July 30, 2006

Dead vs Divorced

which is better
ive been questioning myself for the past couple of weeks
is it better for one of your parents to be dead or is it better to be divorced
you know it's take THIRTY SEVEN years for children to get over their parents being divorced....count it....1 2 3........37 years....I suppose it would take a life time to get over the loss of your parent...but at least the problems do not continue to perpetuate themselves over and over again. You never have to be stuck in the middle, each party accusing you of taking sides with the other party. Im confused...Im not sure. Hmm...what about being separated....is that better than divorce. To live in the same house but carry on as if you're not married by law. I know alot of ppl in that situation. Some of you reading this...you know that's YOUR house. How do you deal with it. These are the thoughts that run through my head when Im approached about marriage. It makes me think less and less of marriage. Actually the only thing I fantasize about is the actual wedding...I dont think beyond the ceremony. And when I think of my children?....they're all grown...i dont think of them being babies and changing diapers. I think of them handsome and beautiful with me their mom, the matriach...admired/envied by all...WOW WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FAMILY. lol. my thoughts. im scared of marriage. i dont think i've admitted that before. it's like going to a strange place, a new country...you really want to go...you've never been there before...it's supposed to be great over there...there's an anxiety about going...kinda like the churning in your stomach before you start your relay race...*sigh*....I want to get married...because by my faith that's the only instance where sex is allowed and i really really wanna have sex...lol. Had a conversation with a friend today. He's really handsome. We actually said about 3yrs ago that if by age 30 neither of is married we will marry each other but God help me I dont want to marry that boy. He's hardworking although I think he may be susceptible to dubiousness. He's handsome...so sexy it's sinful. But he admitted he cheated on a girlfriend a while back and it was HER fault. and today he said I should research the reasons why people cheat that i may be surprised about what i learn. Hmmm...I cant marry someone like that and he's asthmatic and Im scared he may have an attack while we're having sex and I'll be scarred. And he has this job that I HATE...anything that has do with secrecy and nigerian government...please let me pass by...that's how my body parts will be spread/sold in different states. But I guess having such a job could be useful for my sometimes vengeful mind. See the thoughts that run through my head? This is mild. I dont want to scare anyone away...let's just say in my head the switch between sanity and insanity sometimes gets faulty....

went blog surfing today. saw DNG's post on racism. Delot if you're reading this, loved all your responses..you were on point!!! saw no use to make a comment when you'd said it all. interesting that i read that today when just yesterday i emailed my sister about being a slave owner...also read Sola Baale's post on identifying people by their make up...thot that was funny. Someone once told me im one of the few she thinks look good w/o makeup...but she wears glasses...soooooo...WHAT AM I SAYING...lol...Dilichi talked about mainland vs island...now if yall didnt know Im THE KJA Diva...that's Ikeja for those of you islanders scratching your head. This reminds me of one of my friends, his name is Moha...lived in agege...his TAGS were GGE...Great G**** Empire he dubbed it....Moha...I've had some interesting acquaintances in my lifetime...thoughts for another day

in other news...according to some research done in the UK....Denmark is the happiest place on earth... got this from an article on AOL

another article from AOL talks about what to do when you have a car accident...please take a moment to read it...this is knowledge I wish I'd had...just like when i read NyjaGuy's blog and immediately consolidated my school loans...just doing my part in spreading the knowledge

how was your weekend?

July 27, 2006


Lagos PDP chieftain, Funsho Williams MURDERED.

@10pm (Oh What a Day)

okay yall...here's the deal. I got home from work. Someone sent me an offline thru yahoo and i saw this message...I was shocked. My heart skipped a beat for a minute because I thought it was someone I knew...I thought about it and brushed it aside

Earlier today, my family members were calling me back to back. I dont like when that happens because the last time they did that, my cousin had died in that horrible plane crash to abuja (may her soul rest in peace)...this occured just months after my grandmother had died...then too my family members were calling me left and right. I called everyone back and thankfully it was nothing. Everyone was just wondering when I would go pick up Aunt T. Remember I told you she was visiting from Manchester?

Today was "hang out" day with my aunt. I told her I'd set aside a day to come get her and we could go shopping. As soon as I arrived to pick her up she said "Did you hear the news?"

Well apparently, he's my aunt's cousin. So I heard all the gory details of what happened to him. From the route the took to enter his house (which to me is amazing), to the different things they did to him.... Everyone's phone was blowing up left and right. Polictics really is a dirty game. The head police or something like that from abuja has declared it is a police matter and his body is still laying in the house that he was murdered in. It's still there...

I remember once I told my friend Ije about wanting to get involved in Politics, wanting to be President and she said I cant do it without bloodshed or something to that effect. I mean this man was brutally killed. They wanted him to be aware of his death. I didnt know him personally but I shed tears. No one deserves to die in that manner. It's not fair.

Some people think my thoughts tend to be extreme attimes because I want several people "eliminated". I just feel that we need to wipe out a certain group of people and I dont see how else to do so except by death. I wonder if i can pull a trigger...

So I ask...Does the end really justify the means? Who killed (...or hired the killers to kill...) Funso Williams. People act like this life is it...there's nothing after that so let's do all we can to enrich ourselves and to get this power because that is the only way we can validate who we are. People must bow...people must recognize. Let's live richly and suppress others who dont do our bidding. Let's destroy the country for the future generations...Let's sell our souls to the devil and claim Jesus is Lord.

Justice will be served...of that i have no doubt...

July 26, 2006

how much did you say?


for what? a room at the Hilton in Abuja per night

Am I might just so disconnected from things in Nigeria to find this completely unacceptable?

it's like the nigerian home movies i watch. They just yell out money as if it's free flowing water

"i need $50million for the operation" some operation that they could die from any minute...Nigerian movies and their unbelievable drama...that one is another story

"it only costs $20million"...this that this million..im waiting for when they'll start yelling billions...zillions maybe...

so ridiculous! why is a night at the Hilton $300/night? is the room made of gold. I mean in America I would not consider spending that much on a room ...except it comes with a personal masseuse, free flowing tap of wine, free playboy (hehe), um...what else...

