July 10, 2006

Dates WITHOUT the cost

Sent to me by a friend, Brad (check out his profile)... a rather long but interesting read

I've gotten several emails asking questions like, "Should I pay for dates?" and "How do I avoid paying for dates?"

The answer that I'm going to propose is almost misleading in its simplicity, but hey, those are my favorite kind...

See, if you don't go out on "take her out to dinner" dates anymore, then you won't have to deal with paying for them. Profound, I know. Please, hold the applause.

Let me explain this a little more...

A lot of good research suggests that women think men, who are potential mates, fall into one of two categories. I call these categories, "Lover" and "Provider". If you've read my book "Double Your Dating" then you will recall that one of the three free bonus reports was dedicated to this topic.

The basic idea goes like this:

In a "traditional" boy-meets-girl situation, the girl makes a decision early on whether you're the type of guy that she should get physically involved with quickly (spelled A-T-T-R-A-C-T-I-O-N), or if you're of the "nicer" type (spelled W-U-S-S-Y) that would be glad to "prove" yourself to her by paying for lots of expensive dates, buying flowers, etc.

I realize that I'm generalizing here, and that I'm being a bit extreme... but I'm making a point, so go with me.

A very common approach that men use is the old "Can I take you out sometime?" line.
At first glance, it sounds innocent enough. It has the ring of "I'm a nice guy, and I'd like to take you to dinner so I have a chance to get to know you better" to it, right? Well, it may seem that way at first glance, but let's get a little deeper into what ELSE you're saying when you ask a question like this one (or start off by paying for dinner, etc.).

Here are a few of the OTHER LESS OBVIOUS things that you're saying when you offer to "take a woman out".

1) You're starting off the relationship RIGHT FROM THE BEGINNING by offering to buy something for her, and more importantly YOU'RE SETTING AN EXPECTATION. In other words, when you do this, you're setting an expectation that you're going to do this from NOW ON.

2) You're subtly saying, "I feel like I need to use a bribe to get you to see me again". I'm sure that men have been bribing women with food and gifts since the dawn of our species. Does this sound far-fetched to you? Check out how our closest relatives, the chimps use food to persuade females to have sex with them. No, really.

3) Once you "take a woman out" and prove to her beyond the shadow of a doubt that you like to pay for things, you set a whole series of other subconscious expectations in place. Without going into detail, most of these other expectations will only lead her thinking of you in the "nice guy" category, and costing you time and money that you might as well have thrown down a rat hole.

4) By going out to a typical nice restaurant setting, you start a whole chain of events that often leads to two people looking at each other over a candle, in a loud room full of other people, with a typically uncomfortable "OK, so tell me about yourself and don't ask me too many personal questions please" look on your faces.

I don't know about you, but this just isn't my idea of a good time. So, what's the alternative?

Thought you'd never ask...As I said earlier, the first thing you might consider doing is NOT ASKING WOMEN "OUT" ANYMORE.

Instead, just say, "Do you have email?" If she does, hand her a pen and say, "Great, write it down for me." Then, follow up by inviting her to join you for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. Here's an example email for you:

"Hi, it was fun talking yesterday... I'm thinking that we should get together tomorrow for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation. You seem like you might make a nice friend." Then, if you're REALLY cheap, show up 5 minutes late so she buys her own tea and is waiting for you. You can even say, "How inconsiderate of you... where's mine?"

Here's the key:


Use the techniques that you're learning from me to be Cocky & Funny, keep her laughing, and generally bust on her to increase the ATTRACTION level.

If you buy a woman enough dinners, she may begin to feel some AFFECTION for you... but food and gifts will never lead to ATTRACTION. Big difference! Now, knowing how to avoid buying women dinners and gifts is only a small piece of the puzzle. You obviously need to know how to get a woman to be interested enough to date you in the first place before you can NOT take her out on a date!

Well, as you can probably imagine, I've spent a lot of years now figuring out how to become the kind of guy that women want to be around. I've spent a lot of time watching guys who are what you might call "Naturals" with women. I've spent a lot of time trying out just about every imaginable idea and strategy with women...And guess what? Most of them SUCKED. Most of them didn't work. Most of them felt strange and manipulative. Most of them were just plain not good.

After trying all this stuff and feeling around in the dark for quite a long time, I started to
realize that my problem wasn't the TECHNIQUES I was using, it was the way I was approaching things. You see, I hadn't really taken the time to understand women and the psychology of dating and attraction. I was just trying to learn tricks, hoping that they would magically fix everything for me.

Well, they didn't.

But, what DID fix things for me, and what did wind up leading me to fantastic success with women and dating, was learning what I call the "Inner Game"... then going on to learn techniques that supported this new perspective.

In my "Advanced Dating Techniques" program, I spend several HOURS teaching you this very special perspective and understanding... so that you will have the only pair of 3-D glasses... while everyone else has no idea what's going on.

I highly recommend that you get yourself a copy of my "Advanced Dating Techniques" CD/DVD program. It is literally JAM PACKED with hundreds of concepts and step-by-step techniques for meeting women, dating women, and taking things to a "physical level" smoothly... and with a minimum amount of rejection and failure.

Go here to get the details and to check out a few great free samples:

Some of my other programs can also help you in this area... and help you create and amplify attraction using your WORDS AND BODY LANGUAGE ALONE. If you haven't watched the great preview video clips yet, then you need to go and check
them out. My "Body Language" CD/DVD program is here:

And you can watch some great preview video clips of my "Cocky Comedy" program here:

P.S. There are many different elements of success


Everchange said...

You're joking right? (or whoever wrote this). First I was agreeing with him about not buying a woman's affection, but now he wants people to purchase some DVD? What a load of fake crap. He has some really good points, but he messes up by moving out of Reflection into Fake Commercialism.

If guys don't want to spend buttloads of money on a woman, here's what they need to do: Get to know her as a Person. Care for her as a Person. Be interested in her thoughts and let yours be interesting. You can't invite someone out for coffee if you don't have shit to talk about other than hollywood and naija. Respect her as a person, and if she finds you desirable enough, she will want you. Then when you go out, she will insist on paying for the meal, sometimes you may have to fight her so you can pay for her :-)

The writer had me going, until I realised he still wants the same shallow materialistic relationships, but he just doesn't want to pay for it. Maybe guys like him should buy the DVD. That would show them up for the suckers they are.

aihammed delot said...

I agree wih everchange and i was quite interested in what techniques he was talking about till i got put off by the commercialisation of the article. I personally try not to have public first dates - public as in eating a meal or watching a movie or just anything thats going to stop me from just having a really decent conversation. i recon walks are good...i wouldnt mind coffee but i dont drink it...so i tend to suggest the pub, but then the conversation goes down hill after the first couple of pints...there's just no winning is there. lol
You get the gist - it doesnt take a genius to know the man's talking about.