April 30, 2009

When I cried for two days...

Another archived post... in my drafts since 12/03/2007...
Cleaning out my junk room which really should be my office... I found this post that I'd printed out... and decided... what the hey... publish it already!!!


In the past, I randomly blogged about my friends... there were two infact I was so close to... well something happened. One of those friends decided to move in... why didnt someone warn me that it could spell death to our relationship..

I have a schedule.. which is so bland. My mother is worried that I will end up an old maid with lots of kittens... eewwwww... God forbid that. I randomly go out.. infact this year I made it a point to go out more... and so far so good but Im really comfortable with my own company...

So said friend moved in and it was all gravy... or so I thought... She cooked! definitely a plus. When I would think of anything, I would always keep her in mind... buy dinner... get some for her... something given at work... get some for her... the point is I felt Id love living with her...

Everything was fine until... she asked me if I didnt want her living there... She said I rarely spoke to her when I was home and that when she didnt live here we used to talk on the phone all the time. I realized that my somewhat reclusive lifestyle might be an issue. I assured her that everything was fine... I assured her it wasnt the lack of rent she wasnt paying... because whether she lived her or not.. guess what? the mortgage is still due right? She was helping with the utilities which was wonderful... paid it all actually... so that kept extra change in my pocket.

Continue Reading...

Her main purpose for moving in was because her school was not even 10minutes from me and it was more convenient. But then she moved out... and she was so slick about it too. She came and was asking me some random question about some movies and then said... by the way.. "im moving out"... I was stunned... but I said "ok"... and when she left my room... my eyes stared to water... for two days... my eyes were so puffy... I didnt even know I could cry like that for a friend o. I mean I've cried unexpectedly before. Like when S left for florida... imagine after only one summer of knowing him, I cried... how pathetic really

Even one of my blog brothers was making fun of me... that why am I crying... that it may have to do with her parents or something... I didnt believe it. She was too slick about it... It felt "hidden". The thing about it was I felt she moving out... felt it in my spirit days before she told me... but I told myself to stop jumping to conclusions based on "feelings". But alas, they were confirmed. This same blog friend told me to try and find out why... so I sent her email which she didnt respond to... instead she came to my house on monday to move some of her stuff and left me a post-it note on the bar... I still have it.. I left it on the wall.

The note says... "Hi D, I came to get some of my stuff... I will try to get the rest on wednesday... and oh by the way, as far as your email, it's more convenient"

Chei! It's more convenient for her to live 40mins away? I couldnt believe it. I felt maybe I had done something wrong. Pushed her away. I mean after she complained that I dont really talk to her, I made the effort each time I was home to hang out downstairs with her instead of going straight to my room when I get home... which prior to her moving in is what Id typically do.
I was glad for her honest approach when she confronted me the first time... but this was something else... it's more convenient? I was so hurt...

When she told me she was leaving, I assumed she'd moved all her stuff but she hadnt... after a week of coming by the house and still not moving all her stuff, I called her to come get the rest of her stuff... I wasnt mean about it or anything... I just wanted to know when she would drop off my key... I just felt... that it felt wrong for someone to have easy access to my house who doesnt live there. It wasnt that I didnt trust her... she's cool.. but I just felt it kinda weird...

Part of me wishes I could be mean... like when she got some mail that I deemed important for her... part of me didnt even want to call her to tell her... as a payback... but truly that's not my nature... I always end up doing the right thing.. like when she called me later to ask if she had any mail... I really wanted to say... you need to have your address changed... but I didnt... and I told her to come get it because 'inconvenient' me had been saving it for her in a nice pile along with the shoes she left that I really wanted to chuck in the trash! :-)

I dont think we could ever be friends. My boyfriend at the time... instead of him being supportive... was asking me what I did... and that's exactly one of the reasons I was crying... Everyone assumes that I had to do something wrong... why is it always me... I hate that. Okay... so maybe Im not the easiest person to be friends with.... but does that always put me in the wrong... I knew because this friend had an 'angel' reputation just what role I would get in this...

Did she tell anyone about this... who knows... who freaking cares... well I kinda do.. but I felt so bad afterwards... and I knew somewhere deep down that she'd been dishonest with me and even if the truth hurts I still want to know it and the fact that she couldnt really be honest with me..... shame on her...