My sister's boyfriend talked about a 3-bedroom flat on the island that cost N90 million......NINETY million Naira, also a penthouse that cost N20million or something off like that. First off, I have to wonder if it is truly a penthouse because it seems because the words sound "touche", they get attached to any old thing...There's nothing remarkable about this place according to him. No gold or marble in sight and yet people pay this...who are these people paying such atrocious prices. Maybe I shouldnt complain too much...I may just decide to tap into that market...

I remember years ago when I went to Abuja for Easter & Sallah...then, there was hardly anyone there...Abuja was scarcely populated...we stayed in Nicon Nuga (is that the Hilton now?)...Back then the place was top notch but Im not sure how much it cost...$300 per night? Dont think so.. Im told that they dont even deal w/Naira...is this for real for real...or is someone taking me for a ride. I know Naira was the flowing currency when i was there...

OH I just remembered something...actually two things...actually...OK let me just share two things I remembered while in abuja...plus some

I think it was easter...they had some musical artist for the "kids"...some young guy like that...so me and my friend were out in the "hall"...and the artist was out there w/some of his friends. That's how he now sent one of his "boys" to come and get me...

"Excuse me...my friend would like to see you"
if you see the eye that I rolled for this guy...coupled with the "Get Lost" that hissed from my mouth...kai...even now im like DIAMOND YOU TOO DO...YOU TOOOO DOOOOO...all that attitude at what age...i dont think i was even 10 then...i was feeling rather divalicious with myself..of course I had to complete this whole thing with a sexzzzzyy walk....

okay the second incident...
my aunt was in the bathroom getting ready. RoomService knocked on the door...so I opened the door...as in just to see who's there right? This guy walks in...and my aunt is there...bra and panties on only....WHOA...she told him "could you please let me finish dressing before you walk in"...and the guy calmly walked out...but im sure he had a tale to tell when he went back to his staff quarters and I was left feeling bad because it was me that opened the door but i wonder if my aunt was secretly thrilled about the accidental flashing...

hmmm...does anyone know a guy name Peace and his brother Namua????

Okay so back to my story....My sister's cousin is getting married in abuja this summer and she's wondering where she'll stay. Please...one simple phone call let me call my aunt who lives there...free accomodation jare. Even in America, I dont go anywhere I dont know people....people say i dont like to spend money...aka I'm cheap...PLEASE...let me be cheap. People accused my grandfather of being cheap...being stingy...i call it being SMART...people who are rich dont get that way by THROWING money away....just ask them. I have a cousin on the eastcoast...he dresses like...in my opinion...a bum...faded shirt...nappy hair, well worn jeans...sandals that have expired...he doesnt even own a car...but ask me how much this guy makes...

anyways i think this is madness. the pricing in nigeria is ridiculous. no wonder there's such a disparity between the poor and the rich. Nigeria has become like a damned fantasy island...just be calling out prices left and right anyhow. It's not their fault, it's because tongues come free of charge...had it been that they had to pay toll each time their saliva passes thru, maybe they would wag that pink tail in a correct manner

i think prices need to be regulated in that country...it's too much please
i understand why America is a litigious society...everywhere you turn, people are always trying to screw you over. I dont like stress. I like things to run very simply...I can get anal about being organized with certain things...that's why my friend had me coordinate her wedding last year
I've been having insurance issues....if you follow my blog you've been with me since my accident about a month ago (I removed the postings for certain reasons but will repost after awhile). Well I got two checks from my insurance company and finally today I got a check from UAIG...the responsible party. Now these UAIG people have been wasting my time so I had decided to file with my insurance company. Today I was to drop off my car at the shop. Since they sent me the check, I decided to just do it under them (UAIG) and so I submitted the estimate given to me by UAIG to the dealership...now they have to return the parts ordered originally and order the ones given by UAIG. I got a rental today...Im thinking I should have gotten the PT Cruiser...I've always just wanted to drive one. My insurance is paying for the rental...it's getting complicated but if Im out anything more than $100 of my personal money, then I'll personally sue the responsible driver and she can take it up with her insurance company. Can you imagine I was driving yesterday and I turned back because I was scared. I kept hearing this noise...seemed to come for my tire area...I was scared that my wheel will roll off...I turned back home. The other insurance company said they'll pay for my rental for a "reasonable" amount of time that I should wait until the parts are ready....SO THAT I CAN DIE ABI...I asked them what they thought was reasonable...I couldnt wait any more to take my car in. Actually they said they'll reimburse me...so I have to pay first then turn in the receipt. Anyways it's not my problem right now. Im not cashing any of the checks given to me by anyone until my car is done. But Im glad that I have a Rental. Im mobile now...i can zip in and out of traffic although with a rental you have to be extra careful. Dont want extra yawa...anyways I've pled the blood of Jesus over it and me...no more stress in my life abeg..I've been wooossaahhhiing this thing since june. I've only be going from home to work...work to home...and WalMart...Ive been seriously restricted and I havent been happy about it.
Did you read my last post: Money talks, Bullshit walks? Were you scratching your head trying to figure out what it means?
Okay, let me tell you
I work customer service for a big corporation. I wont mention who yet. So they rolled out an incentive. It's summer time, people are quitting left and right du2 management changes and people are going on vacation...so they need people to work some extra hours with promise of more pay in addition to OverTime Pay...and of course, I jumped at the oppurtunity. I've been working some serious hours. Now, what they said was that we will get paid on a certain date. No probs...Im here thinking what I'll do with the money...my birthday will be right around the corner...where should I go...london or lagos? or should I pay for.....anyways I've been fantasizing about the money I'll get
I got a call from Ms.Davis last night. Something had changed. She called me trying to keep in suspense. I was getting excited because I thought I was about to hear some great news. She kept asking me all these mundane question until I had to stop it and ask her WHAT IS IT? I dont like being kept in suspense about anything. Even when I buy a book, I go right to the end to see what happened. If I dont like the end of the story, I put it right back on the shelf.
Apparently, they dont want to pay per the original offer/agreement. They want to give us GIFTCARDS to walmart, target, coach and bestbuy. It's against the rules?
ehn? ki lo wi?
now please keep in mind, the money we're talking here is major....as in $$$$...and as much as I love to go to walmart Im not trying to spend that kind of money there okay? Tarzhay? Coach? BestBuy? please even my laptop didnt cost the amount of money they want to give me to shop at BestBuy.
so this is it...Money Talks...meaning if the money is right, I'll do what you want...but when you start talking some damn "cow dung", then it's time to start walking...as in forget this nonsense. GiftCards? People have been so upset about it. It is only because of the original incentive that most where putting in extra hours. Bait and Switch...Now they're trying to see how they can resolve this issue...Our director will be in tomorrow with the news as to what will happen. So I reserved my comment until I hear what he has to say. No use blowing up now.
They came to apologise to us. They didnt know they couldnt give us cash and blah blah blah. Please!!!! Sorry gini? Sorry doesnt work for me at all at all. The leaders of Enron were sorry werent they? But where are they now? So please be sorry all the hell you want. All I know is that the money will be appearing in my paycheck. I dont know how they'll achieve this and it's not my concern. They have to honor their original agreement. It was what lured us to do the work...the money was talking...and it sounded real good...
I contacted my lawyer aka my cousin in florida...he said just keep record of the original agreement. He's the one I've been downloading all my insurances issues to. That's why he decided to become a lawyer. He came out of retirement (he's not even 50 yet) because he was tired of being screwed over. Do you know when I graduated college, I decided to be a doctor AND a lawyer...get my MD/JD degree...everyone said I cant be a jack of all trades...just choose one...this makes me want to follow up on what I said...if you want something done right...do it youself right?
I've been breathing like a pregnant woman for the past couple of days...insurance, my car...now this...well let's wait till tomorrow...

