January 25, 2007

Is love enough?

'Tis the season to be married...many websites to filter through and celebratory pictures to scrutinize. Statistics show in the US that close to half of the people getting married will be divorced within 5 years except of course another 9/11 happens and people withdraw their petition only to refile a year later. So let's see... mirror mirror on the wall...who's the unluckiest couple of them all. Even while Im rejoicing with couples...sometimes I wonder...cuz when I hear of couples divorcing after such a long time...when at first they seemed like the "it" couple...I wonder what happened

I love love stories and happy endings. It's what has festered my Romance Novel addiction. Even when I buy a book...I go right to the end...if I dont like the end of the book then I wont buy it. I love to read about how couples met, how they knew it was love, how the proposal was. I think of my own love story....mine was a Love that grew...there was no instant attraction...at least not on my part. I asked one of my coworkers...how did you know your husband was the one?...She said when her husband first met her...within 5 minutes, he'd told her that she would be his wife...and at the time, all she was thinking about was "hmmm...we could make pretty babies" so it took a bit for her to get where they are. Now they're 18 years strong.

So is love enough for any relationship?

I mentioned previously that I had a deadline for when I want to be married by. So Im thinking....what if He cant meet the deadline. Is it because of Love that I will keep waiting and postponing? Thoughts/Questions like these lend a business type sense to something that shouldnt be that way...or should it? Should I even have a deadline? I have a friend who, while I was in college, asked about my relationship status. At the time I was single. He told me "Diamond...dont get into the "american" way of thinking that you have time"... He said although its not vocalized, women do kinda have an expiration date. I told him WHATEVER. because I dont subscribe to that kind of thinking.... I can cite examples of people that I know that have gotten married past the age of 30 and appear to be happily married at that... Actually people who get married after the age of 30 tend of have a lesser rate of divorce. Guys ideally tend to get married around age 30...but what happens when both people are the same age as is the case w/me. Sometimes I think it woulda been better if I was a bit younger or him a bit older...

I was talking to one of my good friends BK a couple of days ago and I asked her this same question. In her church on sunday, the pastor asked its members during sunday school, what makes a happy home..People mentioned...patience...compromise...being able to endure...BK mentioned Love...but of course...what else...The pastor agreed and he added Money. Money is indeed necessary. So I have a deadline right? What if He feels he is not financially ready. If I decide to move on, will that make it seem it's all about the money. Will I even be able to move on since I say I love him? I was advised recently to keep my options open. This doesnt seem fair. You claim to love someone and want to be with them but still keep your options open. So maybe Love isnt enough...

All in all, this is my prayer...actually got it from my sister...I pray that I embody the definition of Love according to 1 corinthians 13: 4-7 and I show this to my partner and vice versa.

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud
5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.
6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out.
7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

I pray that in my love relationship...that I am patient with my partner...not jealous or rude or demand to have my way. I pray that I am not irritable....

I was listening to something recently by my pastor from a couple years back. He stated...if you say love someone or someone loves you....Ask yourself these questions

Are you patient with that person or is that person patient with you?
just go down the list of the scripture..and then think about it

Questions....more questions...Love conquers all right? Then it should be enough right? It should transcend any deadline right? Wrong?? Maybe???


BY THE WAY...COMING SOON...
BLOGGER BACHELORETTE...... BE ON THE LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!

20 comments:

LondonBuki said...

I don't think Love is enough... I wish I could go into a LONG explanation... you've kinda mentioned some things I'd have said... I also agree with the Pastor - MONEY!!!

Everyone around me is getting married, I am far from that... I am 26 later this year and expiration date or no expiration date, IF the time comes, good! If not, there's more to life...

Refinedone said...

True Love is enough ... not feelings, not lust, not like, not that warm feeling you get when your around the "one"...
The God kind of love ... unconditional...simply put. Marry you friend...Marry a man (more in love with you) IMO and most of all Marry a man the is submitted to God ... (just because he is, does not mean he will not have faults)
Love is tested...and it grows...it gets better ... cos you (hopefully) get better too...
...so I say (Agape love) is enough in marriage but should be mixed with (Eros) as well.… :)
(4 Married folks only)

Uzo said...