I remember this one incident that caused me to ponder... I was going out... but as it is with somtimes I forget things upstairs/downstairs so you'll see me doing alot of that... going up and down for one thing or the other before I finally leave... well on this day... she was on the phone... so she went upstairs... I went upstairs to my room to do/get whatever and when I went back down, I noticed she was downstairs... she went upstairs again.... and there I went as well... not back to back.. but close enough that I noticed that wherever I was, she would leave... now keep in mind that she was in her room so even though I knew she was on the phone I didnt know what she was on the phone about... and that's if I even bothered to want to eavesdrop... which I wasnt trying to do... I was simply doing my normal forgetful routine of going up and down... I thought about that for a minute... You mean you live in this house and whatever conversation you're having... you dont trust me enough to have it so much so that you have to remove yourself from me... now I could have saved her the trouble by telling her that I wasnt paying attention to her conversation... so she coulda stayed in her room and I wouldnt have heard anything anyways.... Till today, Im not sure what she was talking about... it was just something that occured to me as I drove out that day...

point here: really weigh things before you move in with your friend/vice versa


Anyways... that story is over... April is over..
You have no idea how glad I am that this month is OVER!!!
Things happened this month... and I have to believe Im stronger... you know what they say about what doesnt kill you...

How has your week been... I have some things to share but that will be later later...
Have a fab weekend and I declare that May will be a fabulous month filled with wonderful surprises for me... in Jesus' Name... AMEN AMEN AMEN.... and you too o... you better claim it!

p.s. the answers to the rebus puzzle in my previous post are: The Sum of All Fears and Small Talk. Kudos to all who got it right!

13 comments:

justdoyin said...

aauuwwhh! Diamond I feel u on this one...I've had 2 similar issues...1st was in school, a close friend had moved in2 my room 2 share my bed space...she was so untidy...water splashed about, bed unmade, clothes all-over etc...told her i didn't quite like that n she should tidy up after herself...next thing I knew, she was moving out...duh!
2nd friend didn't even ask my permission to move in, she just did so stylishly...didn't cook, didn't clean much, didn't pay for/buy anything...told her squarely I needed my space...she got the message and moved out...

so u see girl, sometimes, u do feel guilty abou this things, but other times, u shouldn't especially if u're being taken for granted...

But we all still need and love our friends, don't we?

Jaycee said...

Never move in with a friend...that's my lesson for today. It will begin to feel weird after a while.

Even living with family sometimes is...

(It is those who are closest to you that have the power to hurt you).

CHEERS TO A NEW MONTH DARLING...no weapons fashioned against your emotions will prosper. IN JESUS NAME, AMEN.

Kafo said...

i'm echoing Jaycee's sentiments

have a blessed month

downtheaisle said...

i feel u on this, I have been in this shoes before, and ever since i resolved neva to move in with a friend or vice versa. till today, I still cannot xplain wat brought abt d coldness when my friend moved in, and funnily this coldness still exist in our relationship

DiAmOnD hawk said...

@Just Doyin... yes o... we still need and love our friends

@Jaycee... AMEN O AMEN AMEN times infinity!!! :-)

@Kafo... Thank you chica... I wish you a blessed month to you too

@downtheaisle... sometimes I wish we were still cool but somehow I know the relationship cant ever be the same again... I totally feel what you're saying about the coldness

OPTIMISTIC_alyzzz said...

it aint worth the tears girl, you know u didnt do anything wrong, thats all thats important, move on.
PS love the songs playing on your blog, nice!!!!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

thanks chica
glad you like the songs :-)

temmy tayo said...

Was in that shoes. it definitely changes the meaning of friendship. Still dunno how it happens sha. Sad...

Danny BaGucci said...

Moving in, loaning money and knowing the shady details of a relationship have to be the things that change the dynamics of a relationship with a friend most I guess.. Thanks for sharing..

naijagirl said...

uh uh uh.....old post. I learned at an early age that there's a difference between best friends and room mates. That you are my bestfriend doesnt mean we can live together.
amen amen amen to all those prayers. i claim that and same to you

Woomie O! said...

your friend prolly got a better place...or was confused...or wasn't even your friend...or maybe you were acting up and didn't know?
Anyways it's all past.
You just gave me an idea!

Enkay said...

Sometimes friendships are not strong enough to take the changes that come with living together.
It's a whole new ball game and it tells you the truth about your relationship.
Sometimes you'd prefer that this 'truth' remained hidden!

Sorry about your friend.

First time here...I think! lol!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Mine caused me to move back to my Uni halls for my final undergrad year and worked like my life depended on. The said friend and my crew formed another group, and when my time to shine came, mmhmm they came back apologising. Its funny how it took their mothers to tell after a year what they did to me was wrong..lol..

Miss D.. I miss ya, where have you been?