Im exhaling yall. Im writing this as Im processing it...
I remember different incidents through the course of our friendship.
I took him and his cousin to church...this was like part 2 of the introduction process to the Nigerian community. This wasnt a church I normally go to...because the service was too long and unfulfilling but they wanted to go...so we went sporadically throughout the summer. I remember they would come late all the time which irked me. But one day, during some thanksgiving thing...he looked back at me and I looked right at him and it was interesting. I wasnt sure what to make of that. It was nice...nothing sexually transmitting...it was just nice to look at each other. The church was very boring to be honest. We used to find humor in alot of things there. It seems kinda bad but he used to make fun of the pastor...he (the pastor) always would say "parraps"...as in perhaps...and we found that amusing. Parraps this Parraps that.
One time we were joking around in my suite mate's room...she was cool with us that day and S had taken off his shirt and I took a picture....as in playfully trying to capture him. When I developed the pictures, I couldnt even look at it. As in it was just me and the picture. No one else was around. I took a sneak-peek at the picture and then I hid it. I was so embarrassed to look at it. I finally had to destroy it. Now I think about it and I’m turning red remembering. Gosh. what was wrong with me? Why was I bothered? I can only laugh at myself cuz I dont think even now I could bring myself to look at him if the access was there. Oh boy boy boy....
We were driving down the street one day. I was in the front seat with him, his cousin in the back. Some song came up and he grabbed my left hand, interlacing my fingers with his and pretended he was singing the line of a song to me. It was some sort of "im feeling you baby, you’re the one for me" type song. I feigned ignorance; I laughed. Im sure he was joking around. His cousin was like "Gerraway jo...you mean you dont know"...but we were all in a light mood and it soon passed. I've thought it over and over in my head...does he like me? do I like him? I just don’t think so. At least not in the romantic/sexual sense...or do I?
S moved a couple of years after we met. I moved too. We moved to the same state…the same year...him for a job, me because I was told by my mom to move after graduation. He was the only friend I knew at the time that I could hang with. My ex lived in the same state as well...but he was my ex so you know how that goes. S lived half an hour from me. He would come and we would chill. That boy loves to drive. He would visit all the time. I felt bad that he would come over all the time but I wasn’t about to start driving over to his place it was just too far. I did make it there once but I told him I wouldnt be back.
He took me out for my birthday that year. It was to a nice restaurant downtown. We got lost. I knew it but he never admitted it. Just kept saying he wanted to surprise me....INDEED. We were lost...actually he was lost...I was just along for the ride. That's when I knew that when people say guys dont like to ask for directions or admit they're lost...that it's the truth. You know he didnt admit that we were actually lost until the next year during one random conversation? We had a nice time at the restaurant. It was really nice of him. I felt like I was an actress on TV...you know those shows that guys and girls are friends and go out and have fun with no strings attached and are just so tres chic. Yes...Diamond was now a big girl! I had a degree…a car…a job..and I was doing adult things, at least to my way of thinking! The restaurant was interesting...there was this couple there fighting...as in we were all sitting close to each other and the guy was tripping on the girl. The girl was as fine as anything and the guy was burlish looking and he was cussing up a storm at this girl…walking off attimes and this girl was just taking the abuse...I guess that was our entertainment for the night. Going to the restaurant with him surprised me. Honestly, I feel sometimes that S has a tight hand over his money. If I didnt know he was igbo I would swear up and down that he was the konkest ijebu man ever to live. He's really smart with his money I have to admit...invests it as wisely as he is able to...I like him for that. It's one of the few things I know that no one else does...I feel - privileged.
Once at home, something happened that made me think he might like me like me. But I brushed it aside and we continued as normal. As in something happened where we got close...he sorta...we just got close...I had to brave my way outta that situation. Too close for comfort. But I wonder what would've happened if I had just let things progress. Would the lines have been crossed? And if it had,then what? Unsolved Mystery. As always we reverted back quickly...we chilled. Eventually, I made a new friend...which means he made a new friend too and two became 3. We would all hang out and talk about everything but I was still his closest pal. My cousins that I lived with thought he was weird but that's okay because he was my friend and I accepted him flaws and all. Interestingly enough S tends to get along with more people than I do...he has a higher tolerance level so he still keeps in touch with most ppl that I introduced him too while I just cant be bothered. Im working on that...im still in a work in progress
He moved again...but this time he lived 5minutes away so it was easier to visit. He helped me move into my new apartment. I had just bought a tall black lamp that I didn’t want so I gave it to him...he gave me a little golden lamp that fit my decor so when you walk into my apartment and you enter into the soft glow...say thank you to S
He started dating this girl. She was from some village that he too was from. I was happy for him intially. He's always insisted that he'd prefer to marry someone from his village...why? I dont know. Makes no sense to me. He brought her over to meet me. My other two girlfriends were around. After he left they looked at me and i was like 'WHAT?" Did I feel jealous....absolutely not. I thought she looked crazy. For real that girl looked crazzzzziiiieee. He called me later that night and asked me what I thought. I told him as long as he was happy and that she was his choice then it was all that mattered...it shouldnt matter what I think. CRAZY. I dont know what he saw in her. Her hair was in all kinds of directions...her shoes were...actually Im confused. The whole look wasnt connecting. I mean did she not know she was visiting folks? for the first time? The least she could do is try to look presentable right? Maybe she couldnt help it...it was late...maybe she was tired. Some may say I was being snobbish but she just wasnt up to par. She was floating in america...couldnt talk about things coherently...She isnt someone I would want him to date but what's my business right? Let them not say Diamond is the one that put sand in his garri. I really try not to get involved in peoples relationships.
He eventually broke up with her. I remember asking him if he kissed her and how it felt...YUCK! Cuz I couldnt imagine him kissing HER. Not to say I could imagine him kissing me either because I cant. Seriously..I cant. He wasnt so forthcoming with his response...being me...I have to know detail by detail. I asked him HOW he kissed her...as in who drew close first...who slanted the head...which way...how did it feel. My questions went unanswered of course. Answered my questions with his own What do you mean how did I kiss her? I kissed her.I knew then that relationship wouldnt last...it was only a matter of time. That girl just wasnt up to par…sorry that I felt that way but it’s the truth and he knew it too…which was why he kept asking me and asking me what I thought. I think the members of the church he joined pushed him to her.We spent new years together. I had been inviting him to my church and for once he agreed to come with me. It was a watch night service. It was really nice but I kept falling asleep which is why now I dont do overnight services. My body doesnt have the tolerance for it. I remember in Nigeria my mother dragged me to church...archbishop vining. I love that church. You know they pray alot during all these overnight services...I took the opportunity to sleep while kneeling for prayers...people were probably thinking wow this girl is dedicated to the Lord. Hasnt raised her head not one time. Steadfast in Prayer indeed...lol
He moved again