April 30, 2009

When I cried for two days...

Another archived post... in my drafts since 12/03/2007...
Cleaning out my junk room which really should be my office... I found this post that I'd printed out... and decided... what the hey... publish it already!!!


In the past, I randomly blogged about my friends... there were two infact I was so close to... well something happened. One of those friends decided to move in... why didnt someone warn me that it could spell death to our relationship..

I have a schedule.. which is so bland. My mother is worried that I will end up an old maid with lots of kittens... eewwwww... God forbid that. I randomly go out.. infact this year I made it a point to go out more... and so far so good but Im really comfortable with my own company...

So said friend moved in and it was all gravy... or so I thought... She cooked! definitely a plus. When I would think of anything, I would always keep her in mind... buy dinner... get some for her... something given at work... get some for her... the point is I felt Id love living with her...

Everything was fine until... she asked me if I didnt want her living there... She said I rarely spoke to her when I was home and that when she didnt live here we used to talk on the phone all the time. I realized that my somewhat reclusive lifestyle might be an issue. I assured her that everything was fine... I assured her it wasnt the lack of rent she wasnt paying... because whether she lived her or not.. guess what? the mortgage is still due right? She was helping with the utilities which was wonderful... paid it all actually... so that kept extra change in my pocket.

Continue Reading...

Her main purpose for moving in was because her school was not even 10minutes from me and it was more convenient. But then she moved out... and she was so slick about it too. She came and was asking me some random question about some movies and then said... by the way.. "im moving out"... I was stunned... but I said "ok"... and when she left my room... my eyes stared to water... for two days... my eyes were so puffy... I didnt even know I could cry like that for a friend o. I mean I've cried unexpectedly before. Like when S left for florida... imagine after only one summer of knowing him, I cried... how pathetic really

Even one of my blog brothers was making fun of me... that why am I crying... that it may have to do with her parents or something... I didnt believe it. She was too slick about it... It felt "hidden". The thing about it was I felt she moving out... felt it in my spirit days before she told me... but I told myself to stop jumping to conclusions based on "feelings". But alas, they were confirmed. This same blog friend told me to try and find out why... so I sent her email which she didnt respond to... instead she came to my house on monday to move some of her stuff and left me a post-it note on the bar... I still have it.. I left it on the wall.

The note says... "Hi D, I came to get some of my stuff... I will try to get the rest on wednesday... and oh by the way, as far as your email, it's more convenient"

Chei! It's more convenient for her to live 40mins away? I couldnt believe it. I felt maybe I had done something wrong. Pushed her away. I mean after she complained that I dont really talk to her, I made the effort each time I was home to hang out downstairs with her instead of going straight to my room when I get home... which prior to her moving in is what Id typically do.
I was glad for her honest approach when she confronted me the first time... but this was something else... it's more convenient? I was so hurt...

When she told me she was leaving, I assumed she'd moved all her stuff but she hadnt... after a week of coming by the house and still not moving all her stuff, I called her to come get the rest of her stuff... I wasnt mean about it or anything... I just wanted to know when she would drop off my key... I just felt... that it felt wrong for someone to have easy access to my house who doesnt live there. It wasnt that I didnt trust her... she's cool.. but I just felt it kinda weird...

Part of me wishes I could be mean... like when she got some mail that I deemed important for her... part of me didnt even want to call her to tell her... as a payback... but truly that's not my nature... I always end up doing the right thing.. like when she called me later to ask if she had any mail... I really wanted to say... you need to have your address changed... but I didnt... and I told her to come get it because 'inconvenient' me had been saving it for her in a nice pile along with the shoes she left that I really wanted to chuck in the trash! :-)

I dont think we could ever be friends. My boyfriend at the time... instead of him being supportive... was asking me what I did... and that's exactly one of the reasons I was crying... Everyone assumes that I had to do something wrong... why is it always me... I hate that. Okay... so maybe Im not the easiest person to be friends with.... but does that always put me in the wrong... I knew because this friend had an 'angel' reputation just what role I would get in this...