July 25, 2006

Money Talks
Bullshit Walks

July 23, 2006

from my younger self


hey girl. I see how you've grown. I see your ups and downs. And I see how you're surviving, trying to make the best. Im proud of you but you're being stagnant and I need for you to get a move on. Im really concerned about you. Concerned about where you're going, concerned about your health. I want the best for you but Im wondering now that the world has revealed itself if you want the best for you. You say it but do you mean it. Will you do what it takes

let's me and you take a walk....

Remember how you would make shoes from calendars and cardboard boxes...you used to walk to Bimbo's house down the street and came back barefoot each time. Remember how you would sew clothes for your dolls...convincing the tailors to even make some for you? You remember how you created your first magazine and had people donate to keep it going? You werent even 10 yet. Remember how you used to draw. I must say you're much improved. Remember how you pretended to be a doctor. You used to prick people with safety pins and use vaseline to heal them. Remember how you rallied people around the neighborhood and created a cultural dance group...right there in the hallway of your home? Remember how happy and self assured you were? I see you smiling at the memories. You used to love to read...you were a bookworm and thank God you still do although I want you to stop reading those romance novels. You were so neat and so smart...Remember how much you were favored? You would speak things to life...remember that day you woke up sick and with your faith you prayed in the water, drank it and declared you were well? My sweet D, I want you to remember. What about all those trips you took and all your sleepovers...yeah those days were nice.

I know there are some ugly memories mixed in there but you cant change all of the past as much as I know you want to. You've grown up and you had to move forward even when you didnt want to. I cried with you during those dark days but Im so glad you pulled through. You've had to grow up quickly and learn things faster than others and I know it was a major disservice to you. Children shouldnt have to grow up so fast. But you're stronger for surviving it. Didnt Alfreeda tell you that? See how the adults come calling to you now?

Here's why Im trying to get your attention. I want you to return to the way you were. Not young and immature...but vibrant and full of life. There are going to be worries all the time but remember even if the midst of it all, you were always smiling. You're still always smiling...but you do that now to mask your pain, you laugh to mask your fear and you've grown more secluded. Im concerned for you. I need you out and about. I see you're making a little effort now. But I want you to do more.

I guess in a way I want you be a little selfish. Just a little. It's hard I know but try not to internalize everyone else's problem. Understand that each adult makes their decision. I know you feel torn but I want you to think of you for just a bit. Forget the family issues...God will fight your battle for you. It is time for you to focus. You're not getting any younger. I could go on and on. But I just wanted you to know that you have 24 people behind you...supporting you through life....holding you up, and each year, you had more supporters and you cannot disappoint. You've always said you'd live your life with no regrets. I want you to remember but not dwell on your past glories...you must continue to do more. You must live up to your name

Did you think your name came out of nowhere? You are a true gem, you're a star....you need to shine and let the world see your shine once more. Remember when you worked for STAR...did you think it was a coincidence. You took a chance...made what you thought was a negative experience and made it vibrant...

So...ms Im all grown up now...I just wanted to touch base with you. I need you to find the book you wrote your goals in and revisit it. You said this year was your year. Im sorry about the accident but I know that jostled you a bit to get you moving. But I need you to work harder and get back to the basics of being you and leave everything you cant handle to God...

Stop rolling your eyes...renew your faith. Do you remember when months ago you thought you were dying and you called everyone you knew. Remember you tried to call from Lagos to London to everyone all around you and nobody picked up the phone. Who did you call on...it is that same God that I want you to get closer to. Dont forget the words of that old lady...reminding you about God's word. Isnt it interesting how a complete stranger can grab our attention. It was no coincidence you talked to her...I know you dont really believe in coincidences. I really need you to pay attention to the signs. You're so blessed and favored and I want you to recognize how much. I know you'll be okay. But when you feel yourself going back down, just re-read my letter and Remember! oh yeah...quit crushing on all those guys...they're no good for you.

