February 27, 2007

NaijaBlogger Bachelorette - THE REVEAL... finally!!!!

THIS IS AN...
EXTRA LOOOOONNNNNGGGGGGGGG EPISODE
MAKE SURE YOU READ THE WHOLE THING!!!!!
GO GRAB YOUR POPCORN AND JUST FIND A NICE QUIET CORNER AND LET'S BEGIN!!!
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Is it only me or did this thing dddddrrrrrraaaaaaaggggggg out! I didnt mean it to....LOL... the true story is management didnt want to pay us our salary o and no pay no work... yall know how it is now... anyways enough of my dry jokes.....this is it .... UZO has chosen who she wants....

A big thank you to all my bachelors that participated. You guys are awesome and it was fun reading and critiquing ur answers. If you're were around me, Id cater a special dinner just for you guys! Please show all my bachelors love people!!!

Special thank you to OMODUDU for the old school music and his wonderful commentary, naughty BIJOU for trying to steal the Bachelors away on the DL, NILLA and LIFE OF A STRANGER for rigging the votes and Nubian Soul who scared all the bachelors away by keeping it real and giving the nitty gritty analysis...so much so that I had to bribe some of them to show face for this reveal!!!

And to MY special Bachelor...wherever you are...I think you're great and even though you're not perfect, I blindly think you're perfect for me and I know the same is true the day we're eye to eye.... :-)

*************************
UZO'S REVIEW:
*************************
After the reveal - My thoughts
I am doing this based on the fantasy date post so here goes

Bachelor I:
My favorite of the responses for the simple reason that he did his homework. I think after he found out who I was, he took the time to go thru my blog to pick up the little hints of me in there that make me tick. I dont eat breakfast but I love the apron touch (naked- em I would laugh about that) and the reference to coffee which I love.- For you I will. Lovely. I love the fact that he made it a day long affair. I can imagine the anticipation I would be feeling especially since the morning would have gotten on to a fantastic start. I am not a morning person but I would be more than happy to give a morning a chance with attention like this.

Roses at work - appealing to the old fashioned romantic side of me. The fact that its 3 dozen red roses - a little over the top but not predictable. A dozen roses would be blase but a single rose or a whole ton - yes oh. And then, since he is doing the whole delivering them at work thing, it's a public declaration that I am crazy about this woman and I want the whole world to know it. Not bad.

I love the clues and the notes. Appealing to the playful side of me that also loves surprises. Its almost like this bachelor knows me. I love Diane Von Furstenburg dresses because she makes women look like women. All soft, feminine and sexy - and then wrap dresses - to show a hint of skin now and again. He plays to my love of shoes and once again, he had to have read my blog really well because he honed in on Escada. I may love fragrances but I love, love Escada scents. I am not sure about men trying to dress me but since this is a fantasy date, I would be more than willing to let this go. Especially since he made such marvelous choices.

Tuning in to the radio station is so sweet. I would have preferred for the song playing to be one of my favorites and not his but oh well. My love for jewellery is at play here. A Tiffany charm bracelet? I love charm bracelets. When he finally shows up with a yellow carnation - carnations are simple flowers and yellow in flowers is about friendship, I can honestly say that I would be in tears at this point. Italian restaurant - scores major points here - Italian is the way to go for me and I have mentioned something about that on my blog.

Bringing Ms Ndegocello in here is just so right. He is catering to me and I like that. He mentions my name here. See its almost like he is relating this experience to me. Not for Diamond and blogsville but me. He knows some of her songs which is a huge plus. He introduces a spa experience and he must sense how harassed I am right at this moment because that just sounds so nice.

The nightcap - I can imagine being deliciously tired and giddy as hell and then to walk on rose petals - once again - the element of surprise: not just red petals but white and red - a private suite, candles, a hot tub, Champagne (I dont drink but tonight would be an exception), Victoria's Secret lingerie - divine. Now the Kama Sutra book being left for me is tacky and of course the bath and lingerie tell me where he wants this to end but the last line gives me a say in the matter. I like that


Bachelor II:
A close second for me. I didnt choose this bachelor because bachelor 1 personalized the experience more - put bits of me in there.

I like the idea of going away to a secluded island resort. This is a bachelor that appreciates the little things that others would take for granted - spectacular views, beautiful beaches, violin music. Nice. A bit like me. He has a way with words and I will be honest - the moment I read this, I KNEW who it was. Immediately. LOL
He pays attention to detail - arriving at dusk when the sun has gone down, having dinner till it sets completely and all thats left is candlelight.

