June 20, 2008

Epiphany...

[sex and the city spoiler.. i guess it could be a spoiler. dont read if you havent seen the movie and dont want to know the details of some scenes and if you havent seen the movie the question really is WHY?]

Definition: a sudden, intuitive perception of OR insight into the reality or essential meaning of something... usually initiated by some simple, homely or common place occurence or experience...


...I guess it's something I've always known... deep deeeepppp in the recesses of my mind. But this past weekend, a thought hit me...

THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO STOP SOMEONE FROM CHEATING WITHIN A RELATIONSHIP

I guess there are people who go around hoping that their partner won't cheat... hoping that after one bad relationship, the next one will be perfect. There is NO perfect relationship. All my years of being in one have taught me that! Each relationship is its own carnival. I think the key to success in any relationship is to just put your all (everything that encompasses you being you) into it without losing yourself. Now, that might be a little tricky to balance. At the end of the day it's just important to be happy with yourself. am I even making sense?

Where are my Sex and the City Fans??? Do you remember the part in the movie when they were all comparing their relationships and asking everyone who was happy and no one but Charlotte stated she was happy... everyday... EVERYDAY!!! imagine that...

A friend recently told me of how her hubby cheated and she didnt feel good at all until she herself had paid back the deed in kind. There goes her balancing act I guess... They appear to be still happy... even added another kid to the mix

My boyfriend also relayed a story about a society wedding that occurred last year. The guy after having a baby was now soliciting an "extramarital friendship" with a coworker. The girl refused his advances but apparently has succumbed to his persistent toasting (apparently this is a nigerian rule or know how... with guys anyhow... if you pester the girl long enough... she will agree.... never knew that... someone just told me that's how it is o)... citing how unhappy he is in his marriage. Tell me what his wife is supposed to do in this case. She has no control over her husband's actions. Cant stop him from cheating. Cant leave the baby and follow her husband 24/7

I guess this is where God comes in. Because there is so much temptation out there... too much. Constantly you have to ask God to grant you the grace to get through the day. Bob, in relaying the previous story to me said "I pray to God I dont fall victim to such". I was quick to say Amen... There's God and there's free will too. So God can be helping you but thickheaded you wants to do your own thing still.

but even then... there's life after cheating is there not? When I was younger, I used to say if my man cheats... im GONE... but as you get older you realize that mistakes can be made... and cheating is just one of them...

citing SATC again... when Miranda's husband cheated. I mean... who wouldve thought that dorky old Steve had it in him right? But he did and he did. I sided with Miranda for leaving him... after all he'd broken her trust. I understand he was a bit stressed that they hadnt had sex in a while but this is where communication comes it. Why does it seem a bit more difficult to communicate sometimes when you're in a marriage/committed relationship. For me, I just dont want to seem like Im nagging. So over the years, Ive found ways to communicate things I want without coming off as nagging... Im not perfect yet though... lol. The truth is alot of times, It's not always what you say but how you say it.

Anyways... continuing with the SATC plot.... Something happened between Miranda and Carrie. Miranda said something to Carrie's fiance about what a mistake it was to get married on the eve of their wedding day and the next thing you know, they dont get married and Miranda feels soooooooooooo guilty about it but never mentions a word to Carrie. When she finally does mention it months later, Carrie feels so betrayed and rightly so.... that her bestfriend would dare say such a thing and after saying it, the wedding is cancelled. That was a betray of trust. Miranda kept apologising to Carrie... that she was really sorry... that could Carrie please forgive her... phone calls... cards... she did everything she could but Carrie wasnt budging. After her many futile attempts, Miranda goes to see Carrie and waits by her door till she gets home. Carrie then asks Miranda "you want me to forgive you right?" and Miranda says yes.. then Carrie brings to her attention about the same thing happening with Miranda and Steve... a betrayal of trust... and after Steve's many attempts she still refuses to forgive him....

aaahhh... a moment of clarity.... an Ephiphany! lol

I guess we tend to give different rules or look at things differently between marital/committed intimate relationships vs friendship... when really.. our relationships are extensions of frendship...

My sister got married recently and of one of the mothers of the day.. talked about being friends with your mate. She gave an example. If some reason you need a ride somewhere, you call your friend to come get you and that friend is maybe 10minutes late, you say Thank you and dont complain (under normal circumstances) because you're the one needing the favor... but if it's your mate... it's usually a different story... we start complaining.... so the lesson here is this: I'll take it from one of the 'Beatitudes for the Married':> Blessed are the husband and wife who are as polite and courteous to one another as they are to their friends (a little off topic but you get my drift)

So if you're out there... and you're worrying about your mate being with someone else... communicate your concerns, pray to God and pray for the best... but never forget that your personal happiness... your personal peace... is important...