Keep moving forward Favor...and shine for the world to see...remember your name....remember who God said you are and walk in that knowledge

I love you...until after forever

oh yeeeaaaah...there's that million dollar smile...lol

July 20, 2006

Insurance issues

Im having major insurance issues...I can see Im going to have to break out my thesarus for these people. Im having issues with both my insurance company and other other party's...I cant believe this. It's been a month since the accident. It's okay. They're taking advantage of my ignorance and in exchange Im giving them whiplash with my tongue. Progressive Insurance and United Auto Insurance Group suck! They are a bunch of incompetent people who want to stress me but I'll show them that "stupid" wasnt my birthmark when I was born

Im just going to chill a bit and not rush anything. I decided to file with my insurance company but in the incasity that the other company is giving too much stress, they dont want to pay as much. They (progressive) estimated my damages to be about $700 meanwhile the dealership estimated $1600...Ive been going from manager to manager with my own insurance company...they're all ridiculous. Well Im writing a lovely letter about them to the Georgia department of Insurance...you see...the insurance companies dont want to get written up...cuz it affects them when it's time to renew their license...if anyone has any complaints...PLEASE WRITE...it helps the consumers....it's helps you and me...need help writing a letter...let me know.

Finally listened to my voicemail messages. Just found out Im an aunt again. Life is good in Lagos. My brother is an architect and he's so busy...so Im wondering when they even had time to have sex because it seems everytime I call he's on the road but I love him and his wife. They have the most beautiful children...so now I have another niece. I love shopping for girls. This baby will be spoilt. Infact, all my nieces and nephews will be spoiled. I cant help it. It's like they look at you and call out for you to spoil them

I remember my cousin brought my two little cousins to visit. She went to the salvation army or somewhere and while there picked up a toy each for my cousins...which didnt really work like they should. Im like why would you go there and pick out a toy. I promptly went out to Toys R Us and splurged...I do that from time to time...I never give people anything specifically on their birthday because I buy things when I feel like and give year round...it's the way it should be...

Im looking foward to going home...

This insurance business is bothering me but im trying not to let it...trying to chill out. My friend and I may do something...like have her act like my lawyer and leave a message...we're always doing stuff like that. Like right now, depending on who calls, Im her landlady, married w/a child...

Anyways I've declared that the adjuster or whatever the hell his title is at UAIG...the insurance that should really be paying my claim....he shall not have peace until he calls me. I pray that the fire of God burns in him something fierce and may he know that he is experiencing that because of me and that until he resolves my case, he will not know any kind of peace in his life....that is my prayer...and so shall it be!!!....

it's the weekend...hope yall have something great planned...and if you're praying...pray that my claim will be settled by this UAIG ppl and that stupid adjuster man....just dont pray him dead...hmmm...and if you have any advice about dealing with insurance companies...please do share

July 18, 2006


Laws of Attraction are clearly defined.
What comes back is a reflection of the energy you are radiating.
If negative people are being attracted to you, then be self-assured that you are sending out energy that appeared on their radar screen.

July 16, 2006

ATTENTION all Nigerians

that hold a Nigerian passport: Is your passport still valid?

List of Cancelled Nigerian Passports

Can someone enlighten me please as to why people's passports are being cancelled?
are the people dead? in jail?

just curious

I had a dream...

....that the United States attacked N Korea...and of course N Korea was going to seek its revenge.

I was just praying that they wouldnt come to my state. There was this sense of calm...kinda like the calm before a storm. I experienced a moment of slight fear and then major indecision. I didnt know if it would be better to remain in the United States or to go home to Nigeria and be with my mother. I was concerned for my mother. How much money could I take out and leave...or maybe I should stay...oh what to do what to do...

There were a group of people around me, friends I suppose but I dont seem to recall now who they were. We were looking outside this window. Felt like I was still in college in my dorm room. People were giving me advice that I dont recall.

In a war, would it serve me better to go home or stay in the States.
I could have sworn I saw Uncle Sege fooling around with a coconut or someting...perhaps it was a hollowed out cantaloupe...he was indecisive about something...or maybe that was fear reflected in his face...not exactly sure if I dreamt it really or imagined it

And then all of a sudden I was at a party with my family. A red carpet type party and who do I see walking the carpet but my mother. I was so happy. Everyone was in a celebratory mood. It was a surprise. I asked how she got to the States...she told me how after her lawyer had contacted the embassy, they invited her back in and apologised to her and I think they even fired the person who refused her visa previously for her unbecoming behavior.

I was so happy she was with me.

Woke up!...Sunday Morning! Everything's quiet
I dont like to dream because my dreams tend to come true...weird
I usually tell God that I dont want to dream any foolish dream...

I woke up and prayed to God there would be no war because I just dont know if I could survive through one. Prayed that my mom and I would be indeed united

But I thought to myself: Interesting how it was only my mother that came to mind.

Maybe I shouldnt have had that glass of mountain dew last night. I read about an
American at the American University in Beirut who states she's fine but all the students are huddled together scared for their lives. The airport has been bombed so right now there's no immediate way home. She's was only to be there for the summer. What will happen to her now? Someone arrived there a day before this happened....someone was to leave...and they're stuck.
I think alot about N Korea and their missile tests...

World War III? Will I live to tell the story? I dont want there to be a story to be told...not in my life time or in my children's and their children's life time...

how many soldiers does it take to start a war?

just ONE

July 12, 2006


This guy was getting on my nerves at work early this morning
So I sent an email to another friend/co-worker...I stated

This boy is satanic...I truly believe

Well....guess who i sent it to?


it was too late to recall...he'd read it

Well at least he stopped bothering me....


When you're feeling bad about all the things you want that you dont have,
Think about all those things that you dont want and dont have

July 11, 2006

African Utopia


I was watching the local access channel today and this show African Treasures was on. It featured two people from the Kingdom of Yah. They are African Hebrew Israelites of Jerusalem. Try saying that fast 3 times in a row...

The lady talked about how monogamy is a new thing and voluntary polygeny is allowed within their community. But you are only allowed up to 7 wives.

