August 29, 2008

He said... She said... 2a

TGIF!!!

I have the distinct pleasure of featuring a blog within a blog. About 2 years ago... a friend of a friend read my blog and asked her friend if she had a friend who blogged because something I had blogged about seemed familiar. (u with me so far?) She gave her friend my blog address... and what do you know... the friend knew me... really well... and today she shares a story to be part of the He said She said series. The series is all about the same story but from two different perspectives. check out the HesaidShesaid link above (right under my header) to view other stories in the series...

Enter into


Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop.
-Anonymous


She said...


Saturday, 2:30am


“Nike!”

I froze. It must be a dream. There was no way that voice could be calling my name.

“Nike! Please wait up for me” the voice said again. “I need to tell you something.”

Yes! Finally! He’s found me and he’s coming to beg me to take him back. I smiled to myself and turned slowly to face the person calling me and as I did everything seemed to disappear.


I woke up with a start. It was a dream

Egbami. Not another dream about that idiot. When am I going to get over it? It’s been almost a year and I’m still dreaming that he’s looking for me. I've got it in my head but my heart seems to have a mind of its own. Every time I go to bed, it's one dream after the other about this guy, and frankly it's beginning to get annoying.

I sighed.

I wish I could program my dreams. That way, I could insert Brad Pitt every night and wake up without regrets. If these dreams don’t stop soon, I might have to go meet my pastor for serious deliverance. That is why I like going to Nigerian churches. Fire for fire, mehn.

I fluffed my pillow and tried to get back to sleep but as usual, I just kept thinking about the subject of my dreams.


Kola and I met in my freshman year at college. I was introduced to him during one of those African Students meetings by my cousin who attended the same school. He was a senior at the time and was about to graduate. I had been so happy then because just another year and maybe we would never have met since he moved away after graduation. We hit it off immediately and our love was serious watintin love. Chai, young love was sweet. It was always me and Kola everywhere. We fell asleep talking to each other, woke up and spoke to each other first thing in the morning, spent every moment we could together and frankly annoyed everyone around us that wasn’t in a relationship. At that time, I really believed the only reason God let my father agree to send me to America was for me to meet my dear Kola.


I hissed as I remembered that first year we were together. I really was a fool to fall that deeply in love with him.


He soon graduated and moved to a city four hours away but thank God for the affordability of Greyhound and Southwest airlines, my $6.50/hr cafeteria job allowed me to see him often. I spent almost all the money I made visiting him at least once every month and he returned the favor by visiting me every month also, so we saw each other at least every two weeks.

Thank God I knew book, sha because that was the only way I was still able to pull through with decent grades in school. If not, my father would have quickly sent me back to that Igbenedion University or whatever they call it in Nigeria. The long distance relationship continued for two years and it was at the end of my junior year that all the katakata burst.


Thinking about it still makes my heart ache and brings tears to my eyes. I wiped a tear off my face and held on tightly to my pillow.


You see, right from the beginning, I had told Kola that I was not having sex outside of marriage. He had agreed with me and things had been ok. We got close a few times but thank papa-God, my senses came back quickly and I was able to resist temptation. I had to give it to Kola though, he never really pressured me. In fact, aspa Christian brother, he encouraged me to hold on too and said he was happy he was going to be my first on our wedding day.

If you had asked me to list my motivations for graduating quickly, getting married and getting to sleep with Kola would have been right on top of the list. I studied hard and could not wait to graduate and have my father agree to the wedding. Then, just one year before achieving that goal, Kola ripped out my heart, trampled on it, threw it on the interstate and had ten trailer trucks run over it.


What had I done to deserve that kind of treatment? Is it a sin to love? I rolled around in my bed and reached for the Kleenex box on my nightstand.


I hadn’t seen Kola in almost a month due to my hectic schedule for finals and he had agreed not to come so as not to distract me. However, at the last minute one of my professors agreed for me to take one final early, which meant I could finish on a Friday instead of a Saturday. I was so excited that day as I wrote the exam; I put a small smiley face and a heart next to my name on the paper. Let me dash the professor some love too. Immediately I finished the exam, I packed a weekend bag and headed for the Greyhound station. It was time to get me some ‘Kola-vite’. I didn’t tell Kola I was coming; I was going to surprise him because he was my man and I could surprise him, right? Dead wrong!


Thinking back now, I still falter between thanking God that I paid him a surprise visit or wishing secretly that I hadn’t.


