February 4, 2007

Strictly for laughs

FIRST OFF: GO COLTS!!!!
interestingly enough...my team and my brother's team are playing against each other...of course mine will win!!!

so I was talking to my elder brother this weekend. I usually talk to him about guys so I can get a proper perspective although I think sometimes his reasoning is skewed. So he asked me...If a guy says He'd like to take you out to dinner, what does he really want. My reply is to have sex. He said "Very Good"...And if a guy tells you he likes what you're wearing, what is he really thinking?...and I replied "He'd like to take them off"...he laughed and told me to check my inbox... So in anticipation of NB-Bachelorette...I thought I'd share what he sent me


DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish = 49
Adventurous = Slept with everyone
Athletic = No tits
Average looking = Ugly
Beautiful = Pathological liar
Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure = On medication
Feminist = Fat
Free spirit = Junkie
Friendship first = Former very *friendly* person
Fun = Annoying
New Age = Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded = Desperate
Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate = Sloppy drunk
Professional = Bitch
Voluptuous = Very Fat
Large frame = Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate = Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?


MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you



And finally.....

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.
For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.
However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his backside.




The premier episode of NaijaBlogger Bachelorette is on Wednesday...so stay tuned and spread the word!!!

15 comments:

azuka said...

I think I like the new naughty side of Diamond I'm seeing :-D.

The description of 'athletic' had me rolling.

Naijadude said...

That is hilarious, and not everything is true as well, when I say nice dress, I mean nice figure, the cloth fits good!

And I love that stylish lady.....

Have a blessed week...

Biodun said...

Cant wait for Naijablogger bachelorette! lol @ d way women see guys.

Nyemoni said...

LOL... This one cracked me up good...I am definitely going to forward this!

londonnaijachic said...

lol! @ the personal ad,very funny.Let the blogger bachelorette begin.

LondonBuki said...

LOL!!!!

Funny start to the week!

I'll be back for Blogger Bachelorette!

Enjoy your week!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

The mens lingo are too funny - really is that all they think LOL.
As I read the ladies version, I was checking myself and what I'd say. haha.

Ok Im now so looking forward to wednesday's bachelorette thing. Really looking to see what happens.

Nilla said...

So looking forward to the blogger bachelorette..(hopefully, I'm not too busy).

Have a wonderful week ahead!

Jaycee said...

Naughty girl...

U know my eyes are open on the bachelorette event...he he he...this shd be fun!

Vera Ezimora said...

LOL

That was toooooo funny. I'm still cracking up here.

Ehen, hurry up with the bachelorette thingy jo.

Ms zee said...

bachelorette... what did i miss or did i miss something??


Really?????

Omodudu said...

Colts what?

diamond said...

@Azuka...Naughty? Moi? NEVER

@ND...okay o..you're the exception...i happen to agree with all of those

@Biodun...you've come out of hibernation...girl it starts tomorrow...so stay tuned

@Ms.Zee you definately have to come back for some more...

@Omodudu...WHAT IS THAT IM SMELLING? the musty scent of a HATER maybe? LOL

Kafo said...

Omodudu don't hate oo
we are still celebrating here in Indy
WE WOOOOOOOOOOOON
Diamond i am wondering if there is a breakdown of guys personal ads somewhere out there?

i like

DiAmOnD hawk said...

i should look for one right...i'll be on it...right after Blogger Bachelorette