December 30, 2006

I wrote this months back. I find my mind revisitng it over and over again as the different incidents happen. I published it...thought it was too harsh...took it off. I decided to release it and let it go with this year

Onada recently cleaned her closet of useless friendships...the only thing is im not sure this particular friendship is useless..or maybe I just want to hold on to it for the sake of saying I have a friend...

I dont know...all I know is I get hurt again and again by this person...but then there are times when we laugh...or when she offers advice

I find it easy to throw people away and it's a habit I've been trying to curb...understanding that everyone isnt perfect and everyone has their moments.

I got to work today and apparently something of mine brushed against her...I didnt know...she was soooooo abrasive in letting me know...which made me give a reluctant apology...she ignores me for the rest of the day...talking to others then proceeds to tell me to stop shouting. I said "im not shouting so whatever"...and she ignored me for the rest of the day.

Now...she'll say it's the hormone pills she's on...how come she can be nice to others... It's so hard for me to be abrasive to people that I like or want to like me...I have no problem telling someone off...what is this friendship worth to me?

I dont know...I really need to evaluate this friendship...but I find that the thoughts I had months back...I have to release...

**********

so this is friendship
you only talk to me when you feel like
you wait for me to initiate the "good morning"
i see you walking around
you act like you're sick...maybe you are
but you manage to walk around and converse
oh excuse me
i forgot my position...the door mat
to wipe your shit on right?
the fucking bank when you need a loan
no credit check
or wait
the baby sitter
the fucking chef and grocery store
the one you want to moan to about your man
Aint life interesting
I thought you were different
Now I look back and realize what I didnt want to see
you insist I come to your party?
wait...what's that?
dont forget your camera??
so now Im the pro bono photographer
you stick close to me...ur ignition aint kicking
so now Im the chauffer
you call me
i answer
you tell me how you feel
I say this too shall pass
you tell me if "you're in trouble" you'll be there
if you're sick you'll be there
im sick
the phone's not rining
no knock on the door
so this is friendship
scales seem a bit unbalanced
became your landlord
no rent
yet you walk by me and dont speak
oh my bad
It's just one of dem days
girl your name aint monica
how many days do you have?
is this your definition of friendship
then you want to smile at me
when you want to wipe more shit on me
sure why not
you act like you're wise
bitch sit your ass down
took me a minute
but I figured you out
your lies were lies
silly me
just thought you were forgetful
your ass is on my Do Not Call
Do not Answer list
Be at peace!

December 26, 2006

sometimes i feel so all alone
consciously i know that God is there
Im in a weird mood
im crying...been crying all day
different things slicing thru my mind
my mom. my dad. my house. my future.
what does Tomorrow hold
mommy said Talk to God
I dont find it easy to do so
I mean it's not like I can hear him as clear as someone talking to me
or can i?
maybe I just havent been paying attention

daddy was with me for a couple of days and I realized that I loved him more than I thought I did. It's so hard sometimes because Ive always thought his love for me was conditional but now I realize he loves me the only way he knows how and he tries His Best. He was labeled the black sheep of the family...even know...the siblings that profess God...still have so much hatred and resentment and greed and they wonder why they dont prosper. I inherited part of my dominant personality from daddy. I call him the Orginal Player. Daddy is GQ personified...at his age...people will still take a second glance...wondering if im his sugar daughter. He still calls me by my nickname....the one he gave him as a kid...

mommy has been through so much. She is so strong...I remember I used to steal from her when I was younger. I regret those days. In my childish eyes I thought she had so much....I wanted to be like the other rich kids in school that would bring money in to buy stuff during lunch and after school. I slept with her for so many years...I love just being curled up next to her...her skin is so soft...baby smooth...oh what a beautiful lady. God let at least one of my children...female children...look exactly like her

Im so scared that my parents are growing old. I dont want to lose either of them. God please hear me....please for my sanity, let them live forever and ever....to see my children's children...Let them grow old with dignity...Help me God to be able to provide them with everything they need to make their life fabulous. God please let my parents live forever. Maybe it seems a little selfish...

Daddy left me briefly...just to go 3hours away and I cried...wrote him so many love notes before he left...he said he's never had so much love from me in one day. Im using every oppurtunity to appreciate the people that mean so much to me...

i wish mommy and daddy were still together...i guess a miracle can still happen...I dont know God...I just want to be better than them...learn from their mistakes...help me not to repeat the cycle

I sat downstairs in the dining room today...I looked around...it was quiet everywhere...Gosh...I own my own home. What was I thinking. God help me handle this without a room mate. Everyone keeps asking if I will get one...surprised that I bought a home...maybe surprised at its size...God put all my enemies/naysayers to shame.