I got to his apartment and unlocked the door with the extra key I had with me. Immediately the door opened, I knew something was wrong. There was soft music playing in the background, candles were burning and some funny noises were coming from the bedroom. The bedroom was directly across from the front door and I could see the door was slightly open. The living area was to the left of the door and I saw clothes strewn across the floor from that area to the bedroom door. I moved closer to the bedroom door with my heart in my mouth and saw a foot sticking out by the door. I moved closer again, I saw another pair of feet that I recognized. In fact, I knew they were Kola’s feet because we always joked about how large they were and the sole of his feet had a funny mark.

My heart sunk. I already figured out what was going on but I just had to confirm.

I inched closer to the door and as I got closer, my heart sunk even lower.

No. Not my, Kola. No. No.No. He couldn’t be doing this behind my back. I still don’t know how I managed to do it until today but I pushed the door open and said “Why didn’t you guys just try to make it to the bed. You already made it to the room.”

They both froze as they heard my voice and when I saw who the other party was, the blood drained from my face.


“Busola!” I screamed


They jumped off each other, Busola tried to grab something to cover herself and Kola scrambled to his feet. I turned around and headed for the door.

“Nike, please. It’s not what you think.” Kola said as he ran after me. He actually tried to touch me but I think the look I gave him had enough power to kill so he stepped back. I stepped out of the door and never looked back. He tried calling me several times, but I never picked up. Funny enough, after about three months he stopped calling and six months after the incident, I saw a wedding website for him and Busola.

Ah! How could Busola have done that to me?

Busola, my cousin and the reason my father finally allowed me to come to the US. In fact, he had told my mom I could only come if I got admitted into the same school as Busola so she could look out for me. I got to school and she really took care of me that first year. She was a junior at the time and I met Kola through her. Throughout the relationship, she would tease me endlessly and say things like “I go love, oh!” I knew she had moved to the same city as Kola when she graduated but I never suspected anything between them. I figured they were friends even before I came into the picture so it was natural for them to be in contact. My own cousin, my blood had betrayed me right alongside the man I was planning to spend the rest of my life with.

Now, my pillow is wet with tears and I have almost gone through a whole Kleenex box. How am I to love another man after this? Ehn? Even with him getting married, here I am still dreaming about him. God help me.
***

Ring.
My phone is ringing. I turn to look at my bedside clock.
3:30am.
It must be my mom. I just finally got to sleep a few minutes ago and now she was waking me up again.

Ring.
I pick up my phone and rub my eyes to make sure I am not dreaming yet again.




He Said

August 26, 2008

DH Movie Day: Ekaete

Before I get started... I just couldnt resist this Blast from the Past... Who remembers Robyn... well if you dont... here's the reminder!




I was watching a Nigerian movie a couple of weeks ago on someone's blog... which I found to be interesting... My friends would be surprised that I sat down and watched it on my laptop... I surprised myself.... very unlike me... but I liked it... and I started to search out some more... I found another one I really liked... I put all the clips together to play continuously so no one has to go searching....

Ekaete...
I think this a good movie. It is a lesson on how to stay humble. I'm sure it must happen in other parts of the world but I just can't help feeling that Nigeria is a nation of "feelers"... as in everyone wants to be prestigious... and when they are, sometimes they abuse the power that comes with it... Life has so many turns... you just never know... always be good to people... this movie reminds me of a quote I heard back in college. Something to the effect of be careful of the toes you step on- on your way to the top, they might be attached to the "butt" you have to kiss on your way back down... My prayer is I never have to go back down... but still be very careful... always remain humble... that is my prayer now... That as I get elevated, that God keeps me humble....

Enjoy!

August 24, 2008

Cant make it to church today?

click HERE to watch my church LIVE
(if you live outside Metro Atlanta)
7:00am EST and 10:30am EST
(london time: 12pm and 3:30pm)

NewBirth Missionary Baptist Church
Lithonia, GA

Guest preacher today: Bishop T.D.Jakes

August 21, 2008

Music Im Feeling: Sister Hazel - All for you / This Kind of Love

Ever heard of Sister Hazel... maybe not... the song may seem familiar though

For the longest time I thought this song was by Hootie and the Blowfish... they sound alike I think as far as this particular song goes... but I obviously found out differently. I really like this song... the chorus is definitely speaking to some things that Im feeling right now... and I like the harmony as well....