Arriving by private jet shows that this man likes good, luxury things. He is interested in catering to me - being able to order what I want, being able to stop the movie when I want to nap. At this point, I would have liked more interaction. Something about holding me as I took the nap or talking or something.

He almost had me with the part about the pilot flying as low as allowed. Wow. Talk about attention to detail. This would have had me in total awe. Unbelievable. Driving in a convertible - LOL. My hair had better be in braids for this escapade. Walking on the beach - one of the things that I love to do in real life but cant.
This man can cook or knows his food because he describes in such great detail the menu for the night. He is also health conscious cos he just had to bring the fruit in here. Again, I would have loved there to have been more interaction - feeding each other or something. I mean he had it with the sinful tiramisu - I expected some innuendo here but I was sorely disappointed. I especially loved the points on the discreet waiters and waiting hand and foot on the special companion...

Not a bad date. Pretty good actually - it just felt distant. Not about me in particular. In addition, since I know who this is, I also know he has a legion of fans and I really don't want to start getting hate mail. LOL

Bachelor III:
Ah. This one. Bachelor number 3 worried me a bit. The first line - I AM NOT AN EARLY RISER. LOL. I like the lavender rose - different and so sweet. Kem is one of my favorite artists so its not a bad way to get up. No breakfast for me but still so sweet.

The Maserati tells me that this man likes very good things - now I am not sure about the bit about his new cd. I assume from this that he must be a singer? It's a show of narcissm if he plays me his own cd right? I would assume that if we are together, I would have been part of the song writing process and cd making process - not involved actively but be aware of everything as it plays out and I would probably know all his songs too. I would have preferred if he had written something new for me.

I love the fact that there is pampering at play here. Manolo Blahnik himself to design shoes for me? Fantastic. The line about not needing the beauty clinic scored this bachelor about a 100 more points. I love the touch of flowers here as well.

Arranging to meet the 3 people I have always wanted to meet. .A great idea but not for this day. See I would get so wrapped up in talking to Oprah and Mr Yunus and oogling Gary, that I might get distracted and it would end up ruining the day he has planned.

The hair appointment with Errol Douglas? I don't know who this is but I assume he has to be one of the best in the
business and the fact that nothing is too good for me...not a bad sentiment.

This bachelor has good taste I can tell. Diana Krall? Fabulous. I get to blindfold myself too? I like that. I love surprises and I get to a yacht? Efizzy man...Ahn Ahn. Blue roses? I love the sentiment behind this and since I like flowers, he is doing well. He has taken the time to read my blog though with the ruff endz song there so that's a plus.
Sailing to St Tropez? I would be totally overwhelmed. Then I have dinner that he makes himself? At this point, if the yacht turned into a plane and took off, I wouldn't be surprised. Ah wait - there is a helipad with candles and music and dancing - dreamy.

My favorite part of the date with Bachelor 3 are the words he reads at midnight. So sweet. The movie with pictures and clips of family members? Wow. The forehead kiss - ah......

Okay - here's the thing Bachelor 3 would overwhelm me on this date. Everything is so perfectly thought out and a bit over the top for my taste. I like things toned down a bit - more intimate. Not a bad try though.

Bachelor IV:
Once again, a plane ride to an exotic destination. Well I am easy and I like to travel so not a bad idea.
The stallion is very original but I would have preferred a white one. Don't ask me why. I get naked almost immediately...LOL. Its so very presumptuous of this bachelor. LOL. So we have dinner after the nakedness? Ehm. Not liking that very much. I like the idea of the pianist - once again since I love music, this will work for me. After dinner on the balcony would be fine except for the alcohol thing. I don't drink usually and I especially do not wine. The finalizing of this date just put me off completely. This isn't a fantasy date. It's a sexcapade. LOL. So it doesn't work.


Bachelor V:
Another trip away. Havent been to this island so I think I would enjoy it. I love the white concept of that R Kelly video so this might be fun. But I would have thought that the cruise boat thing would have worked better at night.


Lunch and dancing - the salsa dancing is different and so fun. I would like that and then the walk by the beach. Dinner by the sea...not bad as well. It would be very interesting I think. So I like seafood but I don't think lobster is a very romantic thing to have on a date. Oysters are an aphrodisiac so could this be the aim of the whole date? Excessive seafood will make me smell all fishy. Not cool at all.