I dont like the idea of deadlines. Love and marriage are so complex and need to be entered into carefully so putting a time frame can be temptation to take the first thing that comes your way....I say relax, let God lead you and it will be well. Theoretically, we think we know what lova and marriage should be and what should happen within a relationship, however, the true teacher is experience. Once one gets into a situation, mindsets may need to be re-adjusted and situations dealt with - maybe differently from previously thought.

Ehm..,..Blogger Bachelorette....Hurry up with that...

Anonymous said...

Hmmm..Diamond...I'm back. Nice post once again.
Is love enough? Very good question. If you are talking about the love of romance novels...then NO NO NO definitely not enough...infact it shouldn't be a top priority. I believe that stuff in the novels and from hollywood love stories have messed up so many girls heads it's not even funny...one of the contributing factors to the high divorce rates in cultures that glorify this type of romantic love.

However,if you are talking about the love that you so aptly quoted from corinthians then that is enough for any relationship.

I have to clarify that. It's enough to keep and grow a marriage relationship. It's also enough to nurture a courtship that will end in marriage AND...wait for it...it's also enough to gracefully end a courtship that is not meant to end in marriage because sometimes LOVE like GOD(who is love by the way says NO).

Until you are married you have not become one with that individual so it's actually not spiritually binding.So instead of saying keep your options open(even though I understand where such people are coming from), I'll say prayerfully request that God guiedes your steps and makes your paths clearer as you go along like the dawning of a new day.

It's also beneficial to search inwards and truthfully ask yourself what is my intent for getting married. Many people don't do this and it's very important. i'm saying this because people seek out their intent and then the relationship doesn't work out because the intent was wrong.Some marry because it's expected by society at a certain age, some marry for money, some marry to prove they can get a man or to prove they can get the most eligible bachelor.Notice all these are external intents which are vain and not grounded in substance.

Marriage believe it or not is designed to make you know God more...REALLY?(doesn't sound at all like what the romance novels told us).

God created us in His image...male and female. In the marriage union we combine the male and female aspects of our God and create another avenue to explore Him

He likens marriage to Christ and the church. I'm sorry. I've turned this comment into a blog in itself.

Well I'm rooting for you Diamond.
So ask yourself.."What is my intent."

Omodudu said...

I dont think its a good idea to keep the options open. Let me use myself as an example, I tried that , guess what, I went through those options one after the other, wasting precious years. That has been a major lesson for me.
Deadlines are okay for some personality groups, for me I embrace challenges, I would love to have a deadline. If I do not get one from the Mrs. I set one for myself.

temmy tayo said...

I dont think marriage should be based on love again. My own prescription to everyone is base your marriage on good friendship.

Cos when the love grows cold, you cn always count on the friendship.

@Anon: what is your intent?

Naija Vixen said...

i hav to echo londonbuki,love is not enuf..sure it'ld get u thru sum tymes...but what bout hope;-),respect,trust,good conversational skillz...all which one wuld need 4 marriage?luvvn ur blog gurl...going to read up past posts now!

Anonymous said...

@temmy tayo LOL...i beg ask me oh. what is my intent?I got carried away. I guess i get very passionate about this topic as you can see. I overdid it...ended up writing a whole blog. It's all in good faith though

londonnaijachic said...

nice post.i gotta to say love isn't enough in a relationship so many other things gotta be considered.Someone mentioned friendship, this is key.My mom normally prays for me saying:"olorun a fun e ni oko to je pe e ma sore ara yin kale"(sorry but somethings are better said in one's native tongue), meaning "may God give you a husband who will be your friend forever".

Cherub (former Bijouxoxo) said...

Ms. Lady, haven't u heard "No romance without finance, if u wanna be with me ..." Anyways, i patiently await ur blogger bachelorette post.

DiAmOnD hawk said...

bijou....holla at me asap...i want you to help me with it....

hmmmm...BUKI you said IF...so does that mean you dont care whether or not you get married?

Ive heard that before...REFINEDONE...get married to a guy who's more into you than you are into him...I kinda subscribe to that...

em....yes...AUNTY UZO, BLOGGER BACHELORETTE will be making its debut before Val's day...working on it now....

Okay OMODUDU I've got you...YES to deadlines...NO to Options.

