September 29, 2006

A little humor

Nigerians in Heaven

Angel Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have Nigerians up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn is missing, maggi sauce is all over their robes, goat meat, and cow leg. Ox tail, and chicken bones are all over the streets of Gold. Some folk are walking around with one wing.They have been late taking their turn in keeping the stairway to heaven clean. There are Banana peels and Orange seeds all over the clouds. Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messing up their hair ...

The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children. If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil.

"The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Dang, hold on”.
"The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"
The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold.

After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said, "Okay, I'm back. What was the question?"
The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe... hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.

The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now. These Nigerians have put the fire out, and are trying to install air conditioning!"

September 28, 2006

I havent met her yet

Im exhaling yall. Im writing this as Im processing it...

I remember different incidents through the course of our friendship.
I took him and his cousin to church...this was like part 2 of the introduction process to the Nigerian community. This wasnt a church I normally go to...because the service was too long and unfulfilling but they wanted to go...so we went sporadically throughout the summer. I remember they would come late all the time which irked me. But one day, during some thanksgiving thing...he looked back at me and I looked right at him and it was interesting. I wasnt sure what to make of that. It was nice...nothing sexually transmitting...it was just nice to look at each other. The church was very boring to be honest. We used to find humor in alot of things there. It seems kinda bad but he used to make fun of the pastor...he (the pastor) always would say "parraps"...as in perhaps...and we found that amusing. Parraps this Parraps that.

One time we were joking around in my suite mate's room...she was cool with us that day and S had taken off his shirt and I took a picture....as in playfully trying to capture him. When I developed the pictures, I couldnt even look at it. As in it was just me and the picture. No one else was around. I took a sneak-peek at the picture and then I hid it. I was so embarrassed to look at it. I finally had to destroy it. Now I think about it and I’m turning red remembering. Gosh. what was wrong with me? Why was I bothered? I can only laugh at myself cuz I dont think even now I could bring myself to look at him if the access was there. Oh boy boy boy....

We were driving down the street one day. I was in the front seat with him, his cousin in the back. Some song came up and he grabbed my left hand, interlacing my fingers with his and pretended he was singing the line of a song to me. It was some sort of "im feeling you baby, you’re the one for me" type song. I feigned ignorance; I laughed. Im sure he was joking around. His cousin was like "Gerraway jo...you mean you dont know"...but we were all in a light mood and it soon passed. I've thought it over and over in my head...does he like me? do I like him? I just don’t think so. At least not in the romantic/sexual sense...or do I?

S moved a couple of years after we met. I moved too. We moved to the same state…the same year...him for a job, me because I was told by my mom to move after graduation. He was the only friend I knew at the time that I could hang with. My ex lived in the same state as well...but he was my ex so you know how that goes. S lived half an hour from me. He would come and we would chill. That boy loves to drive. He would visit all the time. I felt bad that he would come over all the time but I wasn’t about to start driving over to his place it was just too far. I did make it there once but I told him I wouldnt be back.

He took me out for my birthday that year. It was to a nice restaurant downtown. We got lost. I knew it but he never admitted it. Just kept saying he wanted to surprise me....INDEED. We were lost...actually he was lost...I was just along for the ride. That's when I knew that when people say guys dont like to ask for directions or admit they're lost...that it's the truth. You know he didnt admit that we were actually lost until the next year during one random conversation? We had a nice time at the restaurant. It was really nice of him. I felt like I was an actress on TV...you know those shows that guys and girls are friends and go out and have fun with no strings attached and are just so tres chic. Yes...Diamond was now a big girl! I had a degree…a car…a job..and I was doing adult things, at least to my way of thinking! The restaurant was interesting...there was this couple there fighting...as in we were all sitting close to each other and the guy was tripping on the girl. The girl was as fine as anything and the guy was burlish looking and he was cussing up a storm at this girl…walking off attimes and this girl was just taking the abuse...I guess that was our entertainment for the night. Going to the restaurant with him surprised me. Honestly, I feel sometimes that S has a tight hand over his money. If I didnt know he was igbo I would swear up and down that he was the konkest ijebu man ever to live. He's really smart with his money I have to admit...invests it as wisely as he is able to...I like him for that. It's one of the few things I know that no one else does...I feel - privileged.

