June 15, 2007

God, Relationships and Confirmation

so today at TERC... they were discussing Relationships yet again... and something occured to me. People kept saying "confirmation"... so I called my boyfriend and I asked him.

did you start praying before we started dating?
and did you get confirmation from God before we started dating?

I asked this question because I didnt pray about anything before this relationship. All I knew was that there was always this whisper in my heart that he would be my husband. I dont know when it started... I dont even know how it started.. I just know that it was there... even when I was dating other people.. I didnt pray and I didnt get any confirmation so now I have to wonder..

My boyfriend shared a couple of stories with me... How one guy stated that God revealed to him in a dream who his wife was and he didnt even like the girl... and he would try to run away from her... but it seemed they kept getting thrown together in different settings... until finally he accepted... and found peace. Another story was relayed to me about a guy who wore his shirt inside out and told God that any lady who tells him that his shirt is inside out is the one... now Im not sure if this is what God told him or if this was the guys way of testing God out. Yet a third story relayed about a guy who prayed about a confirmation and said if it is to be so, then let it rain before 11pm and it did

Very very interesting. How many people out there dating someone... actually prayed about it? And if you did pray, what was your confirmation? Did you even ask for some kind of confirmation? and how did it manifest itself?

Now I have to wonder... am I really dating the right person? maybe not... maybe so...

I think as christians we like to preach the word, but I wonder how many people really follow it to the letter... We cannot escape the fact that we are humans and have fleshy tendencies. What about other religions. I remember a conversation I had when I conducted a talk-show in England recently... The question was one Ive asked on my blog before... "Is love enough in a relationship". During our discussion there was this one guy who kept giving us the definition of Love in the bible and stated that it is enough. In a relationship... I dont necessarily know that that particular definition is enough. What about other religions who may not necessarily subscribe to the christian point of view... I think everyone has a different definition of what love is.. and it's not necessarily all that is quoted in the holy book... or should it... and if it is, should that definition be enough to carry you through your relationship?

so God, relationships and confirmation... very interesting. I have another topic I want to discuss because I need some clarity on that. But this confirmation thing... should I now start over... break it off and try to start praying again then start over... I wonder how many who got confirmation are still together... what is the confirmation???? I guess it's different for everyone. Maybe even though I wasnt actively praying, that whisper in my heart... that was it????

anyways yall have a wonderful weekend... Im off to work for a couple of hours... isnt today the naija song day for pop idols?... if you're one of the few who hasnt heard... hop over to http://www.blogvillepopidols.blogspot.com/ and get updated!!!


Allied said...

I do pray before i date someone and sometimes i listen to the word of God but other times, i let my desire dominate the will of God - suffice to say i convinced myself that it is what God wants for me therefore doing what i want. But as God has told us - "Don't give what is holy to dogs or toss your pearls before pigs, for they will trample them with their feet, turn and tear you into pieces" Matt.7 vs 6

Omodudu said...

I'd say let us read our bible very very well sha!

Jaycee said...

My very own CRAZY CHIC...wassup? Ahn ahn now Diamond, why are u doing this to us? I missed ur voice on TERC today jare...

I'll be back to leave u a voice comment later on tonight. ~MUAH~

Anonymous said...

Hmmm... a lot of food for thought here.

My husband says he knew I was his wife the 1st day he saw me.I on the other hand wasn't really feeling him and he said the more he tried the more I ran away.

He said he prayed everyday about it from the day he saw me because he was convinced in his spirit. when it seemed like I would never agree he told God that he really wanted to marry me but if God felt there was someone better for me then God should bring the person my way so I would get married and he would really know it was over as he couldn't move on as long as I was single.

Anyway to cut a long story short about 10 years after I met him i married him(the bobo try oh).I never heard God speak to me about him but at the time I accepted I had peace it was the right thing to do.
I've been happily married for 4 years and it gets stronger everyday. I know some girls hear from God but (I hope you don't mind me quoting the bible as I understand from what you say that some people aren't christians)it is the man who finds a wife so I feel he is the one who needs to be sure he has found his wife.

The onus is on the girl to respond(or not as the case may be).
When Adam and Eve saw each other for the first time it was Adam(not Eve)who spoke and said you are the flesh of my flesh and bone of my bone.It is the man who ought to recognise his wife. I hope this doesn't offend women(in this feminine era)but the woman still has the power to agree or not to agree and this should be done prayerfully on the part of the woman.

I think the best prayer a woman can pray at this point is not my will oh Lord but yours be done. As she opens herself to God's will then she may begin to realise that what she thought she wanted or needed is not God's will for her.

I'm saying women should prayerfully have an open mind to God's will. My husband didn't meet the long list of specifications I had as a young girl but now that I'm married to him I really thank God because i truly believe he is the best man for me. God knows you better than you know yourself and He sees the future so it is really better to trust Him in choosing a spouse and not rely solely on the arm of the flesh.

It's easier said than done I know but it's possible.

Sorry my post is so long. I'll stop here.

~mimi~ said...

cant believe i missed TERC and this is something i needed to have been a part of. sigh. i am sad. i have said that statement one too many times today. i am going to read the post.

Onada said...

my mum always talks to me and my cousins about praying for a sign from God that whoever we are with is who we should be.I really believe it works. I've dated the wrong people in the past and i knew in my gut i shouldnt have been with them but didnt pay attention to the signs i was getting!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

hmmm... ALLIED I wonder if you could expatiate that bible verse... I dont quite follow

Omodudu... yes.. lets!!!