All For You



Finally I figured out
But it took a long long time
And now there's a turnabout
Maybe cause I'm trying
There's been times, I'm so confused
All my roads
Well they lead to you?
I just can't turn
And walk away

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
Words can't say, I can't do
Enough to prove it's all for you

And I thought I'd seen it all
Cause it's been a long long time
Oh but then we'll trip and fall
Wondering if I'm blind
There's been times
I'm so confused
All my roads
Well they lead me to you?
I just can't turn
And walk away

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, I can't do
Enough to prove it's all for you


Rain comes pouring down
(Pouring down)
Falling from blue skies
(Falling from blue skies)
Words without a sound
Coming from your eyes

finally I figured out
But it took a long long time
And now there's a turnabout
Maybe cause I'm trying
There's been times
I'm so confused
All my roads
Well they lead to you?
I just can't turn
And walk away

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, I can't do
Enough to prove it's all for you

It's hard to say what it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always be with you
But words can't say, I can't do
Enough to prove it's all for you

It's hard to say,
Yea it's hard to say,
It's all for you



THIS KIND OF LOVE
another song by Sister Hazel... I think this a great wedding song... A guy to feel this much... express so much in words... is a true gem! (forgive the kissiness of the video)


This kind of love makes me feel ten feet tall
It makes all my problems fall
And this kind of trust helps me to hold the line
I'll be there every time

This kind of love it's what I dreamed about
Yeah it fills me up
Baby it leaves no doubt
This kind of love it's why I'm standing here
It's something that we can share
I can't get enough of this kind of love

This kind of hope is what I try to find
And now I can't deny... I believe
And this kind of faith is so unshakeable
It's unmistakable
It's bigger than me

Chorus

Your love can move a mountain
It makes my world go round
It's always there to guide me
I'm so lucky that I found

This kind of love is what I dreamed about
Yeah it fills me up
Well baby it leaves no doubt
This kind of love it's why I'm standing here
It's something that we can share
I can't get enough of this kind of love
This kind of love



August 11, 2008

Not Forsaken

Happy Monday to everyone... I pray this day as started off well for you. I had a thought today... I am responsible for my salvation... is that the right thought? as in no one else can make me go to heaven... I know what's right and I have to do what's right... I cant blame anyone for leading me in the wrong path...

My mom sent me Open Heavens... a daily devotional book by Pastor Adeboye, the GO of RCCG. I hardly read it but I decided to open it up this morning....

Today, I read the one for sunday and monday... but the one for Sunday really touched me... so I decided to share it... word for word

**********************************

READ: Acts 3: 1 - 11

The Lord is taking you on a ride to the land of surprise this season. Today's reading talks of a man who was born lame. We want to learn a few lessons from this story. First, although the man was born lame, he did not die lame. This tells us that anything that has a beginning also has an end. Every problem in your life has an expiry date. Since it started one day, it will surely expire one day. That you were born poor is not an excuse to die poor. If you die poor, it is because you choose to end that way. That was not God's original plan! God's plan is to bring the best out of your worst. You must hold on in faith until your problem expires. Between the manufacturing date and expiry date of a problem, stay in the place of faith, and look up to one person - God. As you look up in faith and continually serve, worship and praise Him, irrespective of your challenges, the problem could expire before its programmed date. Ecclesiastes 3:1-2 says there is a season for everything. This is your appointed season of change.

The lame man could not move about except when carried by people. His situation made even close family members turn away their faces, yet some people still volunteered to carry him tot he temple premises daily. This shows that no matter how deplorable or repulsive your situation may be, God has appointed some helpers to stay with you. If nobody stays to help, God will always be there to do so. When Bartimeaus cried for help, nobody volunteered to assist him. They rather shut him up but the Lord heard his cry. Are you going through a situation where there seems to no one to help? Be not dismayed, the Lord will help you. He will hear your cry. He will answer your prayer. Call upon Him today. He will surely make a way for you.

Hence, David says in Psalms 27:10: "when my father and my mother forsake me, then the LORD will take me up". Are you forsaken by your loved ones, friends and neighbours? If you are, rejoice! That automatically qualifies you as a divine project. God will take you up and care for you with His everlasting arms. The Lord will never abandon you. Never allow any situation, trial, lack, denial, disappointment or failure make you forsake your One and only Helper. As long as you have God, situations and conditions have no choice but to adjust in your favour

ACTION POINT: If you love life, keep every gossip and tale bearer at an arm's length (Proverbs 20:19)
Ask God for grace never to divulge secrets to those who will use them against you.

**********************************
I updated my other blog, The Message... and will update the bible passage links on it on a later date...

something caught my attention yesterday... how we pray for the peace that passes ALL understanding... meaning it's incomprehensible to me... even incomprehensible to the devil... take a moment to try to imagine it... just try.... that is what I pray for... for me and for you... This week will give us all cause to continue to worship and glorify God's name... This week I soak myself in the Blood of Jesus... I cover everything Im going to do... my thoughts... my deeds... everything is protected by the Blood of Jesus... Amen... I shall walk in favor to the Glory of God... Goodness and Mercy will always follow me...