Once at home, something happened that made me think he might like me like me. But I brushed it aside and we continued as normal. As in something happened where we got close...he sorta...we just got close...I had to brave my way outta that situation. Too close for comfort. But I wonder what would've happened if I had just let things progress. Would the lines have been crossed? And if it had,then what? Unsolved Mystery. As always we reverted back quickly...we chilled. Eventually, I made a new friend...which means he made a new friend too and two became 3. We would all hang out and talk about everything but I was still his closest pal. My cousins that I lived with thought he was weird but that's okay because he was my friend and I accepted him flaws and all. Interestingly enough S tends to get along with more people than I do...he has a higher tolerance level so he still keeps in touch with most ppl that I introduced him too while I just cant be bothered. Im working on that...im still in a work in progress

He moved again...but this time he lived 5minutes away so it was easier to visit. He helped me move into my new apartment. I had just bought a tall black lamp that I didn’t want so I gave it to him...he gave me a little golden lamp that fit my decor so when you walk into my apartment and you enter into the soft glow...say thank you to S

He started dating this girl. She was from some village that he too was from. I was happy for him intially. He's always insisted that he'd prefer to marry someone from his village...why? I dont know. Makes no sense to me. He brought her over to meet me. My other two girlfriends were around. After he left they looked at me and i was like 'WHAT?" Did I feel jealous....absolutely not. I thought she looked crazy. For real that girl looked crazzzzziiiieee. He called me later that night and asked me what I thought. I told him as long as he was happy and that she was his choice then it was all that mattered...it shouldnt matter what I think. CRAZY. I dont know what he saw in her. Her hair was in all kinds of directions...her shoes were...actually Im confused. The whole look wasnt connecting. I mean did she not know she was visiting folks? for the first time? The least she could do is try to look presentable right? Maybe she couldnt help it...it was late...maybe she was tired. Some may say I was being snobbish but she just wasnt up to par. She was floating in america...couldnt talk about things coherently...She isnt someone I would want him to date but what's my business right? Let them not say Diamond is the one that put sand in his garri. I really try not to get involved in peoples relationships.

He eventually broke up with her. I remember asking him if he kissed her and how it felt...YUCK! Cuz I couldnt imagine him kissing HER. Not to say I could imagine him kissing me either because I cant. Seriously..I cant. He wasnt so forthcoming with his response...being me...I have to know detail by detail. I asked him HOW he kissed her...as in who drew close first...who slanted the head...which way...how did it feel. My questions went unanswered of course. Answered my questions with his own What do you mean how did I kiss her? I kissed her.I knew then that relationship wouldnt last...it was only a matter of time. That girl just wasnt up to par…sorry that I felt that way but it’s the truth and he knew it too…which was why he kept asking me and asking me what I thought. I think the members of the church he joined pushed him to her.We spent new years together. I had been inviting him to my church and for once he agreed to come with me. It was a watch night service. It was really nice but I kept falling asleep which is why now I dont do overnight services. My body doesnt have the tolerance for it. I remember in Nigeria my mother dragged me to church...archbishop vining. I love that church. You know they pray alot during all these overnight services...I took the opportunity to sleep while kneeling for prayers...people were probably thinking wow this girl is dedicated to the Lord. Hasnt raised her head not one time. Steadfast in Prayer indeed...lol

He moved again

September 27, 2006

He has a girlfriend

I remember when and how we met. It was the summer of 2001. I had made friends with his cousin online and invited him over to come visit me and my friends next time he was in town. See his cousin lived in the same state but went to school a couple of hours away. So he came to visit...he came with S. I was excited to finally meet them. The plan was to go to the movies but that didnt work out so well. We had all gotten casually "dressed" up but they arrived too late. Im not even sure how me and all my friends were planning on fitting their car. There was a bit of awkwardness at first but that soon passed away. My other friends with the exception of one retreated back to the Dorm.
The goal that night...for me anyways...was to talk to the cousin since he's the one I was acquainted with online and my friend that had remained back...who was also my summer roommate would talk to S but he started forcing his Nigerian accent so our places were reversed. All four of us talked in the dark...under the big tree on the yard. He thought he was funny... and I just couldn’t wait for them to leave.