Did she tell anyone about this... who knows... who freaking cares... well I kinda do.. but I felt so bad afterwards... and I knew somewhere deep down that she'd been dishonest with me and even if the truth hurts I still want to know it and the fact that she couldnt really be honest with me..... shame on her...

I remember this one incident that caused me to ponder... I was going out... but as it is with somtimes I forget things upstairs/downstairs so you'll see me doing alot of that... going up and down for one thing or the other before I finally leave... well on this day... she was on the phone... so she went upstairs... I went upstairs to my room to do/get whatever and when I went back down, I noticed she was downstairs... she went upstairs again.... and there I went as well... not back to back.. but close enough that I noticed that wherever I was, she would leave... now keep in mind that she was in her room so even though I knew she was on the phone I didnt know what she was on the phone about... and that's if I even bothered to want to eavesdrop... which I wasnt trying to do... I was simply doing my normal forgetful routine of going up and down... I thought about that for a minute... You mean you live in this house and whatever conversation you're having... you dont trust me enough to have it so much so that you have to remove yourself from me... now I could have saved her the trouble by telling her that I wasnt paying attention to her conversation... so she coulda stayed in her room and I wouldnt have heard anything anyways.... Till today, Im not sure what she was talking about... it was just something that occured to me as I drove out that day...

point here: really weigh things before you move in with your friend/vice versa


Anyways... that story is over... April is over..
You have no idea how glad I am that this month is OVER!!!
Things happened this month... and I have to believe Im stronger... you know what they say about what doesnt kill you...

How has your week been... I have some things to share but that will be later later...
Have a fab weekend and I declare that May will be a fabulous month filled with wonderful surprises for me... in Jesus' Name... AMEN AMEN AMEN.... and you too o... you better claim it!

p.s. the answers to the rebus puzzle in my previous post are: The Sum of All Fears and Small Talk. Kudos to all who got it right!

April 24, 2009

Barackisha, Obamaniqua and other Ghetto names...

I'm sorry if you're mad at this but if you're the serious fist raised black activist type person... then this youtube clip is NOT for you!!!

I saw this a couple of weeks ago and thought it was funny!
View Clip



This one is not really as funny but it was a playful video response to the first one
View Clip 2


Hope your week is going great! Here's another Rebus puzzle for you.
A REBUS is a picture representation of a name, work, or phrase.
For example:

This translates to
"Head over Heels"

get it?! good!


try to solve these two rebus puzzles...

the answer will be revealed in my next post.

Have a great weekend yall!

p.s. If you're reading this before 7am EST/12noon UK/Nigerian time, TERC is going on now and you can join the conversation: dial 269-320-8200 code: 210524#

April 20, 2009

My confession...



Happy Monday everyone!

Hope you had a great weekend. Yesterday I didnt go to church but I watched it online and then I watched the movie FireProof, which is a really good movie with a fantastic message. [They have a blog too]. Unlike all the wonderful romantic movies we watch or romance novels we read, great relationships just dont happen... it takes work! Amen somebody? Are people willing to do the work though? The chase is fun... what about after that?


I rarely blog about le boyfriend....
expand post...
I experience a range of emotions with things concerning him: from butterfly feelings being in love to exasperation to indifference to.... you name it... I've probably gone through it. We have a unique relationship and one of the reasons I dont say much about it is because I want no one to feed me their opinions. He's much better about it than I've been in the past...

There are certain things I like... these things he feels he's not so competent in. And I kind of agree! So forgive me that I get excited when I get these things from other people. I have to wonder though about the 80/20 rule (heard in the Movie, Why Did I Get Married] So, to get some of the things I like... I may be sacrificing the 80 aka le boyfriend... for the 20% aka side attractions. Is anyone ever really 100%

This love business sef. If you are sooooooooooo attracted and soooooooooooo in love with someone... does it/should it make it impossible to be attracted to someone else?