The question was posed that if men can marry up to 7wives, can the woman marry up to 7 husbands? Well apparently not. See women's bodies are not equipped to handle different "handlers". We only have a specific # of eggs in our life time whereas men can continue to shoot their sperm....forever?????

They also advocate being a vegetarian according to the bible....I listened with 1/100th of an ear after that. What nonsense...no equal rights for women...shame on them. And while Im not red-meat crazy, I dont see myself being a vegetarian

When I first heard about them, I was like...ok...a peaceful society...maybe I should visit...lol...maybe I should visit...honestly the thoughts that go through my head sometimes, I have to laugh at myself...they're so ridiculous

They showed a clip of them....seems like a mini-cult to me...growing larger by the day.

Anways Check it Out

July 10, 2006

Dates WITHOUT the cost

Sent to me by a friend, Brad (check out his profile)... a rather long but interesting read

I've gotten several emails asking questions like, "Should I pay for dates?" and "How do I avoid paying for dates?"

The answer that I'm going to propose is almost misleading in its simplicity, but hey, those are my favorite kind...

See, if you don't go out on "take her out to dinner" dates anymore, then you won't have to deal with paying for them. Profound, I know. Please, hold the applause.

Let me explain this a little more...

A lot of good research suggests that women think men, who are potential mates, fall into one of two categories. I call these categories, "Lover" and "Provider". If you've read my book "Double Your Dating" then you will recall that one of the three free bonus reports was dedicated to this topic.

The basic idea goes like this:

In a "traditional" boy-meets-girl situation, the girl makes a decision early on whether you're the type of guy that she should get physically involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N), or if you're of the "nicer" type (spelled W-U-S-S-Y) that would be glad to "prove" yourself to her by paying for lots of expensive dates, buying flowers, etc.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, and that I'm being a bit extreme... but I'm making a point, so go with me.

A very common approach that men use is the old "Can I take you out sometime?" line.
At first glance, it sounds innocent enough. It has the ring of "I'm a nice guy, and I'd like to take you to dinner so I have a chance to get to know you better" to it, right? Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but let's get a little deeper into what ELSE you're saying when you ask a question like this one (or start off by paying for dinner, etc.).

Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things that you're saying when you offer to "take a woman out".

1) You're starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING by offering to buy something for her, and more importantly YOU'RE SETTING AN EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this, you're setting an expectation that you're going to do this from NOW ON.

2) You're subtly saying, "I feel like I need to use a bribe to get you to see me again". I'm sure that men have been bribing women with food and gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this sound far-fetched to you? Check out how our closest relatives, the chimps use food to persuade females to have sex with them. No, really.

3) Once you "take a woman out" and prove to her beyond the shadow of a doubt that you like to pay for things, you set a whole series of other subconscious expectations in place. Without going into detail, most of these other expectations will only lead her thinking of you in the "nice guy" category, and costing you time and money that you might as well have thrown down a rat hole.

4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant setting, you start a whole chain of events that often leads to two people looking at each other over a candle, in a loud room full of other people, with a typically uncomfortable "OK, so tell me about yourself and don't ask me too many personal questions please" look on your faces.

I don't know about you, but this just isn't my idea of a good time. So, what's the alternative?

Thought you'd never ask...As I said earlier, the first thing you might consider doing is NOT ASKING WOMEN "OUT" ANYMORE.

Instead, just say, "Do you have email?" If she does, hand her a pen and say, "Great, write it down for me." Then, follow up by inviting her to join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. Here's an example email for you:

"Hi, it was fun talking yesterday... I'm thinking that we should get together tomorrow for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. You seem like you might make a nice friend." Then, if you're REALLY cheap, show up 5 minutes late so she buys her own tea and is waiting for you. You can even say, "How inconsiderate of you... where's mine?"

Here's the key:


Use the techniques that you're learning from me to be Cocky & Funny, keep her laughing, and generally bust on her to increase the ATTRACTION level.

If you buy a woman enough dinners, she may begin to feel some AFFECTION for you... but food and gifts will never lead to ATTRACTION. Big difference! Now, knowing how to avoid buying women dinners and gifts is only a small piece of the puzzle. You obviously need to know how to get a woman to be interested enough to date you in the first place before you can NOT take her out on a date!

Well, as you can probably imagine, I've spent a lot of years now figuring out how to become the kind of guy that women want to be around. I've spent a lot of time watching guys who are what you might call "Naturals" with women. I've spent a lot of time trying out just about every imaginable idea and strategy with women...And guess what? Most of them SUCKED. Most of them didn't work. Most of them felt strange and manipulative. Most of them were just plain not good.

After trying all this stuff and feeling around in the dark for quite a long time, I started to
realize that my problem wasn't the TECHNIQUES I was using, it was the way I was approaching things. You see, I hadn't really taken the time to understand women and the psychology of dating and attraction. I was just trying to learn tricks, hoping that they would magically fix everything for me.

Well, they didn't.

But, what DID fix things for me, and what did wind up leading me to fantastic success with women and dating, was learning what I call the "Inner Game"... then going on to learn techniques that supported this new perspective.

In my "Advanced Dating Techniques" program, I spend several HOURS teaching you this very special perspective and understanding... so that you will have the only pair of 3-D glasses... while everyone else has no idea what's going on.

I highly recommend that you get yourself a copy of my "Advanced Dating Techniques" CD/DVD program. It is literally JAM PACKED with hundreds of concepts and step-by-step techniques for meeting women, dating women, and taking things to a "physical level" smoothly... and with a minimum amount of rejection and failure.