Going to be a long night? I assume this is not because we will be watching bollywood movies. Again, this last line just put me off.




**DRUM ROLL PLEASE**


the winner is.....
the person who will intermittently serenade Uzo on her blog.....
the person who can proudly claim to be the NaijaBlogger Bachelor of the year 2007 is.....

BACHELOR I:NAIJA DUDE

please claim your award
(check back later today for the other awards)

please offer him your congratulations
visit his blog HERE

in the meantime...now that Uzo has chosen...
*clears throat*

Bachelor III...I'm an early riser...let me see you privately please for a word or more... LOL


THE ORIGINAL LIST OF BACHELORS AND MY FINAL COMMENTS

Bachelor 1-Azuka (you're too funny...I thot ur responses were cute...dont worry Im going to find someone just for you)

Bachelor 2-Miguel also Bachelor A and Bachelor III (im waiting for u in my office o...just going by ur responses I think ud make a wonderful Bachelor to a very lucky Bachelorette...u follow instructions pretty well...LOL...i wouldnt be overwhelmed if some things were edited out...like the part that involves OTHER ppl...lol...although KEMs music also makes me nauseous...I'd listen to you sing all day though :-) )

Bachelor 3-Davidylan (by the way I thot u were great. I loved your tiger icon.I was seriously rooting for you..Im on the look out for a Bachelor...you're definitely a front runner...)

Bachelor 4-NaijaDude also Bachelor B and Bachelor I (you're the winner...what else is there to add. Congrats babe!)

Bachelor 5-Olawunmi also Bachelor C and Bachelor II (loved your sister response...i thot u were goin to be a little wild though with your intro)

Bachelor 6-UnNaked (my dear dear friend...*wink*)

Bachelor 7-NaijaBloke also Bachelor D and Bachelor IV (you're funny...but we need to change ur gragra ways....Im making up a romance manual just for you)

Bachelor 8-Anthony also Bachelor E and Bachelor V (I hope you enjoyed being a bachelor and it restored certain things w/in you. You're funny...and this process was interesting...now be a good guy and STOP trying to bribe me LOL)

Bachelor 9-ChiefO (missing in action guy. Thanks for agreeing to participate)

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so.....WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK...surprised about who the bachelors are?

BACHELORS... PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE YOUR OWN COMMENTS/RESPONSES...IM SURE THE PUBLIC WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM EACH OF YOU

56 comments:

LondonBuki said...

FIRST!

I have been waiting all morning!

LondonBuki said...

Are you serious? Naija Dude? Is he not one of the younger ones in the group and he's got lines like that???

NaijaDude is not only fine and tall... he's charming!!!

CONGRATULATIONS NaijaDude! Looking forward to reading what you have for Uzo on her blog!

diamond said...

as of this moment...he doesnt even know...LOL
i knew u would be first...im bidding my own time to be first on your own blog

Nilla said...

FINALLY the reveal.....

Which Nilla rigged your votes...not this one oh! :-) LOL

CONGRATS Naijadude!!!
I wouldn't have guessed you were Bachelor #I

Was fun while it lasted....well fun until you guys (management) decided to keep us in too much suspense.

Nilla said...

Good job Diamond Hawk!

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Why must u wash my dirty linen in public, ehn Diamond? I thot we'd keep it secret and now u're exposing me (lol). At least one of the bachelors i was rooting for, was almost chosen. And who's ur special bachelor, hmmm... Anyways, it was wonderful being a co-presenter at NBIBS. Better increase my pay o. Ok, can u do the lovely ladies in BloNgsville a favor and hook up the remaining bachy's?

U did an excellent job!

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Yes D it took so long to get here, and finally we are. Yeah Naija Dude won - if only he knew how much I was rooting for him..LOL. I was only tring to stop that Nilla from all her ways LOL...Yes nilla I saw what you were doing..LOL.

well I will defo be keeoing it real and have decided to continue subscribing to your station and keep my business here.

Have a blessed week.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

ermm. Ps. so what now. What happens to the rest of the bachelors - u know they also gave some lovely responses and are all winners in our sight.

Miguel said...

First off, Naijadude congrats! same goes for Uzo...Diamond I commend you for putting this together and to the other bachelors you guys were off the hook...