I wonder if I should even have a house warming...I was constantly on alert yesterday with the kids...praying nothing would spill on the carpet...but things happen...Aunty said it was because it was new...said I wouldnt worry about it after a while...she doesnt know me...Im very picky about certain things...and the maintenance of this house is important...better to keep up than catch up. I dont think I'll have a house warming...I dont even think I want to buy any new furniture...I guess people will say Im being cheap but I know what Im doing...just because you have some money doesnt mean you have to spend it all...I guess this is one of those conversations I have to have with you God...I guess I have to totally rely on you for everything

God please help me hear you clearly....that my discernment of you will be on high...that even for the most baseless things or things I consider to be so...I will listen for you....to you

I kinda feel a little better...stopped crying...I guess I'll go to BestBuy and go get Roberta Flack's CD

December 25, 2006

Music Im Feeling - Chinua Hawk




His voice is absolutely beautiful. Today I felt my BP maybe high du2 all these cold/flu things I've been drugging myself with so I started to play his music...to soothe me. I hope you like him...

check him out at:
Chinua Hawk OR My Space OR You Tube

*********

I love this song...It was made popular by Roberta Flack...but was written originally in the late 1950s. Below are the lyrics..the way he sang it (slightly different from the original)



The first time ever I saw your face
I thought the sun rose in your eyes
And the moon and the stars were the gifts you gave
To the dark and the empty skies, my love,

To the dark and the empty skies.

The first time ever I kissed your mouth
I felt the earth move through my hand
Like the trembling heart of a captive bird
That was there at my command, my love

That was there at my command.

And the first time ever I lay with you
I felt your heart so close to mine

And I knew our joy would fill the earth
And last till the end of time my love
It would last till the end of time my love

The first time ever I saw your face, your face, your face, your face

December 21, 2006

here comes the Bride...

I got to work yesterday and all of a sudden..LITERALLY...all of a sudden I was sick. I walked in the door...my head became heavy and stuffy and my whole body started to ache. my whole entire body. Im sure people thought I was on my period or something cuz I kept moaning and shifting my body trying to relieve the ache to no avail. Then I cried. Called my aunt who told me what to get from the drugstore. In the midst of all this, I receive a text message from my mother

Long and short of the text is this
"I must hear of your wedding plans by next year in Jesus' Name" (let me add AMEN to that)

what? my bodyache went into remission for like one second while I absorbed this.

Interesting.
next year...okay...so you guys...Im getting married o

I called Bob and told him...but he was sleeping....so we talked this morning...he was asking me what I called to tell him last night. Said he had a dream that we got married...as in it was a surprise. He didnt know anything was happening...all of a sudden I come out of the car...ready for marriage...

that is one funny dream....but anyways I told him my mom said whether it is him or someone else, she must hear the plans next year. He asked me who the someone else is...abi does my mom know someone else...I denied she did....at least not to my knowledge...except it's that her friend's son she wants to marry me off to at church. Apparently he's now a doctor and expressed his interest in passing conversation...WHATEVER

so Bob and I started to talk about the wedding and introduction and all that. All of a sudden, my body was in this quivering state...as in...it's quite scary...oh my goodness. I dont know if I'll be able to go thru all that ceremony. He started to talk about the introduction and all that. I told him I dont want to do any introduction...I just want the wedding...he said will our parents meet at the church for the first time? Well I said No...they'll kinda meet casually beforehand

Gosh you guys....next year...that is sooooooo soon but really...im in my mid twenties....what am I waiting for right...well Im waiting for the man...abi will I propose to myself and marry myself? God forbid o... Bob is still in school so he wants to be done..he wants to be sure he can maintain his family. He wants to get married soon as well...I mean he goes to a wedding like every weekend...but we are not going to rush anything...well I've given him a deadline...so we wont rush anything up until the deadline. But really it's we young ones that waste time...I mean I have an uncle (i think he's almost 40 or slightly older than that)...within a year, he met his wife (mid 30s) through some family friend introduction...and got married...