Go here to get the details and to check out a few great free samples:

Some of my other programs can also help you in this area... and help you create and amplify attraction using your WORDS AND BODY LANGUAGE ALONE. If you haven't watched the great preview video clips yet, then you need to go and check
them out. My "Body Language" CD/DVD program is here:

And you can watch some great preview video clips of my "Cocky Comedy" program here:

P.S. There are many different elements of success


It is hard to believe that a man is
telling the truth when you know that
you would lie if you were in his place

- H.L. Mencken

July 9, 2006

Best Career for your zodiac sign

Aries (March 21-April 19) You are enthusiastic, alert, outspoken, ambitious, strong-willed and creative. A career in television or radio, advertising or architecture would suit your ambitious and creative nature. Because you are a strong, natural leader, the military or law enforcement would also serve you well.

Taurus (April 20-May 20) A Taurus is practical, methodical, determined, patient, honest, dependable and a good team player. Look to the fields of banking, accounting and scientific research for your perfect job.

Gemini (May 21-June 21) You are very optimistic, inquisitive, intelligent and full of energy. You need a vocation that keeps your interest piqued and keeps you going, such as a travel guide, nature explorer or a sales position where travel is required.

Cancer (June 22-July 22) Cancers are imaginative, dramatic, philosophical, nurturing and protective. You’re best at dispensing advice, so consider law, psychology, teaching, nursing or social work for your life’s vocation.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22) You are spontaneous, gregarious, independent and born to lead, with a true lust for power. These magnetic qualities make Leos good CEOs, managers, editors and perfect for government positions.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22) Precise, witty, cheerful, perfectionist, detail-oriented, hard-working and neat, with a knack for languages -- all describe you. Technician, statistician, medical researcher, investigator or translator are perfect career options for Virgos.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Libras are very diplomatic, charming, sociable, easy-going and cooperative. Your sense of cooperation and ability to engineer a compromise mean you would do well in the United Nations or as a lawyer, mediator, negotiator or administrator.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) You are penetratingly intuitive, intelligent, analytical, hard working, motivated and resourceful. Because you like to solve mysteries, consider espionage, police investigation, law, physics, research and writing.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) Sagittarians have a positive attitude, boundless energy, love of travel and a strong spiritual side. A sales position would be ideal, as would public relations, social administration or theology.

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) You are rock-solid, dependable, responsible, highly organized, goal-oriented, logical and clever. You thrive in positions of power or any vocation where math or money is involved. Consider an IT position because you love software and computers. You are also well-suited for being a doctor, accountant or lawyer.

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Intelligent, original, progressive, humanitarian and visionary are all qualities that describe Aquarians. Choose a job in astronomy, natural history, aviation, photography, poetry, character acting or music.

Pisces ( Feb. 19-March 20) Pisces are generous, friendly, sensitive, popular, artistic, versatile, compassionate and spiritual. You will do well in any of the arts: drama, literature, painting, music, but your compassion also makes you well-suited for philanthropy and judicial positions.

Copyright 2005 CareerBuilder.com
i think this is on point...I dont put much into horoscopes and stuff...but I look at this and im like...it's sooooooo true

and i was rooting for FRANCE

...what a sad note to retire on...

oh well....off to get my grub on w/my daddy and HER

oh well.....Good Game!!!
Congratulations Federer

July 7, 2006


I dont know how me and my coworkers got talking about bathrooms today but I just had to let them know how particular i was...I relayed my story...

I go to Boston. Actually I was on my way to New Hampshire and I decided I'd go thru Boston instead of Manchester. My family lives there. So I called my cousin Wole to come and get me and he said it was cool to stay with him. NO PROBLEM

I get to his apartment that he shares with another roommate and the place is...pathetic. The lights dont work in the kitchen...or in the fridge...the place just seems somehow. There's a whole library of playboy magazines in the corner. Excercise machine in another corner...books...papers. etc. I go to his room and Thank God...it's better than the living/dining room.

Then I had to take a shower. I was filled with dread.

First off, there was a hole punched into the door...

"Wole, why is there a hole in your bathroom door"

Wole: oh this guy was stuck in there and punched a hole to get out

The door is made of wood and swells with the heat...so it'd been swollen du2 the heat. And why wasnt this fixed? All I get, a shrug of shoulders

So I had to get a paper towel and tape the hole up so that when I sit down to do the do, ppl wont be walking by peeping. I mean...this was awful. I felt so uncomfortable. I should have just called my sister to tell her I was coming to town and stayed in their nice comfortable house but I didnt feel like dealing with that side of the family

So I take a shower...the tub is DISGUSTING. Thank God I had my shower shoes. I ALWAYS have shower shoes with me...a habit i picked up in college...even in my bathroom

The water doesnt seem to go anywhere...so I wait....let the water drain...before continuing. I feel disgusted all over again just typing it. I mean it was bad. The floor was nasty...the bathroom tiles...Gosh...that bathroom was just N-A-S-T-Y...did i mention it was nasty?

Thankfully I was off to NH the next day...to a clean bathroom....hung out with my friend and headed back to Boston Saturday Night

Sunday morning, Wole is getting ready for church and I get dressed.

Wole: Aren't you going to have a shower

Me: No...we're almost late for church...I'll have one later...let's just go

YEAH....much later...like when I get to Atlanta. IF he thought I would subject myself to such cruelty as to taking a shower in that NASTY bathroom....puh-leeaasseeeeeee.

His nice roommate had to go out and get me lunch...the kitchen was pitiful.

so i came back and relayed my story to a friend, Latoya

Latoya: yeah guys are nasty. Even my son (he's like 4/5)....that's why I have a 2 bedroom 2 bath...so he can have his own stuff

Me: Well I didnt know guys could be nasty like that. First experience.