Being my first time taking part in such, I totally had a great time. From thinking about what to write, the music on here each day, to the comments left by the ladies, it made for great relief from my usual day. So I guess I'll also thank everyone that participated through their comments.

Now finally, my dear Diamond.. thanks for the sweet comments. Though I lost the fight, I won the war. Kindly guide me to your office.

Just going by your putting this together I can clearly say you are a really creative lady, full of ideas and your ability to execute floors me. You gave me something to look forward to intensely these past few weeks and I totally enjoyed every single day of it. You have a spare heart here if ever you need one!

Nilla said...

@ LOASCM
he he he he.....
Like I said in my earlier comments don't know what you guys are talking about ;-)

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

*Singing* Tra la la la la, there'll be a blog wedding someday. Just remember Bijouxoxo said it first *Still singing* Tra lalala.

Awwwwwwwww @ "You have a spare heart here if ever you need one"

Okay so madam hook up the remain bachy's jo abi wetin u dey wait for sef. I've my eye on a couple of them (lol). I'm loving the songs on here bajebaje.

Soul said...

So Azuka.. that was you with the Hybrid car? how very interesting.

Naijadude.. Seriously I already told you that you are hot to def.. see what I mean!. Well done.

Olawunmi said...

that was a truly interesting competition i swear. and some of the responses by the other bachelors were so good that i wanted kick myself for not thinking up something more interesting to say.

omodudu's analyses had me in stitches too.

but it was wierd having soul rip into us there without being able to reply her. i couldn't take the risk of exposing myself, but if i catch that woman she will know what end of the bottle is up. lol.

in all, it was a really good idea.

well done DH! you're the best. if we ever have an award for Innovation in a blog, you'd certainly be one of my choices.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

Miss D - this is a side bar - so what will u be doing in the next couple of weeks???

david said...

lol. I no gree for this kain voting sef! Someone must have been hiding ballot boxes in their house!
Anyway excellent idea and i enjoyed it thoroughly while it lasted, kudos to the other guys who made it sooooooo tough. Men, i never knew i was way behind in terms of lines o. Gotta go reinvent my style before i start thinking of another bachelorette.
Congratulations to Naijadude, nice shot! Thanks for reminding me NOT to introduce my girlfriend to you when i get one!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

Life of a strangeri dont know o. I said this thing was work right? but i tell you i ENJOYED EVERY MINUTE of it...i was really able to express my true self thru this... perhaps i should start studying for my GMAT now right? that sounds good...lol...

Olawunmi...yeah i wanted to kick you too... :-) you were great tho... oya TMInx and Azuka...go and include that category for this year's BloggerAwards o so that Olawunmi can vote for me!
I thought Omodudu did a great job!

OVERWHELMED if you see this and have any of the songs u mentioned in the previous post abeg fwd them my way ...that goes for anyone reading this and wants to share

as for #3...3 being the # of God...perfection...hmmmmm... anyways dont let me embarass myself here...we shall continue this in the office... LOL

what are you singing you this Bijou... you're a sweetheart though...but no pay increase for you!!!

so Soul...anymore revelations on Azuka? pray tell us more!!!

david said...

and madam Diamond, thanks for giving us the chance to test our tricks....
Next time dont let Adedibu see the voters boxes o!

DiAmOnD hawk said...

EBE ANO EBE AANNNOOOO...
Dat is d in ting for town...

NAIJADUDE IS THE BACHELOR OF THE YEAR...AND HE'S HOT HOT HOT!!!
FELLAS KEEPS YOUR GIRLS AWAY O


david...tiger...it's NILLA AND LIFE O... they are the guilty ones...

Olawunmi said...

Congratulations Naija Dude!!!

LondonBuki said...

Oh My! I just saw Soul's analysis of the Bachelors!!!

FUNNY!!!!!

@Diamond You are going to be in Soul's neck of the woods soon... hmmm.....

DiAmOnD hawk said...

yes o...the fear of flying has gone away somewhat w/last year... so by the Grace of God I will be there...thinking of planning a mixer while im there...so we'll see...will let u know if i do

Uzo said...

I had so much fun.....so so much fun. Diamond and I will be working on putting together The Bachelor so watch out for that....

azuka said...

Thanks everyone.

At first I really, really tried to fit in but for someone who's never done any asking out in the real world, doing so online didn't exactly feel natural [whatever that means] to me. I tried pulling out but Diamond (thank you Diamond!) played some [good] tricks with words and I stayed on, deciding to just be myself, not caring if people liked my responses.