August 9, 2008

Much better...

Mucho gracias to everyone who kept me in their prayers.

I am doing so much better... what a difference a day makes... Things are going well. I was mad at my mom... but I think I was really just redirecting my anger towards her... and the ex and I are actually doing better. Yesterday was a new beginning for the both of us. I think... hope... pray... that we've both learned lessons from the occurrences of the past month and we're better for it...

Thank you guys once again :-)

Summer games:
Per my header... you can see Im into the Olympics... not sure how that happened... but I watched the opening games yesterday and found myself cheering when they announced Nigeria... we were looking good... but yesterday was also a lesson in geography because there were some countries that I'd never heard of... like the Central republic of Africa or something like that.... I started to wonder if Nigeria hosted the olympics... how we would do it... do we even have the capacity to host it?

Sad news:
Bernie Mac is dead! I was shocked... while I was busy looking up olympic scores, I came across the news just 30minutes after it was published. I couldnt believe it. The man seemed so alive... as in I felt like I knew him personally... somehow... May his soul rest in peace.

Devastating news:
seriously... do we need more wars? Why does everyone have to fight? Everyone should please keep the country of Georgia in their prayers... just sad... imagine waking up one day to the sounds of bombs...

August 7, 2008

*******************

I am so hurting...
I am so angry...
and I'm soooooooo confused...

so much going on... I just want to run away and hide somewhere
and come back brand new

August 3, 2008

a little bit of this... a little bit of that

just a random post

BB10
I love love love love Big Brother. I want Jesse to get out of the house. Why is it that the jerks are the ones that seem to hang around the most. My new work schedule doesnt give me luxury to watch all my shows like I used to, so I catch it when I can

She loves me... He loves me not
why is Love so mysterious? as in so many variations of it? and please no one should quote me any love is kind... I know that one... but the other Loves... gosh... Why is breaking up so hard to do. After 5 years... my boyfriend and I are now "just friends"... That term is so facetious..... what is just friends. Can love die. And if it dies, was it really love in the first place... and can it be revived? Like Starr Jones, I dont know what the future holds but I know Who holds our future... so... I hope I dont mess it up sha

Movies
There are some movies that come on TV that no matter what, I will always change the channel to watch them... They are: Legally blonde, Sweet Home Alabama, and My big fat greek wedding... I will always change channels... even though I own these movies... I just love them... Other movies that I've watched over and over again are The Lake House, The Saint & Memoirs of a Geisha...

The real housewives...
Bravo has this show called the The real housewives of... at first it was Orange county... then they did NewYork... next is NewJersey but apparently they've also done atlanta... which is not really being advertised. I have to wonder why...

Random thoughts
I just think different things so many times. Like I saw this lady walking at work. She seemed a bit on the quiet side... a little frail... the way she was walking I guess... I thought to myself "I wonder if she's getting abused at home". Or like I was walking somewhere and it was late.. and I wondered something really 'dark'... God deliver me from crazy random thoughts...

Obsessive compulsive
I have to caution myself sometimes... I can write one email... 10 times... if I notice 1 error... I go back and revise and revise... if i dont watch it... then this may lead to taking medication in the future... Im sure that's how all these things start... paying too close attention to small stuff...

Procrastination is the assassination of motivation
how true true true. I bought a humdifier in january... a cool mist one o... for $45 from Walmart. I took it back today... as in AUGUST... lol.. .first off it was saying it was now $12... NONSENSE... and besides I cant return anything over 90days old... kai... I was busy plotting how to trick walmart to get my full funds back.. but it all results in doing something probably not morally correct and I just cant do that..

Friends with benefits?
do you have "friends" that only remember you when they start their business or when they start selling marykay or warmspirit? gosh... and I usually feel obligated to buy stuff... but I've been learning to say NO lately... and it feels good...

Dreeeeeammmmm... dream dream dream...
do you know the song? probably not. Im really into oldies. anyways I have this friend at work... so I sent him an IM and he replies "hey I had a dream with you"
WHAT? LOL with me? I was a bit taken aback but I think his command of the english language is not so refined... so I chilled... and he's kinda like my brother at work... and he's married.
I replied "Oh did I win the lottery?"
He said "YES... 12M... how did you guess my dream"
I asked him if I gave him any... he said "yes.. 10%... then he said well I gave him enough to continue his pilot training whatever"... which I would totally do...
so stupid me went and bought two lottery tkts.... nonsense.... I apologized to God for that. I obviously didnt win else why would I be typing this post... is playing the lottery a sin?

well... that's all folks...

Have a wonderful week ahead everyone...