Well last time I spent the weekend with a friend, I made sure to tell him to be sure his bathroom was clean...and the sheets changed...so maybe I should have given Wole advance notice...but I just never figured that my own cousin would be soooooooo DDUUURRRTTTYYYY

I have to confess...I can be messy...but when my friends come to my house one thing they notice is that my kitchen and bathroom...ALWAYS on point...they have to be...those are the places most susceptible to germs...now my room...you may find shoes, clothes, papers and books strewn about...but dont come messing up my kitchen and my bathroom

See a while back I had a shower at my step mom's and ended up w/Athlete's foot. I had just arrived in America. Didnt know what it was...so I've been scarred...Even as clean as MY bathroom is...I cant enter it without shower shoes...weird i know...
When I first moved, i stayed with my uncle...even his place was nasty...the guest bathroom...the toilet was faulty...it didnt flush properly...you should see the amount of money i invested in trying to get that thing up to some kinda of "par"...had gallons of bleach...just all toilet stuff...it seemed like there was mildew in the bathroom...so I had to be very very careful. I made sure not to eat anything heavy at home...or to try and use his bathroom before he came home since it was better...and I lived there for six months...was glad when I moved out to my own place

I was telling Ms. Davis about how nasty guys are...she asked why I was profiling...

okay...so no offense to any guy that is clean...as few as yall are...

But Im headed back to Boston in August...and TRUST ME...I aint' stepping foot near Wole's place again

I Pledge to Nigeria my Country...

My eyes perk up when I read an article and there's mention of Nigeria...or Lagos...I hungrily scan the rest of the pages, wanting to read more
I wake up this morning and out of curiousity I click on the headlines about Diplomats paying tickets...and then I see "Nigeria"...so I read more...thinking they'll have something to back up the mention of my beloved country...but NO...there's nothing else. Just this:
Their main finding was that diplomats were more likely to run up unpaid parking fines if they hailed from countries with a history of unchecked corruption, such as Nigeria.
okay, so I expected to see something else right? But they go on to show that:
Between November 1997 and the end of 2002, diplomats accumulated more than 150,000 unpaid parking tickets in New York, racking up $18 million in unpaid fines..
Based on statistics supplied by the city, the report said the worst offenders during that period were Kuwait, which averaged 246.2 unpaid tickets per diplomat per year, followed by Egypt, with 139.6; Chad, with 124.3; and Sudan, with 119.1.
I just do not see the relevance of mentioning Nigeria. Why couldnt it be said that their main findings were if they hailed from countries such as Kuwait and Egypt...It's like they always have to give a dishonorable mention of Nigeria...
I've noticed that. I remember one time, this lawyer went beserck in Pennsylvania or somewhere around there. He went shooting his law professor. Forget the mention that he's an AMERICAN citizen...oh no...they had to capitalize on the fact that he was a Nigerian...a nigerian man goes beserck. How about CNNs expose' a couple of weeks ago....
Why is it they cant be positive. I mean what has Nigeria done to these people or are they victims of their own greediness by falling into one of these 419 scams and want to lash out as often as they can. Admittedly good news isnt always that interesting. We tend to focus or are more interested in bad news. We allow the negative to overshadow the positive. It's inherent. I posted a Re:Flection a while back...it asked the question "you have 20 things to do, 19 goes right and 1 goes wrong...which do you talk about?"
It is definitely up to us to consciously put a positive spin on Nigeria. Actually it's up to "me". I havent seen a country produce more talent or hardworking people...very diverse...very resilient. Positiveness could come from anywhere. Taking a look at the Music Industry in Nigeria...Im so proud of what they've done....glad that I was a part of its defining movement. Showcasing each artists' music and giving them the exposure they deserved, was my contribution into making things more positive. Now when people talk about 2face, eldee,...i smile...remembering where they started from. It's important to understand that we're each an ambassador for the country. When people ask how Nigeria is, I launch into stories about the hospitality of the people...places to go to...different traditions each ethnic groups has...things that make me proud...it typically ends with them wanting to come visit, lamenting on how my opinion is different from the media's...
My cousin invited a notable official in Atlanta to my uncle's wedding last year. He came with his wife and they had fun. Next thing you know, he's in lagos visiting. Now he's back and all he talks about is going back. He just looovveeeeeessssss his clothes...
No doubt that the country has its problems...what country doesnt. America has the same issues...but it's a bigger country so it doesnt seem major unlike Nigeria...all the issues seems to be magnified there. Regardless of its population, it is still a small country...still growing...still developing...

July 6, 2006

Depth of my thoughts

If I told you that I feed and get my hits off you
would you know what it means
and if you do would that scare you
or would you be able to laugh and take it in stride
accepting the basicity for what it truly is

It took three months, five rings and an hour to get connected
In my mind I was seducing you
Each word provoking and reeling you in
Yet, my hunger has not been abated
If I become naked and confess it
would you distance yourself from me

[Now check this...]

I want to be the focal point of your oral intensity
Be blended and whirled into the essence of you
Shaken not stirred into your mesmeric versatility
But please don’t misconstrue this...
I’m not trying to be your woman
If you understand this, then you would understand me
And if you know this, would you grant the access I seek

I'm tilted on the edge of reason
waging a battle between self-inflicted ethics and boyfriend restrictions
I struggle to define and put you in perspective
Grasping desperately at a new self awareness
I'm floating in the fear of the indefinite, wondering if you feel me
And if you do, would you reveal it

I’m between my space and yours
Life conditioned and too apprehensive to let me go…
I’m on a self-created battleground
with no armor; just me, a smile and a wish
and I’m waiting…can’t risk making the wrong move
I don’t want you to retreat too soon
But if or when I choose to step off the edge, will you be there to catch me

Herein lies the greatest mystery

July 4, 2006

The American Embassy

What is wrong with those people at the embassy? I cant reveal how I REALLY feel (you can read between the lines) before the FBI, CIA and APD jump on me. Are they God? I understand you have a job to do but at least act like you have some compassion...show empathy.