I've been rooting for Naijadude from the start and when I made my silly review I didn't exactly like any of the answers better and assumed Naijadude was Number 2, lol. Well, I'm glad he won and I'd like to congratulate my fellow contestants for keeping it real.

Soul's review had me chuckling, blushing purple and undergoing several [what's the word here?]... Thanks again!

So I'll ask the question no one has asked: when do we see the lady (and no, I don't mean a pouting picture of Betty Boop!)?

Soul said...

Olawunmi.. what the heck do you mean 'having soul rip into us'.
Haba my broda, I was just commenting and making some kind observation.

Se no be trye I talk?. now you are delivering threats like you gangsta!. young man... bend over seems like you need your ass spanked for a lil bit. (smile)

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Holy Makossa.. I'm glad Naijadude won... but e pain me small oh seeing as uzo might suceed in taking my Jolene from me(but I'll get in contact with her so we can discuss a mutually beneficial arrangement... I mean as long as I'm allowed to still be his Jolene... I can tell her tons about him... his likes, his dislikes... things that will help make their blog relationship a great succes... makes sense.. yes?)... but on the real... UZo you're a fantastic babe and I hope Naijadude shows you all the attention you deserve... I love the way you analyzed their responses... it was fun to read and this entire journey has been a blast... here's to getting everything we want... in blog and real life!!!

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

ahhh... Diamond.. I just saw your comment.. crap.. i'm not sure if i have them on this computer or not.. ill check.. and get back to you...

Naijadude said...

HMMMM A WHOLE HUMBLE ME WIN??? Hmmm na wah ooh, oya Overwhelmed make we celebrate under the palm wine tree, abegi buy enough "pure water" for everybody who say congrats! Infact all of them wey rig the vote, enough "agege bread" to go around.

For Miss Diamond herself, abegi make we present am with one "big Mac" with coke to go!

Uzo? the bachelorrette? I dey come back from my slumber!!!

Angela said...

LOL.Wow so dem don remove mask from lagbaja's face? Even before some people were revealed, you could smell their booosheeet miles away. by their "trying too hard" you shall know them. Congrats naijadude. at least you kept it real. i for one can't stand fake negroes. **whuuuuuuuussssssssaaaaa** it's funny how some couldn't hide their selfishness. Even on fantasy date with uzo, they were still centered on themselves. great job diamond. This was really fun and we enjoyed it.

Anonymous said...

Angela grow some sense!It's all for fun.

Angela said...

anonymous..if i need sense, ypu need balls and sense combined. sour grapes huh? You can use ur real handle to cry about this oh if hte thing pain you reach. or were u too blind to see where i said i had fun and even thanked Diamond for her creativity? arsewipe! i hate all these anonymous twats sha! you must think you are fooling all sha..u were urself until you saw angela's comment then decided to hide and say ur mind. spineless aproko

DiAmOnD hawk said...

NaijaDude...thank you...thank you for the song dedication as well...you really are THE bachelor of the year...kudos ... but I want Agege bread too so abeg add that to it!!!

LOL@Angela... actually I thought all the bachelors did a wonderful job... some of them went outside their comfort zone to do this...so I actually think they werent self-centered at all. It's all a learning experience... like I said for Bachelor 7...i will be creating him a Romance Manual to aid him... but Im proud of all them all in all. They each brought somn unique to this... I think they all did well... but watch out for THE BACHELOR hosted by UZO...we'll see what the girls have to offer... let me know if you'd like to participate...would be interested in seeing what you've got...lol :-)

hmmm..ANON..you're right..it's all for fun...but you know what? you never knowwwww... what a story that would be if someone actually met via this medium and did actually get married in reality or hook up...or get some business deal...infact i predict somn like that WILL happen...maybe not thru blogger bachelorette but thru blogger in general. I've made some cool friends off it...so the possibilities are only limited by you...each of us... and maybe internet access... LOL gosh...did someone call for a speech? LOL :-)

Overwhelmed...check for me o..and send at ur leisure...thx babe

DiAmOnD hawk said...

settle down children...LOL...Angela...dont worry about it...Anon...it's all good!!!

NaijaBloke said...

This was fun while it lasted,although most of us were a lil' busy sending answers in..apologise for that ...