S, his cousin, my friend and I became fast friends...it just kinda evolved to that naturally I guess. They would come over and we would talk and talk until midnight...past midnight. We were staying in school for the summer..in the Dorms...they're built like suites: two bedrooms connected by a bathroom. My suite mate stayed mad with my friend and I all summer because we were always loud. We were always laughing while she was trying to sleep. She would leave notes in RED LARGE PRINT on the bathroom mirror to tell us to SHUT UP. That was funny! We would play music all night...I had an extensive library. Napster and WinMx were two of my bestfriends back then. If I didnt have a song, we would download it immediately. I must have had every version of every song…

Once, S and his cousin took my friend out to the movies and I was pissed off because I wasnt included. But I was working from afternoon till late...there was no way they could have included me but I wasn’t trying to understand that. My friend and I went over to S's house one night and we spent the night watching movies...that wasn’t the intent but we were all chilled...up in that room...just chilled. I had never really spent the night with another guy before so this was a nice experience...I felt more grown up. Sleep overs no longer involved just the girls..oh yeah...I was more grown up...I was getting adult experience.

The summer I met them was the one that I learned to drive as well. S would come pick me up and would take me around driving. I got my license that summer too. It was a blessing to have S and his cousin in my life. In exchange for friendship, they got introduced to the rest of the Nigerian community. As a matter of fact they're even more friends with them now than I am. When S came to say goodbye I cried. As in...right in front of everybody. I was surprised at my reaction. I had grown so attached to him and I didn’t want him to go. I had so much fun with them. I remember once we went downtown...all four of us...we were like a new clique. We just had mad fun.

S and I kept in touch via the phone. We would gossip about everyone. People were hitting me up trying to hook up with him. I don’t know who informed them that I was a go-between. He's a cutie...his cousin is too. I saw a pic of his cousin recently and I was like IS THIS HIM? Anyways, I tried to play matchmaker unsuccessfully. Im not even sure how we became so so close...it just sorta happened. I guess we identified with each other. We were both born of Nigerian parents, each of us had lived in Nigeria for a period of time - me more than him - but we weren’t considered Nigerian enough...so we understood each other...shared our experiences...the teasing in school...trying to fit in with a particular group. I guess that's why I sorta tolerated him that first night we met...I did have to talk to him about his forced Nigerian accent and he eased off it for the most part

September 25, 2006

Suggestions anyone?

Hello everybody!!! how was your weekend. Do you want to know what I did? Nothing. I felt so guilty. I just laid in the bed all day yesterday except for a trip to walmart. And I watched Desperate Housewives...there was no way I could miss that at all. I Dont like what these networks are doing. They're pitting my favorite shows against each other on the same day at the same time...forcing me to choose which one I want to watch....it's not fair

anyways...as I stated earlier it seems like everyone is interested in some sort of Blogger reality. We'd have to find someway to do it online. I think that Olawunmi and Delot and perhaps Mojo should take charge...Im sure they can come out with somn crazy amongst themselves

I've come up with a few ideas...and I'll pitch it to a couple of people
but
If you guys have any suggestions...please leave a comment...or email me
[diamondhawk1@gmail.com]

September 21, 2006

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful worldas it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with HimForever in the next.Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr



I've read this prayer so many times but never has it had such meaning to me as it does today. I finally understand it. I think this prayer was made specifically for people that work in the corporate world such as myself. I wonder how much "cow dung" I have to eat before I say enough is enough.

Silly me, I used to say I didnt want the hassle that came with working for myself but as I've matured I realized that this is the way Im wired. I wasnt made to be submissive. Im not into this 9 to 5 type job. Im constantly straining against the chains that shackle me. Sometimes I think so much about certain incidents that I have to caution myself because I think Im about hemorrhage...seriously. I always think that Im over thinking so much so that my brain cant handle it and so I try to relax.

I was with my uncle the other day. My uncle is visiting from Nigeria on vacation. Well what do you know...while he's on vacation he receives a phone call from his job that he's being retired. Can you imagine that? So you wait for him to go on vacation and then you call him to tell him that? I complained to my mom about it. She said it's good he got a phone call. She said others just see their name on TV or in the Papers and find out they have no job. As a matter of fact, years ago, one of my aunts was out representing the company in a meeting when she was "retired". She came back...briefed the Director of the company of what was happening...she had even been handed another assignment. It was while she was out on that 2nd assignment that she was informed. Infact they wouldnt even let her return to the office.

The problem here is these people relied on their 9 to 5 for too long. I wonder what my uncle is going to do now. Financially he has no problems but all he's done is work for this company. This is the only line of business he knows. He's not so so old but at his age, starting with another company will prove a bit difficult. I can only pray that he'll be okay. My aunt started some sort of consulting business years ago and she seems to be doing fine. The point is...you need your own thing. It is not enough to rely on your regular job. And in my state where you can be fired for no reason at all... it's only God sha.