Temmy I definitely think friendship is important...i believe amongst anything you shud be at least friends...one of my mom's friends was praying for me over the phone the other day...she started sayin God will bless you with someone that will be a friend, a brother, a this a that...i was like AHHHHHH...a brother?...lol...i sha said AMEN O

NaijaVixen...you are most welcome on my blog abode...dont be a stranger :-)..I agree about the good conversational skills...i think that ties in with friendship as well

@LNC...Im really feeling what Anon and Refinedone wrote...if it is the TRUE love..then....oh lordy...so many thots...i have to read Anon's comment again! hope you're doing well sha

DiAmOnD hawk said...

***********************************
DEAR ANON
did you watch Oprah yesterday because I promise you that was the question that was being asked. Yesterday dealt with couples and their relationships. I love what you wrote..maybe we should do a Dear Anon type relationship type blog u know...

I was floored when i read what you wrote...infact i wanted you to keep going...but if you could finish the thought on true love leading to saying NO...I'd appreciate that

what is my intent? hmmm...what SHOULD my intent be? I mean having sex and children is part of my desire to wanting to get married...i wonder if that's kinda selfish.... definitely something I should delve deeper into...i know the answer wont come instantly... infact my sister and i are on the phone right this minute talking about it...if ppl could tap into our phonecalls...they'd definitely get an earful....and if you have more to add...please add it...you're allowed!!!!

and thank you for your words! :-)

Nilla said...

I'm glad I came at this time, cos everyone has said everything.
I really love this post...because I'm kind of in the same postion as you are. And it used to bother me.

But you know what, I don't think too much about it any longer..Of course I wanted to get married like yesterday....LOL, and I also used to think if I were in Nigeria I'd be married already.

While I still think about it, I don't let it bother me to the extent that I can't live a normal healthy life.

But talking about deadlines, I think when I reach 25, I'll no longer be interested in marriage cos I'll have other priorities and dreams....
That's just a thought.

And I still pray about me and my boyfriend.

Nilla said...

I noticed I didn't answer your question.

"Is love enough?"
For some people it is, for some people it is not.

Naija Sapphire said...

I don't think love is enough. I think it has a lot to do with being ready. You might love him/her and yet not be ready.

Being the religious girl that I am, I believe God's time is the best. Even @ 50, love can still be found. We might get tired of waiting but marriage is a big (scratch that, huge)step from love.

Vera Ezimora said...

Love is definitely not enough. There is so much more - money, understanding, patience, trust, communication... do I need 2 go on?

The Life of a Stranger called me said...

I dont think LOve trully is enough, whatever the saying of love conquers all. That Love will get straigned and the worries of this life like the financial burdens will choke it. LOL. But on a serious note, one needs to go in prayers and ask God concerning this individual and if He says Yes, whatever the circumstance He will get your through, cause you can always go to Him and tell him that afterall He gave them to you.

I like whats anon said, the questions we nned to ask ourselves. The reasons. Im actually asking myself that question.

This post has come at a good time and has delved into an area that requires illumination.

Shay said...

i read this blog yesterday and didn't leave a comment. now i feel i should add my own two cents too :) love can (or should i say is) enough...depending on your perspective. if love (God's kind, of course) is enough to cover our sins and renew us so we become new creatures, then i believe it is enough. i have to say that loving someone encompasses all the things everyone's mentioned- respect, supporting financially, prioritizing the other person, etc.

HOWEVER, if your definition of love is the 'tingly' feelings u have when u're with ur bf or gf, then i would say you definitely need some major REINFORCEMENTS. feelings fluctuate and can't be trusted.

for anyone who's unmarried (like me), i pray that God helps you realize His true intent for marriage and i pray that He helps you learn all the lessons He wants & needs you to learn.

thanx for the blog. xx

UnNaked Soul said...

Let's not get it twisted: "God is not love!" That is belittling (gbagan!) GOD. Love is a frame of mind that anyone can attain with patience, experience, and dedication... GOD made that framework doesn't he exist within that frame work...

that said, someone is teaching what love is... and am willing to learn... me & my restless sugar coared 7yr old soul... LOL

(After reading this, bite me!)
Marraige was invent by the nobles, copied by the common, sanctified by religion... (unNaked Soul)

nice one Diamond...

DiAmOnD hawk said...

if you intended your exclamation to be shocking...then it was...i had to shake my head and reread....because that is what i based my foundation on...hmmmmm

biting u...may not be such a good thing...lol