Diamond almost chop my head off when am late sending in the answers,I must admit it was a lil' bit tasking trying to beat the other contestants with ur answers,but t'was fun though.

We hereby declare Nilla as the Adedibu of this election process for been able to get access to the ballot boxes and for bribing driving people to the voting center and bribing them with breads stuffed with $ notes...

@Diamond ..na me u dey talk about .. o ti mo nko to nshe e.. oya send the manual now ..

diamond said...

i am working on the manual as we speak!!!

Ms. May said...

Ye o!!!!!!!!! I have missed. As in, this yeye GMAT exam kept me away from all the Bachelor fun. And Soul.......o pari! I just cught up and Diamond, MAD PROPS!!!! You are sooooo creative. Keep it coming. So ermmmmm, now that Uzo has chosen NaijaDude, what happens?

Soul said...

Ms May.....
Now we fight her for him abi.
I've been rehearsing my gidigbo moves and I have hired some thugs to do the 'man-napping'.
Nah fight to finish oh..
naijadude is a hot mother-'shuturmouf' around blogville.

:)

Uzo said...

Alright ladies...calm down.....Naija Dude, Overwhelmed and I will come up with a formula. But everyone else, keep off

LondonBuki said...

Dat Gurl... DIAMOND :-)

I like your new blog header profile photo :-)

Olawunmi said...

@ Soul:

when you see me coming,
you had better start running
get your shoes, get to stepping
withe quickness, my wrath will be visited without weakness
so take your meekness
out of my presence.
all that ish that you were talking
there'll be hell to pay
no mercy

diamond said...

thx buki...

waiting to see who will win this one...olawunmi vs soul

Soul said...

ooohhh ... it's like that now is it?
Olawunmi reveals himself as the the fire breathing black wizard
I'll take on your 2-bit wrath
turn it to sand like I'm the gizzard
and you the chicken
it's sickening
the way I'll have u screaming BEAM ME UP
like captain picard
I told you once before brotha man
it's hot in here so you might as well 'bizounce'
you mess around with me and I'll unleash a whole blizzard.

Olawunmi said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Olawunmi said...

i se you like the chicken analogy
but i think you owe me a major apology
but did you forget your biology,
let me school you for a heartbeat.
if you're the gizzard, then it means lady
that you're stuck inside of me
heck, i might get pissed off and throw you up
then pick you between my claws and kick the fight,
mad stubborn attitude out of you,
then swallow you back whole and let you
get back to digesting my food!
damn, i might just eat you up like you were some bird-seed
word!
have you pleading with me
just to increase the peace so you can breathe!

Soul said...

slow your roll young man i keep telling you
before you try to school those who came before you
I'll say it again, I'm that gizzard inside you
aiding your digestion
working you from the inside out
you definitely do not want me to shut the house down
I'd like to see you try to throw away
what you can't do without
see it's like this
I'm so deep inside you
I can the words forming
before you spit them out
without me there is no you
I am the seed that became you
the sap you draw on
to make your tree trunk stong
you better recognise lil man
Like Cuba gooding discovered
I'm your motherfucking 'Quan'
I'm the onl;y reason you think you're a man
Now, I'm taking it easy with you
verbally taking a chill pill with you
but if you persist
I'll be forced to make cheese outta you
betta yet I'll knock the sneeze outta you.
I ain't gonna say it again.

Olawunmi said...

there you go again mami,
making your grandiose claims
about who you is, and what you can do to me
its sounding to me like buzzing bees without the sting
quick with the threat but powerless to bring no pain.
i might watch you denge and do gra gra for a heartbeat or two
and then i'll walk through and boldly claim your honey
and that will be my gain.
take your own lunch money and toss you the scraps from my plate
matter of fact i should tell you straight
your threats are very lame, and they're starting to irritate
better get some help, and learn to irrigate that hate, before you start to calcify from inside;
sista, you betta shine ya eye
if you as much as touch me in your sleep
when you awake you better get down on your knees
pray i don't catch wind of your impunity
better still, call me and say you're sorry with humility;
before i verbally and lyrically discombabulate that false bravery into abject cowardice
abi you no dey look face?
now let me break this lesson down for you slow, Madam Slow, or is your name Soul?
you know i have mad love for you,
but i will not spare the rod if you get too bold
have you lying on your knees and elbows in your repose
because your butt hurts too much from the discipline that i imposed
don't make me show you how hurricane winds blow...