Jaycee... I was there but didnt figure out until later that i was muted and then when I did... I just didnt bother saying anything... but looking forward to "hearing" from you

Anon... I feel what you're saying about feeling that peace... it just seems to be in the talks that we have on TERC that everyone is always seeking confirmation and I have to wonder if that is what people should be doing ALL the time...

awwww Mimi... i can be your alarm clock if you'd like... indeed! Bijou still calls me to wake me up... :-) looking forward to hearing u sing

ONADA i was just talking to my sister... and she said for big things... such as marriage... it's nice to get a confirmation... nice to see you on this side :-)

~mimi~ said...

lol babe. alarm clock from yanks??? thats a new one oh. guess there's no reason for me to miss TERC just cause i'm taking a break from blogland. i'd be there next friday by God's grace.

Rinsola said...

Diamond thanks for stopping by my blog, hope you enjoyed the puff-puff (lol). Wanted to be part of TERC yesterday but i slept off, well i hope i can join next week. I believe God always sends us a confirmation or a sign, only that we don't pay attention, especially in situations where we want to satisfy our feelings. May Gods' will in our lives be done, especially in our marriages.

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~mimi~ said...

oh yea about your post..getting confirmation is always nice (i got mine) but between me and you babes, as human beings, even with confirmation, doubt still creeps our human minds,so we just have to believe that God has a good plan for us...
i dont think it is everyone who hears a loud audible voice or a still small voice saying this is the one, but i believe that if you are not in God's will and you are a child of God, God will not leave you just like that, He will tell you, this is not my plan for you..

if you feel peace after praying, then you are alright with God..

LondonBuki said...

*cough* You know me I don't have much to add to this.

I'll try to be at TERC soon... I'm no more at the client site, where I could be on the phone and look busy at the same time.

Have a beaurriful week :-)

Allied said...

@ Diamond. Here is the explanation of my above comment.

If you give pearls to a pig, the pig will try to eat it ( that is all they do) and then, finding that it is not tasteful, it will spit it out and trample on it. A hungry pig is not concerned with the true value of a pearl.

The pearl in that verse represents the kingdom of God which we know that is in Me/You/US. So therefore our heart and body, reflects this kingdom.

Dogs/Swings are those who simply canot understand the value of a kindgom, because they are more concerned with satisfying their flesh.

Therefore if we give the pearl ( US/ our heart) to someone unworthy of it ( Dogs/Swings) we are setting ourselves to be turn into pieces.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Gosh this really is a very long topic for me, and hopefully will be able to do it justice with what I have to say.

The word of God in the bible tells us Love is enough, but for me I believe it in the context of after the confirmation and marriage, it is enough to carry us through.

In my case I have met three christian brothers who have told me that God told them I was their wife. The last one is still praying to God that I settle down, as he can't seem to break away. What Im I trying to say, yes the bible tells us that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtaineth favour from the Lord" -

but with the example of Joseph and Mary, He told them both. God is not a God of confusion, so if He told the man, He would also tell the woman. In my case I never heard, so I was not to be swayed. I guess for me, we sorta became ok friends, but that issue was there and I didnt want to encourage them.

And with the issue of confirmation, this is why we have parents and pastors who can stand in the gap. Luckily for me, I have all of those, so when I'm praying I'm asking God to tell all of us, so there is no confusion.

So my advice to you, ask the TERC breathren to pray and stand on your behalf, you too pray about it, and ask your mum to stand with you too. You can also ask, your prayer meeting leader. Trust God speaks and clearly too. If you feel He's told you, He'll tell your boyfriend too.

All is well. Sorry for popping in late.

Niyi said...

hmmm.. hmmmm.. this is an interesting topic. I will try to make this short. I don't know how I will though.. lol

First of all, my opinion is that the word 'confirmation' is subjective.

I like when some people say they had peace about the decision they made. While I agree that God speaks to us, I believe he does so in different ways and avenues. And he doesn't always explain what He is doing during the process.

God directs our path and orchestrates the decisions of our lives in many ways we might not even understand. What he said we should do is "Trust Him with all of our hearts, not lean on our own understanding. Acknowledge Him in all our ways and He will direct our paths."

Phil. 4:7 emphasizes peace after the command in verse 6- Do not worry about anything...........

There is a book I read sometime ago that touched on the topic of marriage. It is titled "God's will and decision making". I am going to summarize 4 steps the author talked about:

1. Where God commands, we must obey.
2. Where there is no command, God gives us freedom and responsibility to choose.
3. Where there is no command, God gives us wisdom to choose.
4. When we have chosen what is moral and wise, we must trust the sovereign God to work all the details together for good.

I guess what I am saying is that sometimes we might not receive 'confirmation'. More importantly, we should strive to follow God's explicit commands (e.g in the case of marriage- not being unequally yoked), choose wisely (assessing where the guy and girl are 'going', vision, purpose, mission etc.)and then, ultimately trust God's sovereign will.

Having made a moral and wise decision (No.4),what both people might get is 'peace' as they trust God to unfold the plans He had ordained even before they were born.
If all these come with a 'confirmation', then so be it. But I don't think a decision is less effective without 'confirmation'

Have a great evening. Sorry, my comment is long.. lol

Nyemoni said...

I like this post cos sometimes I wonder about the WHYS of marrying my husband... not like I regret it, but I've been asked several times how I KNEW he was the one...I never really prayed for God to join us, I usually prayed for God to do his will in our relationship in such a way that we would both be convinced beyond doubt that we were doing the right thing...It culminated to marriage somehow and I'm left still wwondering how it happened! All I can say in the end is that I felt I was doing the right thing someway or the other, and I was happy, and still am.