One thing I like about the fireproof movie that was highlighted was that when you're in the dating/courting stage, you're learning all about your partner, but once you're settled in marriage or a long term relationship (like moi), then you kinda take things for granted and stop learning... you stop doing some of things that made the other person want to get to know you ... want to be with you...

I remember once, as my status on facebook I said "if you dont take care of your significant other, someone will do it for you"... which in a way is true...

Anyways all that is a long story...
At the end of the day... I love my boyfriend... with all the range of emotions I feel...
and last week... I wrote some of my thoughts for him... or about him... rather about me...
My Confession...

Baby....

yes you
I want you like you cant imagine
I know I act all prissy and proper
With polite smiles and cute little head nods
but rest assured that my mind goes beyond my present decorum
I want to lay you out in all kinds of ways
Have you thinking you're going crazy
mind explosions, with simultaneous head convulsions
Baby this is one ride that should never have to end
I want to do everything you've thought of
*[Pause. Think about it.]*
Then start on everything I've dreamt of… imagined… invented…
*[Laughs]*
Oh my my my
I want to...
and then...
and oh baby... that too
Thoughts of you are terrorizing my head and my body
And everything in between
invading my sanity
I'm just about to explode
Gasping for breath...
wanting to die but hoping to live for just. another. moment.
Oh baby
it's you...
no one else but you
it's you that makes me smile
makes me want to spit, you've got me so mad
makes me want to scream illicit words like... and...
My curse and my blessing...
Cant get enough of it all
so dont let the 'lady' fool you baby

This is my confession...
*[Polite smile]*

Have you heard of the 80/20 rule? And how do you know that the person you're with really is the 80... not the 20... and that other person that you're eyeing, thinking they're the 20% really is the 80... tu comprends?

April 13, 2009

Identity Crisis...All things Nigerian

This morning... I'm not sure what drew my eyes to this post... It was saved in my drafts since August 5, 2006. I just thought it was interesting. I used "great" a lot in the post... almost like I was rapping (trying) or something LOL... and the thing is I dont recall feeling like this... Without this post I wouldnt recall some of these people that I mentioned. I guess that's why it's good to keep a journal... offline or otherwise... it helps you remember... It also helps you acknowledge how far you've come... ways in which you've matured. I dont even know why I ended the post the way I did... I must have been feeling silly on that day... anyways... Just for kicks, and in light of the UnNigerian post by Kafo, I thought I'd publish it unretouched... title and all!

Everyone has probably talked about it and maybe even dealt with it. How do you answer where you're from? Some people get mad because the person doesnt answer in the expected way. e.g. A Nigerian asking another one who is clearly Nigerian where they're from and that person answers "Canada" or something off like that. What determines where we are from?

This is a question I had to struggle with. This is my experience.

CONTINUE READING...

In America, typically when you're asked where you are from, they typically mean the state. I arrived in the States when I was 12, right after I'd finished Jss 3. Being so young, I was quickly integrated into the culture. Developed what some see as that annoying "valley" accent...used "like" with every other word. Then I moved back east and people would ask where I was from...easy..California. Then I moved back to California...and when people asked me where I came from...easy...from back east...I mean that was where I just came from right?

I never had to deal with this in Nigeria. I was simply from Lagos. A supposedly "true" lagosian...even that story has its comma. Only one of my parents is really from Lagos. I may not have been lagos born but I was Lagos bred and I loved it. As the years rolled by, I distanced myself from everything Nigerian. I didnt realize I was changing but I did. Somewhere along the line I didnt want to be considered Nigerian. This wasnt a conscious decision...I no longer had the accent, I didnt know any other Nigerians except my dad and his random friends and my brother who I doubt remembered how to even spell I-k-e-j-a. I heard alot of bad stories about Nigeria. It seemed Nigeria was Hell. I heard people were running mad, shooting down everyone on sight...banks being robbed, houses being demolished by robbers...I mean I was scared.