Soul said...

oh no, here we go
re-writing 'yourstory' again 'mr man'
I didn't start this assault
your words issued the first threat
leaving me to flip the script
pull your pants down and show you what u're worth
I told you I'll go slow on ya
and you confused it with my name
then you use it in a line
and you wondering who is lame?
puhlease
now you wanna school me but you can't teach
fake ass preacher delivering sermons but you can't preach
even gangsta gaan sef, e dey out ya reach
sit your ass down
before I exorcise you with bleach
you ain't got a damn thing on me
I got misdemeanors longer than your speech
this ain't no playground jaunt
this is grown folks space
U hustling for lunch money
shit I'll throw in some free cake
cheap ass negro
get the hell outta my face

Omodudu said...

I demand a recount.. LOL. Nigerians are very competitive oh, look a fight broke out on the reveal post.
Diamond good job.
To all the bachelors nice effort.
To Naijadud that won, bragging rights for the next one year uhn.
To Uzo, Too many choices dey run belle o.
Okay time to critic the Executive director of the show Diamond, and her camera-woman..Bijou.
The show kinda dragged sha, even me I got a bit lethargic sef.
The responses were kinda long oh, next time shouldn't it be restricted to a pre determined number of words, that makes it harder and more fun.
After all said and done, I norminate this show for ehm ehm ...day time Oscar.

Olawunmi said...

oh well, don't say i didn't try to make it easy for you
Slow Soul,
figured i'd hustle you for your chump change,
heard that's all you were packing anyways,
but now you're fronting like you got major pay
i didn't want to make a little girl cry,
and i won't lie, its tempting when you go shooting off like a cocky child
now where's the pacifier
maybe we can get you to stop crying on web sites
now go back to sucking ogi through your feeding bottle
what, you think i didn't know about that?
i bet you don't know []don't know]
the drama i could bring
when i invade and haunt thee deliberately
have you seeing visions of me when you just want to be asleep.
tattoo my name on your eyelids like it was the mark of ownership
heck, even your nightmares would wear my brand
you'll be screaming for your baby blanket and teddy bear
crying for the nanny to come and pat your butt back to lala-land.
forget dracula, ojuju and gremlins
i know you're still afraid of the dark, but
get your crayons out, let's draw happy pictures
that's you under the tree,
yes baby, the little ant
can you see the giant branch
that's hanging above your head?
well that's the foot of the bigman, about to stomp
you like a little bug, don't cry, not yet
there'll be time for that when you fall out of your play pen
now go back to learning those abcs
and stop following me around,
trying
to talk with your mouth full of pringles.

DIAMOND said...

thx for the constructive criticism...it will definitely be better next time or less wordy...i felt you on that point!

it seems like Soul is winning this one o...but Olawunmi you get points too

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I dare not stop the flow of the word combat going on on ur page. Im listening via reading.

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

ooh by the way - luve u new diamont art...........luvleyyyyyyyyyy.

Soul said...

Olawunmi
You don't really know what beef is
that's blatantly obvious
you keep flapping your jaw non-stop
and the words emerging lack acute focus
their impact is less than that of an acute angle.
So you know you floating on negative degrees
no flow, no hip, no soul just a head full of breeze
you mean to tell me that shit up there
is all you can step to me with?
N E G R O PLEASE
sut your mouth and take a chill pill
your ass is dragging out of your mama's window sill
I suggest you take time out, swallow a chill pill
cos your ill thought out attempts
at dropping knowledge
leave the world encased in a chill
your wackness is real
your slackness is sealed
your cheap ass broken down-ness
would make full grown man scream

Overwhelmed Naija Babe said...

Holy Advil!!!

Vera Ezimora said...

Xcuse me, I'm kinda late here. Is the fight between Soul & Olawunmi 4 real??? Are they just spitting words or is this real?? Please, tell me they r just spitting words.

Anywayz...

NaijaDude is the bachelor? Woah! Congrats NaijaDude! I'm not jealous o *sobs*

Anthony Arojojoye said...

O pari o! This one is Word-o-rama abi na Word-mania VII?

I reserve my precious comments about the bachelorette. But I would not like anyone to come up with the heinous comment that Nilla is Adedibu or that she rigged election. People go to jail for less than that u know.
Diamond u know u owe me, and u didn't do me right during the election/selection. Ile lapoti n joko de idi.

Nilla said...

@ Anthony
Thanx :-)