sometimes i feel so all alone
consciously i know that God is there
Im in a weird mood
im crying...been crying all day
different things slicing thru my mind
my mom. my dad. my house. my future.
what does Tomorrow hold
mommy said Talk to God
I dont find it easy to do so
I mean it's not like I can hear him as clear as someone talking to me
or can i?
maybe I just havent been paying attention
daddy was with me for a couple of days and I realized that I loved him more than I thought I did. It's so hard sometimes because Ive always thought his love for me was conditional but now I realize he loves me the only way he knows how and he tries His Best. He was labeled the black sheep of the family...even know...the siblings that profess God...still have so much hatred and resentment and greed and they wonder why they dont prosper. I inherited part of my dominant personality from daddy. I call him the Orginal Player. Daddy is GQ personified...at his age...people will still take a second glance...wondering if im his sugar daughter. He still calls me by my nickname....the one he gave him as a kid...
mommy has been through so much. She is so strong...I remember I used to steal from her when I was younger. I regret those days. In my childish eyes I thought she had so much....I wanted to be like the other rich kids in school that would bring money in to buy stuff during lunch and after school. I slept with her for so many years...I love just being curled up next to her...her skin is so soft...baby smooth...oh what a beautiful lady. God let at least one of my children...female children...look exactly like her
Im so scared that my parents are growing old. I dont want to lose either of them. God please hear me....please for my sanity, let them live forever and ever....to see my children's children...Let them grow old with dignity...Help me God to be able to provide them with everything they need to make their life fabulous. God please let my parents live forever. Maybe it seems a little selfish...
Daddy left me briefly...just to go 3hours away and I cried...wrote him so many love notes before he left...he said he's never had so much love from me in one day. Im using every oppurtunity to appreciate the people that mean so much to me...
i wish mommy and daddy were still together...i guess a miracle can still happen...I dont know God...I just want to be better than them...learn from their mistakes...help me not to repeat the cycle
I sat downstairs in the dining room today...I looked around...it was quiet everywhere...Gosh...I own my own home. What was I thinking. God help me handle this without a room mate. Everyone keeps asking if I will get one...surprised that I bought a home...maybe surprised at its size...God put all my enemies/naysayers to shame.
I wonder if I should even have a house warming...I was constantly on alert yesterday with the kids...praying nothing would spill on the carpet...but things happen...Aunty said it was because it was new...said I wouldnt worry about it after a while...she doesnt know me...Im very picky about certain things...and the maintenance of this house is important...better to keep up than catch up. I dont think I'll have a house warming...I dont even think I want to buy any new furniture...I guess people will say Im being cheap but I know what Im doing...just because you have some money doesnt mean you have to spend it all...I guess this is one of those conversations I have to have with you God...I guess I have to totally rely on you for everything
God please help me hear you clearly....that my discernment of you will be on high...that even for the most baseless things or things I consider to be so...I will listen for you....to you
I kinda feel a little better...stopped crying...I guess I'll go to BestBuy and go get Roberta Flack's CD