See me now...what is stoppin me from walking out of my job...The bills that come in every month that I'm obligaged to pay, that's what. Fortunate or unfortunately I dont have a Sugar Daddy. Maybe I should go get one but you know Im not trying to put up anything...just friendship and platonic companionship you know... :-). Anyone interested? Since I've been on this reality show tip...we have Big Brother...maybe we should have Sugar Daddy/ Sugar Mommy abi? Infact I think I'll call CBS. So until I figure out what Im going to do, I have to committ the Serenity Prayer to memory and meditate on it every day to keep my sanity and prevent my brain from exploding. That would be very messy

**seems ppl would really like to participate in some sort of Blogger Reality... Any ideas anyone on what to do...which one...how it would work? Im trying to work on it...actually I pushed the idea onto someone else to work on it...I trust he will come up with something**

September 17, 2006

So I was thinking

it's sunday...and the most of what i've done today that i would consider productive is I returned Something New to BlockBuster...if ever there was a bad black movie made that was touted to be good...it's that movie. I was not happy with it at all. The story line wasnt developed properly. If you saw the preview, the clips shown were the only mildly interest parts of the movie...everything else was like WTF? I had a giftcard so it didnt really pain me that I rented it. Thank God I didnt buy it though i was tempted. I usually buy movies if I want to see it because renting it forces you to watch it for a specific period. Oprah said it was good...me and Ms Winfrey are going to need to have a 1-0n-1 about that.
I was thinking about reality shows today. I went to work and a colleague was asking if we were going to watch the show Flavor of Love. Has anyone seen it? I cant stomach that show. I mean why would anyone want to date a guy that walks around with a big clock around his neck. I was told some lady shit on the floor...may I ask why? I was also told there was a white lady who when Flavor Flave was tryna get closer to her was like "This isnt me"...yeah...you think?
anyways I was thinking...
i thought it would be interesting if we had Big Brother: Bloggers or Survivor Bloggers or The Bachelor Bloggers or the Amazing Race Bloggers...you get the idea. Every reality show but with bloggers. Just imagining the particpants would be interesting.
For Big brothers, I think Miguel, NaijaBloke, Delot, Mojo, Sola, Morountodun, Dipo and for the ladies Onada, Uzo, Bijou, LondonBuki, Low, Nneka, Rose-Tinted glasses
For The Bachelor: hmmm...who will be our Bachelor...I have one person in mind but I want him for myself for now so I wont share that :-). Do yall have any suggestions. I think Miguel is single...Mojo...how could i forget...that's one seriously eligible bachelor....anyone interested?
For The Bachelorette: since Temmy is now single...maybe when she's ready to mingle she can do it. Belle seems like she would make a wonderful candidate...she's got humor...she's smart...she's from Ijebu..neeed I say more? Not sure if Ms.May is single but yeah...she'd be great too. Soul...her aura is so...beautiful...we have to put Mosaic in this one so that if she wins we can crash her wedding :-)
Amazing Race: For sure LondonBuki cuz she probably already has what it takes...and NaijaBloke (he needs motivation for panting after 7 flights of stairs...lol)
Survivor: Again may I suggest LondonBuki, Temmy, TaureanMinx, Low, Olawunmi, most definitely Delot...infact Delot should be in all the shows, well except the Bachelorette. NaijaBloke along with all the Ijebu babes out there, BGT, Biodun.... How would we divide the groups... More Crazy vs Less Crazy. Ijebu v Non-Ijebu...hmmmm
American/UK Idol: my blogger boo for sure...baby can sing! and Me....dont worry...ear plugs will be provided...lol...and Miguel, brother can blllooooooowwwww
how can i forget
Top Model: Adaure hands down...abeg that girl can work it o dont play.....Ms May with that Freakum dress...oh yeah...she can work it too...Low, Onada and Icy for sure
***updates***
Top Chef: Miguel most definitely...we have to test his cooking skills. Low can throw down and me I try small...Kulutempa perhaps
RealWorld Blogsville and RoadRules: oya..NB...
**more to come..this is all i could think of right now...all lists subject to change. If your name isnt listed, self-nomination is allowed.
anyways, I was just thinking...
hope your weekend was great
LINKS TO THE PAGES OF BLOGGERS LISTED

September 14, 2006

Guilty until ...