Scenario 1:
I was set to graduate. My mother got an interview date for a visa a month AFTER my graduation. It didnt make any sense so I flew home and went to the embassy myself to request the date be changed. Had any documentation they could possibly need to let them know when I would be graduating...Had an invitation letter from the school as well. First off the security guard didnt want to let me in. I understood that he didnt want my mother in as she wasnt a citizen but ME??? I eventually get in and fill out a stupid form as to the reason for my visit. I explained to this nice black lady what the problem was. She smiled...seemed understanding...gave me hope. Then this white man came up and told me "Sorry there's nothing we can do"...I tried to reason with him. How can my mother come for an interview for a visa to a graduation AFTER the fact...He simply shrugged his shoulder. I wanted to hurl all the furniture at him. I was pissed off. Does this make sense? Went back and dashed my mother's hope

This man didnt realize what I'd been through to walk across the stage. I'd been struggling through college. Teacher issues, money issues...I was an independent student...finding a place to live issues. Didnt he realize that I needed my mother there with me. The woman who stood beside me and prayed me through college? The woman that I thought about constantly to stay motivated and make it through the next day? I left the embassy with hot tears...I was angry. I was upset. My mother cried although she didnt want me to see...FOOLISH people. Luckily, my sister-in-law knew someone who knew someone e.t.c...the date was changed (i thought that miscreant said it couldnt be done) and she was granted a visa.

Scenario 2:
My sister overstayed in America. She came in with her Nigerian Passport. Returned to her base in England about 10years later. So when she came the next time with her red passport, she was turned away at Custom's...can you imagine. All that money lost on a ticket. She didnt really have a choice. She tried to explain. She came as a child. She was only 12...she was told to stay. Well she should have left when she was old enough. EXCUSE ME? Do they hire people there w/o brains? She'd over stayed as a MINOR... Anyways, our eldest sister filed for her but she wasnt supposed to leave the country while that was going on. We didnt know leaving would be a problem...apparently no matter which passport you use, once your name is in the system...that's it...anyways that's all water under the bridge now

She wanted to come back. She was told she needed a visa. My mom told me that she wouldnt get one for the next 10years at least. That's America's policy. I didnt/couldnt tell her that. We prayed about it. All things are possible with God. Set up an interview and went...she was rejected. She wasnt fully established with her job in the UK yet...didnt own a home...there was nothing to show she needed to return to the UK. ok....we understand

So recently, she called the embassy. An indian picked up the phone. She wanted to set up another interview. She's established now. Actually, she's only applying for a visa because her job wants her to attend a conference. The indian lady asks the reason why she needs a visa...she goes into the whole spill. She gets placed on hold. The indian lady is copping an attitude. The freaking operator is having an attitude.

Um HELLO? you're not even american....so why are YOU tripping...just set up the DAMN interview.
Imagine. same thing happened when I went to lagos. the security guard starts feeling like his on top of the world because you WORK for the embassy...not that you yourself are american

Anyways after minutes on hold, the operator comes back on. She tells my sister she can't set up an interview until months away. This is very strange...the last time my sister got a date instantly

The freaking indian* at the american embassy is fucking crazy

You know Im not racist...prejudiced(everyone is prejudiced so if you're feeling self righteous SNAP OUT OF IT)....but not racist...I mean my sister made a premium call and you placed her on hold...challenging her story. What is your damn business...just set up the freaking interview. I can understand if it was YOUR country...but I mean do you own america? you're the OPERATOR

My sister hung up. She'll call back and speak to someone else

Im so hot about that embassy. Hot about its universal degrading treatment of others. I mean it's enrolling foreigners into their wayward mentality. Well can we blame them. You get a little power and all of a sudden...

They just denied my mom her renewal. God will punish them. I mean they granted it to her, told her to come back...then they called her back and due to some technicality they changed their minds.

I feel like going home and telling all of them to pack their load and get out my country...if you want to come in, you have to go through me for a freaking visa

I mean my mother went to school in the States...had her children in the states...lived here for years and years...show some mercy please

*sorry if anyone is offended

Relationships: Girl and Boy

Girl: Excuse me...can I ask you a question
Boy: Sure
Girl: Can I be your girlfriend?
Boy: No, Im too busy

Well this conversation actually took place on the campus of a major university in Nigeria.
I was very surprised at the boldness of the girl. Wondered about the boy's response to her as well. Im all for empowering women and equal rights but please....I dont think that asking a guy if you could be his girlfriend is the way to go. I felt bad for the girl. It takes guts to ask a question like that. You're putting everything you have out there. Only to face rejection. I felt embarrased for the girl.

The boy...he's quite handsome. I mean apart from the fact that he doesnt seem romantically inclined, he's one that many would be after. His girlfriend has been urged by several to hurry up and marry him before someone else snatches him up. He doesnt really work out (at least not that I know of) yet he's body is banging...he's educated, well-mannered...serious about being successful. I could go on and on about his qualities...the point is, hands down he's a great guy. Although the request from the girl took me aback, I could see how someone would want him for herself

The girl...dont really know her that well. She's a muslim...dresses fully...very quiet. She's not knock-out gorgeous...but she isnt ugly either. So the question and the person asking...came as a double surprise

He actually told his girlfriend about the incident and she had a fit.
"Why didnt you respond with: I have a girlfriend"

He said the question took him by surprise and somehow he didnt want the girl to feel bad so he told her he was too busy. That's what came in his mind. He didnt understand why his girlfriend was having a fit. At least he told her, right? If he had anything to hide, he wouldnt have told her anything at all

Well let's see. You chased this girl down for years. She's smart and beautiful. She embodies what anyone would like to have in a mate. She dumped someone to be with you because you finally asked. You set the rules about dating and told her upfront where you wanted the relationship to go and although she struggled with it, she accepted finally. You know you're lucky to have her and vice versa but when faced with a question, she's not the first thing that pops in your mind? Of course she'll have a fit. It's good you told her about the incident because you're being honest but that doesnt excuse the answer

He went back and told one of his male friends who told him that it was a mistake to tell his girlfriend...GUYS!!!!!!!!!!! Anyways, I had to keep it real with him. If the situation were reversed, wouldnt you want your girl to set the record straight. To have ppl know that there's a claim on her and they need to back off? Of course he would. I seem to recall some incidents where he wasnt happy because his girlfriend is hanging out with other guys...no matter how platonic. Well then, see why she's upset? He understood and apologised to his girlfriend.

Good luck to them both....

Actually...Goodluck to me!
Im the girlfriend