But then something happened. I went home. Actually I was forced home. I thought I was going to die. I say "home" now but I didnt consider it then as such. I hated that I was being sent to Hell. From Murtala to home, everything looked dingy...the cars, the roads, the houses...everything looked smaller and old and decayed. I couldnt believe I would be in this place for 3months. I didnt even know anyone. I had since lost touch with all my friends from AirForce.

My cousins live right behind me...we coined "wireless" before cell phones became popular. So I hung out with them. They had to come around the corner and "pick" me up before I would go to their house. Imagine such fear!!!

Slowly though things started to change. I spent alot of time at Dolphin Estate with my friends Seun, Femi, Ayo and it was great. Chilled with Leggy, Gandhi and 'em...it was great. made friends with some "big" boys and it was great. I ran up the phone bill and it was great. I had been reborn. I went to Tejuosho and people were calling me their wife and it was great. People would stare at me and my clothes and it was great. All my aunties and uncles came around and it was great. In short, I loved being in Nigeria.

I went to Dansol. Had to take the bus and that wasnt so great. I never really took the local transportation when I lived in Nigeria so this was different. But I made friends and it was great. It was sooooooo easy to make friends. I fell in love with Isimi, Osondu, Dipo, Tolu, Odi...yeah...it was great. And it was somehow. I got two well paying jobs with no connection and it was fabulous.

I became a Nigerian
I loved the sense of community
Loved how easy it was for people to gather round
or maybe it was because im a fine girl...with no pimples

What an ending!
I can say now that whenever anyone asks me where I'm from, I say Nigeria. Identity Crisis...Solved! I cannot imagine saying I'm from somewhere else. It just doesnt taste right. I Love Nigeria... issues and all.

Do you have any posts or maybe an old journal entry that makes you cringe, cry, laugh or wonder what you were thinking?

Have a happy Monday!

FYI: Answers to the Rebus puzzle in my previous post are: Back to Square One; Two left feet

April 9, 2009

Kids and Social life

I'm excited about this weekend! It's Easter and some of my cousins are coming in to town. I will be hosting them on one of the days and it should be interesting. I get to hang out with the kids... that's what I'm most looking forward to.

I went grocery shopping and driving home I remembered the day before when I had seen a friend. I almost invited her over to my house this weekend as well but something stopped me. I'm sure the invitation would have been graciously declined, however I am not the kind of person to put something out there if I dont really want/mean it. My friend has 5 kids... or maybe it's now 6 and I just thought about not wanting to cater to all of that crowd. I almost laughed at myself because I'd like to have a big family but it just made me wonder if the number of kids you have could impede your social life. Would having a social life even register on your radar when you have so many kids? My friend says, "One child is cute, two children is plenty". Once you start having more than one child, it's like you enter into a different zone... you go from being a girl/lady with a child to a woman with kids

read more
By now we've all heard about the octo-mom. First off, I cant imagine having 8 children inside your stomach... amazing! But one really has to wonder. A couple of months ago I almost did a re:blog on how many children is too many. I stumbled upon a blog that stated having more than 2 children is environmentally unfriendly. Read HERE. Speaking with my friend, who only has one child, she says you lose something when you have a child... that closeness that you had with your spouse/significant other. Could this be because one party isnt really helping that much? I'm sure that having a child changes the dynamics of a relationship but that's something that can be worked through for the betterment of all parties involved right?

There are so many other things that have been going through my mind about children lately... but I'll share them on another day..

If you're reading this and have children and noticed a change in your social life, do share!

*******************

Just a little puzzle before I go... I love Rebus puzzles. A rebus is a picture that represents a name or phrase.

For example:
This translates to: Tickled Pink. Easy right?

See if you can solve these two: post your answers in the comment section.
Answers will be revealed in my next post!



Happy Maundy Thursday and Good Friday.
Any special plans for Easter?