Okay...havent had anything to talk about really. Yall know I was sick for a bit. I did nothing but chill out and stare at the computer all day. Chatted, downloaded music and watched how annoying Tyra is with her talk show. For the people who showed me love, in thoughts, words or/and deed...mucho gracias!!!

Okay...so Im at work this morning...and my manager says she has to pick a bone with me right?
So my mind is racing through anything I could possibly have done wrong for the past couple of days since I got back...NOTHING. I've actually been good at work. Trying not to read blogs and go online for any reason except when Im on break or there's some lagtime between my duties

So I ask her what?

Okay here's the deal. We're hiring big time at work (if you're in atlanta, email me if you're looking for a job). Before you can actually start working, you have to go through a period of training. Training consists of going thru the different laws/rules of working for our company and also a "hands-on" session if you will. This is where the new-hires shadow a seasoned employee for a short period of time.

From time to time Im asked to help out. No problem. I know most of everything...Im well seasoned.

How about some nonsensity....stupid idiot of a girl (and of course it would be a girl)...went and told the person training them (her Teacher if you will) that I did something that was clearly unbecoming of an employee. That I was rude to the clients...disconnected several phone calls I received and instead of working, I was shopping online. I did all this yesterday.

Now get this...I had system issues so I wasnt really working yesterday. I was actually doing other administrative things. Ok let me not lie....I was gisting and laughing up a storm with some coworkers. No one shadowed me at all. So this was a LIE. Now I dont doubt that this person may have shadowed me at some point but it wasnt in the last couple of days. I have to wonder why she would say that. You see my name is not common here. Im the only Diamond that works for this company. So why it is my name she chose to defile out of that her dirty, guineaworm-infested mouth is beyond me.

I dont like this at all. My manager has said she just wanted to clear things up with me first and she would go back to her source. I told her to tell me who her source is. I will go back to them myself and let that person tell me who this idiot is. I am pissed off.

If it was true...I would humble myself and admit it and move on. But this is false. I have been falsely accused. See, what I dont like is that, this information will stick in the minds of those who've heard it. Oh that Diamond girl is this this that. Ruining my reputation for no good reason. Who is this devil. I said a short prayer in between cursing this person out.

I've told my manager.... I dont want anyone to shadow me anymore. And get this, I dont even shop online. It's just not my thing. The most I do is look thru Bestbuy.com and Circuitcity.com for my electronics and stuff. There are a few times that I go through Amazon.com. I dont really do this at work. Now...had they said...you were found reading people's blogs and stuff...okay...Im GUILTY of that one. Is it not work that Im typing this one now?

Let me catch who that person is...
you guys know how it is now....you're guilty until proven otherwise no matter what anyone says. I mean my manager said she had a bone to pick w/me right? meaning she thot me guilty at first.

abeg o....for my plea in this case, let me borrow Shaggy's phrase... It Wasnt Me! No evil formed against me will ever prosper...Amen!!!

September 7, 2006

My Dilemma...

I wish it didnt
but it does
I wish I wasnt
but I am
I wish you werent
but you are
I wish you'd STOP
but you wont

I wish I wouldnt
...wish I couldnt
...know I shouldnt

©Diamond Hawkins 9.7.06
Why is it I typically post at odd hours...im telling you guys...my sleep pattern is so way off
Anyways...I said previously I felt myself getting sick right? Well I just finished the bottle of Nyquil I got yesterday. Will start on Sudafed later today. Being sick is no joke. And of course I think Im superwoman so I try to go on about my business. Didnt work today so I ran errands as well as went shopping. The air outside did me good although it was a bit taxing for me to carry on as if I was 100% together. Found some cute shoes on sale...more brown to add to my brown/black collection...pathetic I know. I do have some red...it's my fave color by the way. I went by BP today and got gas for $2.45. Can you believe it? The price is coming down...Thank God! People think it's a trip that I wont get gas anywhere else but BP no matter the price. I just feel like they're the best....why? I dont know.
Watched Project Runway...love it! Glad I woke up in time for it. I hope Michael wins...he's a black guy from the A..but really he has this tooth that sort of hangs out when his mouth is open...what's up with that? It's just that ONE. I hope he wins so he can get that fixed. But I love his designs...he's absolutely Fabulous. You guys know Im a Fashion Designer...no? Well I am amongst other things but I tell you...I dont like cutting and sewing...I just want to see the finished product. But I like things done to perfection as well and I dont see how it will if I dont do it myself...see my dilemma here? Started learning to sew cuz my sister envisions me making her wedding gown, not just designing it. I HATE IT HATE IT HATE...that's a strong word...okay...i do not like sewing and cutting and pinning and all that crap. I just want to draw draw draw...just remembered something: when I was younger, I used to draw ppl kissing and "stuff"...got in trouble once...
Went blog surfing..updated my links and found some cool sites...that's why you see a birthday countdown...i think it's cool. Check out the Diamond-Approved blog listing on the right of your screen...those are some blinging ppl right there...
I didnt think I would get drowsy right? but I was knocked out soon after drinking the Nyquil earlier today and now.... I dont know why I think the natural science/biological laws dont apply to me. Anyways I dont think I can remain coherent enough to type what I really want to....my eyes are losing focus...not sure I'll work tomorrow
Im trying not to let my imagination run but...You guys, Im looking for my boyfriend o...I dont know where he is. If you find him, could you tell him to call me or text me...his name is Bob

