July 23, 2006

from my younger self

D...

hey girl. I see how you've grown. I see your ups and downs. And I see how you're surviving, trying to make the best. Im proud of you but you're being stagnant and I need for you to get a move on. Im really concerned about you. Concerned about where you're going, concerned about your health. I want the best for you but Im wondering now that the world has revealed itself if you want the best for you. You say it but do you mean it. Will you do what it takes

let's me and you take a walk....

Remember how you would make shoes from calendars and cardboard boxes...you used to walk to Bimbo's house down the street and came back barefoot each time. Remember how you would sew clothes for your dolls...convincing the tailors to even make some for you? You remember how you created your first magazine and had people donate to keep it going? You werent even 10 yet. Remember how you used to draw. I must say you're much improved. Remember how you pretended to be a doctor. You used to prick people with safety pins and use vaseline to heal them. Remember how you rallied people around the neighborhood and created a cultural dance group...right there in the hallway of your home? Remember how happy and self assured you were? I see you smiling at the memories. You used to love to read...you were a bookworm and thank God you still do although I want you to stop reading those romance novels. You were so neat and so smart...Remember how much you were favored? You would speak things to life...remember that day you woke up sick and with your faith you prayed in the water, drank it and declared you were well? My sweet D, I want you to remember. What about all those trips you took and all your sleepovers...yeah those days were nice.

I know there are some ugly memories mixed in there but you cant change all of the past as much as I know you want to. You've grown up and you had to move forward even when you didnt want to. I cried with you during those dark days but Im so glad you pulled through. You've had to grow up quickly and learn things faster than others and I know it was a major disservice to you. Children shouldnt have to grow up so fast. But you're stronger for surviving it. Didnt Alfreeda tell you that? See how the adults come calling to you now?

Here's why Im trying to get your attention. I want you to return to the way you were. Not young and immature...but vibrant and full of life. There are going to be worries all the time but remember even if the midst of it all, you were always smiling. You're still always smiling...but you do that now to mask your pain, you laugh to mask your fear and you've grown more secluded. Im concerned for you. I need you out and about. I see you're making a little effort now. But I want you to do more.

I guess in a way I want you be a little selfish. Just a little. It's hard I know but try not to internalize everyone else's problem. Understand that each adult makes their decision. I know you feel torn but I want you to think of you for just a bit. Forget the family issues...God will fight your battle for you. It is time for you to focus. You're not getting any younger. I could go on and on. But I just wanted you to know that you have 24 people behind you...supporting you through life....holding you up, and each year, you had more supporters and you cannot disappoint. You've always said you'd live your life with no regrets. I want you to remember but not dwell on your past glories...you must continue to do more. You must live up to your name

Did you think your name came out of nowhere? You are a true gem, you're a star....you need to shine and let the world see your shine once more. Remember when you worked for STAR...did you think it was a coincidence. You took a chance...made what you thought was a negative experience and made it vibrant...

So...ms Im all grown up now...I just wanted to touch base with you. I need you to find the book you wrote your goals in and revisit it. You said this year was your year. Im sorry about the accident but I know that jostled you a bit to get you moving. But I need you to work harder and get back to the basics of being you and leave everything you cant handle to God...

Stop rolling your eyes...renew your faith. Do you remember when months ago you thought you were dying and you called everyone you knew. Remember you tried to call from Lagos to London to everyone all around you and nobody picked up the phone. Who did you call on...it is that same God that I want you to get closer to. Dont forget the words of that old lady...reminding you about God's word. Isnt it interesting how a complete stranger can grab our attention. It was no coincidence you talked to her...I know you dont really believe in coincidences. I really need you to pay attention to the signs. You're so blessed and favored and I want you to recognize how much. I know you'll be okay. But when you feel yourself going back down, just re-read my letter and Remember! oh yeah...quit crushing on all those guys...they're no good for you.

Keep moving forward Favor...and shine for the world to see...remember your name....remember who God said you are and walk in that knowledge

I love you...until after forever

oh yeeeaaaah...there's that million dollar smile...lol

2 comments:

Uzo said...

Wow! Pretty intense stuff. I sense that you are experiencing a lot of emotions and wondering what direction your life needs to go in. Take the words of your younger self. Find the book you wrote your goals in, be incommunicado if you need to be. Dont be afraid to reach out to people....

What more can i say.....A big hug always makes me feel better so i am sending one to you.

Keep your head up D

DiAmOnD hawk said...

thank you for that hug uzo...