Have a great weekend yall..
*a couple of my friends have given me their opinion of my new template... what do you think?*

24 comments:

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

O M Goshhhhhhhh........ This template is off the chain.. Wow wee, I love it.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Ok, I've finished reading this post. I am, am afraid part of the few that have yet to see the sex and the city movie. Living in Italy sucks and all their movies are dubbed (not even subtitles) so it will be pointless for me to go see it here. But I do intend to go see it next friday. I will be home..lol.. But thanks for telling me the details, you didnt spoil the movie for me either way.

And your example on what the mother of the said, I've never thought of it like that. Definately an important nugget, which i intend to apply to my relationship asap. Thanks babe.

So Im still loving your template (you compurra wizzz) love it.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

thx babe...

LB just abused me now that Ive spoiled the movie for her o... so im begging her now...

how are you anyways... how's everything

chat soon.

30+ said...

Love the new template, simple and elegant.

Don't think I'll be seeing SATC till it comes on DVD.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

thx 30+... I wanted something exactly as you described... but Iwanted it dark...

why wont you go see SATC now... I will definitely buy the DVD once it's released... there's even a "script" type book out... that shows how everything (the movie) got developed... thinking about getting it

disgodkidd said...

me likes the new look!

JJ said...

Loves the template!
Still haven't seen the movie, at htis rate imight have to wait till it comes out on DVD. But yea..your last paragraph sums it all up.

joy2av said...

hello. just wanted to leave a comment cos am new on blogger. ur new template is vry nice. though didnt read ur satc post cos am cin it nxt wknd.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

disgodkid.... thx

jj... Thank you m'am... go and see the movie o... WHY havent you seen it???????

joy2av... thank you for the compliment. I hope you enjoy blogging.. will go on your page now and leave you a comment... but make sure you read this afterwardso :-)... the whole post is not really about SATC... only used examples to highlight my point...

Kafo said...

wow
i had to check the address bar again just to make sure that i hit the right link

i am loving this new template, a lil' less cluttered and it has a calming presence to it.

this whole SATC ephiphany, i am still thinking, i don't know how i would react if my spouse cheated on mii, i mean right now i am in a relationship with my best friend and i can basically tell him anything so if he wasn't satisfied with mii and cheated then we are wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy off track i mean the bedrock of our relationship is honesty and our need to do God's will so yeah sex for some is just sex and would just be like stealing but for mii it would be sooo much more

hmmm
of course it is 2am so i really don't know how much sense i am making

i love the new template
might hit you up for some tips

DiAmOnD hawk said...

hey kafo... tell me why you're up o... anyways I feel where you're coming from...

my friend said the same thing re: my template... that my other template was too busy... I think this one reflects me now... I must have changed my template 5 times over the years...

as per tips... hit me up anytime :-)

BlogVille Idol said...

hey blogville idol 08 is back!check our blog for more details!tanx

Jaycee said...

First off, I lurveeeee ur new template Diamond. You never fail to amaze us!

Abt commitment, wowwww...the whole post just emphasizes a major point for me, that COMMUNICATION in every relationship is critical. Just imagine if Carrie's Fiance told her abt his fears, or if Miranda told Carrie earlier abt the mistake she made...or if Steve communicated with his wife properly...things may have turned out differently...

Either way, it takes God to have a blessed relationship. May God make our relationships and marriages blessed! May we never have insecure relationships that will cause us to cheat...in Jesus Name. Amen.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

awwww Jaycee... thank you m'am

and a big AMEN to your prayer...

your comment just summed it all up...
hope you're good! :-)

OluwaDee said...

ok so i just typed some text n it all disappeared.

In summary: u have spoken well.

Charizard said...

Mehn...you kinda brought epiphany to me ryt here (is that usage correct?) What you state is fact, buh living with that reality wont it draw people closer to the flame of cheating...as in like seeing as we cant help cheating why hold back, you get?

Charizard said...

nice post tho...am loving ur blog already...

DiAmOnD hawk said...

awww Oluwadee... sorry that happened... and thx...

hey Charizard... welcome to my blog. Will definitely check yours out... I definitely see your pov... but you hold back because it's the morally correct thing to do...

Vera Ezimora said...

Awww, I love what you've done with your blog.

And I'm a sex and the city fan. I saw it the day it opened, and I was shockprised @ all the people that were wearing "I love Sex & The City" shirts. Abi was that just in Maryland??

DiAmOnD hawk said...

I didnt hear about any shirts per se but lots of people here got into it with dressing up and what not... it was a great movie. I even cried

In my head and around me said...

Is it too late to get on the train and say that I love your template? SO peaceful and uncluttered. The way I like my life to be...lol!

I like your views and the lessons to be learnt. Indeed, there is something to learn from everything, even if I did go to watch for the clothes more than anything else ;)

DiAmOnD hawk said...

you know that's the feeling i get from you... peaceful and uncluttered... tryna be like your girl... :-)

Vera Ezimora said...

Babe, I can't leave a comment on your current post. But I'll join you in thanking the Lord too.

Ms ken said...

I totally LOOOOVEEE your template!!!
its simple yet beaurriful