September 5, 2006

Girls Gone Wild

so im bored at home...have to go shopping...need some dayquil to drink. People think Im crazy that I drink it...I just cant do the recommended dosage...I need to get well fast! Hung out with my baby cousin yesterday. He was born a mere 2lbs...but if you see him now... He is one of the reasons I believe in the miracle of God and Doctors and Technology... and it is because of him that I wont EVER touch kidney....YUCK. that stuff is nasty. Had to cook it for his mom cuz she needed iron ...made some nice vegetable stew with it but it STINKS and it looks AWFUL...NEVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN will i buy it...touch it...cook it
Anyways, I feel myself getting sick...and that's a no no...dont wanna take time off work because my leg must touch England for at least two weeks this year...but i've been sniffling the whole day and the telltale signs of getting a stuffy head are beginning to show themselves...I kinda knew it would happen...my cousin was sick last week. He still had a runny nose and all and he was slobbering all over me,...it was cute...and he has this thing of wanting to bite you...a kinky man in the making??????? He's got two bottom teeth now and he's soooooo fast. If you close your eyes, he woulda crawled to the end of the room. That was my day yesterday which Im about to pay for. I also got the DVD, Real Love...naija movie. Heard it was really good. Im going to burn the DVD...I hope it's burnable sha
Anyways Im watching Tyra's show...and the creator of Girls Gone Wild, Joe Francis, is on there. You know...Tyra...I just dont think she's objective enough to run her talk show. I remember she interviewed this lady from Georgia who had sex with a teenage boy and had his baby. They put her in jail and they put the boy in Detention. This stupid lady helped the guy escape and sent him a cell phone and money...as if no one would trace it. Tyra lit a match in that lady...she's too passionate. It is her show so I guess she can run it anyway she wants but I feel she doesnt allow the guest to tell the whole story du2 her constant/passionate interruptions. As for me Im hoping to reach Oprah's status one day
Anyways this guy from Girls Gone Wild...who can blame him...He's capitalizing on free things. He's built a multimillion dollar empire because of the girls that have gone wild. And they only get a free t-shirt or hat for their services meanwhile he makes tons of money. Too bad for the girls because they sign a Release Form. His south of the border house is paradise epitomized...
So Tyra interviewed some girls on it...as in why are you taking your clothes off? his empire is bigger than Hugh Hefner's...all you get is a t-shirt...blah blah blah. I totally see the point she's trying to make. But you have to understand that your idea of fun is not everyone else's. The girls were unsure of how to answer her questions. She asked about their parents and in an extremely annoying valley accent, they were like "it's spring break and we just wanna have fun"
Can I say this...these girls are stupid and most of them are inebriated and a lot of them have no business being unaccompanied for Spring Break
But get this...if you are unfortunate to have gone wild and wake up the NEXT DAY and are filled with regrets, you can call and opt out...but you only have 24hrs.
Dr Drew...relationship expert...was on the show to let us know why girls do go wild. People tend to gravitate towards exhibitionism..it feels good. Alot of times drugs and alcohol play a role in this. Tyra had a poll on her website and 44% of the people who responded said they would go wild.
Anyways watch out for the GGW cruise...girls get to go for free. And a younger hipper version of Hooters... Joe Francis is a smart man!!! Two private jets, helicopter, $25million pad....all because people are flashing their boobs, masturbating on camera and all that... There's even a Guy's Gone Wild.
So...would you go wild...is there a price tag for you if you would?
gosh...I just sneezed...this cant be good...off to the drug store...maybe I'll flash someone on the way...just to know what it feels like...





yeah right! please pray for me that this "sickness" goes away w/in 24hrs

September 3, 2006

The Kiss

I wrote a poem "The Kiss" a couple of years back. Even though I didnt realize it until two days ago...this was my somewhat "harlequin romance/Mills & Boon" type kiss. We'd been doing the internet chat thing for about 3months before he came to see me. We went to the movies...we saw Ladies Man...towards the end of the movie, he leaned over and softly kissed my lips...and it was good...and it kept going and going and going....and in the midst of all that he was whispering to me "Will you be my baby"...and what do you think my answer to that was. So we became an official couple for the next 3months. Needless to say after the movie we couldnt stay apart the entire night...we unsuccessfully tried to ditch the friends we were with...anyways that's history...just something I remembered since I wanted to talk about "The Kiss"

Let me give you a little background

I like to kiss. I think kissing is a sociorecreational sport. It's fun. The strategic meshing of lips, artful, playful or just plain sloppy, the way the tongue whips around sometimes as if in serious battle...it's great.

I went to Nigeria right after I finished high school... without one kiss. So while in Nigeria, I was determined that I would learn how to kiss. No more make-believe...leaning against the door/wall pretending that the back of my hand belonged to the lips of my amorous lover. So I started to recruit people. I wanted to learn how to kiss. My experience was interesting. With all of my experience, with the exception of one or two, I did not fall weak in the knees when I was kissed. Time did not stand still, the room didnt fade to black and I most definitely did not get transported to a world beyond this one. Yep...you guessed it...my mind had been corrupted by the Romance Novels I got addicted to from my preteen years. To reinforce that corruption were the images that would flash on the screen from various TV shows/Soap Operas and the Movies...even to live displays of affection in the School Hallways and School Bus.

My sister told me about her first kiss with her current boyfriend and with her permission I told her I would share it. Nothing major to write about. Just that after their first kiss, the guy who drove to her house....the guy who drove his car to take her around town was unable to drive back. He left his car and hopped on Okada (commercial motorcyle) back home. The kiss had affected him that much. I was amazed...that he felt that kiss so much that he couldnt even trust himself to drive home. She told me a friend had relayed a similar story. Her friend's boyfriend walked himself about 10 miles home after their first kiss. Now if I wasnt hearing these things from my sister, then I would say these stories are LIES.

So I guess kissing isnt a sport as I assumed it to be
People go on and on about how it's the most intimate thing...more intimate than sex/love making and I look at them like "are you kidding me?" Another friend said she knew her then boyfriend, now husband was the one because when they kissed, her knees buckled.

Buckling knees. Walking home. Being dazed and unable to drive.

These are some serious reactions
So I guess when I watch Movies, TV Shows and all that...those emotions/reactions portrayed really do exist as I once thought and as I've always read.
It's no wonder that a kiss can escalate into full blown sex very quickly...I mean the knee buckling gets you on the floor...being dazed...gets your clothes off and WHAM BAM...dont forget the Thank you

I'm re-virginizing my kissing instruments. I'm tired of kissing just because it seems like the thing to do...kissing just for the sake of kissing... and kissing frogs at that...people with bad techniques...all teeth, no tongue...too sloppy...chapped lips that i thought would crack my teeth...I've had it with all that...so much so that I decided I wouldnt kiss my prince until we meet at the altar (seriously!)...well not on the lips...we'll do like the birds..peck here...peck there...everywhere peck peck... (i think im deluding myself on this one..hehehe)

I reflect back on my poem...What I wrote was only an introduction. I want that and more...
I've put an end to purposeless/instructional kissing...actually did this a couple of years back

I want the kiss that would start a fire in my belly and burn up the rest of my body
I want to be consumed
....to be the only one that can daze my man into forgetting...
I want even the anticipation of The Kiss to feel like a marathon is about to or has just been run...
That feeling preempting the kiss that will breathe fiery passion into life...
....and take me on so many wonderful journeys and erotic excursions
I want to be the giver and the recipient of such

A kiss is not something I can share casually anymore...
*click on the words in red to go to the poem

September 1, 2006

I had an audio blog and it's not posting. How annoying is that? Maybe it will post later...anyways have a goodnight ppl...yeah it's past 3am...im now feeling sleeping...have to be up in about 2hrs. Have a great weekend too