Everyone keeps telling me I will make a good wife. My boss at work, told me I'd make a good "english" wife... so proper i guess. I think it's because she saw me knitting a scarf...a project i started around April in anticipation for my london trip which is still unfinished...and then she asked me if I could cook and I said Yes.... Im quite conservative...very traditional... acknowledged this about myself to myself a couple of weeks back...but there's always that _______ streak in there.... I pray I make a good wife. That I am everything my Husband desires and more and vice versa...that I will be an addition/multiplication....all that... to his life as well as that of his family/friends... I pray that... let me not start before this thing becomes too long

I want to have a quiet wedding...but I come from a big family...who will I now say is more important that can attend as opposed to the others. Before you know it, the incident will be fueling arguments for years to come...oh you dont have that in your own family? My family argue about stuff that happened in the 80s...tell me that isnt insane...it is this part of the family I dont want to come....but of course I must invite them...they will come and smile in my face then go back and say negative things behind my back... hmmm... maybe we could elope....scratch that...what will I come back and tell my mom...infact the liver to face my mother with that kind of scenario has not been developed

Well 2007 is 12 days away... alot can happen into those 365 days.... maybe i'll have a surprise wedding...I dont know...maybe I'll get engaged...Im getting giddy thinking about it. How will I get engaged...it better not be in a restaurant with the ring in my wine glass or a fortune cookie....it better not be anything written in the sky lines....hmmmm...I better be surprised is my only requirement...well surprised and it better be off the chain and my sister must be involved. infact...you cant pull off a surprise if you dont collaborate with my sister. My sister gave me her ring size...just incase her man wants to plan...he knows I'd be the one to do it with...we girls shhhaaaaaaaa ..anyways my sister doesnt necessarily have to be involved but it might prove helpful...

Maybe I should start planning the wedding. Bob said I can plan all I want but nothing goes without his approval...which is true. My sister said well you cant plan a wedding without him. I said "says who".... I can...all the groom has to do is get a tux and get some friends to act as his groomsmen...and show up and repeat after the Pastor... "I..... take thee.... " but im joking you guys. Im not planning my wedding. My ideas change all the time...so I'll wait for that time to come and of course I have a special aunty I made off Blogsville to help me when it's time

I've been visiting wedding websites lately...I stopped for a while but I dont know...it seems I've caught the bug again...and I guess a few people I know have scheduled their weddings for next year....all asking/praying that mine will be next year too... I went to seunandgrace.com and checked out their wedding video...and I was so giddy hearing them repeat the vows...I checked out ibukunandbola.com as well.... I wonder how my day will be...prayerfully not a circus as once described by don chichi ...

anyways... in other news
The aunt I called when I was sick yesterday...she asked me a question... "Were you told about my shower"

No, I replied. When is it

It was last week

Last week? No one told me...or I would have come

she said she was wondering why I didnt show up. Can you imagine. If you follow my blog...the aunt that gives me the "bath set" gifts ALL THE TIME is the one that planned this shower...and I wasnt invited. Isnt that mad? Maybe it was an oversight...but somehow I dont see how that would be an oversight...I mean she saw me the week before...we were all together when my dad was around. My aunt wanted to clarify my reasons for not showing up...now she's going to query that other aunt on why I wasnt told... hmmm...this sounds like family drama that I sooooooooo do NOT want to be involved in. Anyways Im sure she'll lie and say "I thought I told...or I did tell her..."

***
Im hosting christmas this year in the house that God blessed me with...so God help me...but from me to you...I wish you the best christmas...remember the Reason for this Season and give him Honor and Praise and remember in all things...GIVE THANKS

December 16, 2006

stranger

I dont want to want you to want me
I dont want to want your words to caress me
I dont want to want to be the one that breathes life into your soul
and inspires the words that earn you global adoration
I dont want to want to fantasize about life with you
I dont want to want your intensity focused on me
it's funny how you inspire my words...
funny...not funny ha ha...but funny...this is so ridiculous
how you'll never know...maybe you'd suspect but i'd never tell
my secret...while not a secret...is mine alone to keep even if you know
and if you do...dont tell her...dont call or text me...dont email me

I dream of winter in the south of France...summer in spain...
spring in Lagos and fall in bed...on the floor...wherever whenever-
oh...Father please forgive me
absorbing the culture...absorbing you
experiencing new things...creating shared memories
seeing everything through you...with you
the colors...the food...the music...the language...
concerts in open fields...picnics in cute outdoor cafes
I dont want to want that with you

Political discussions...varying views
and Im sure I dont know half of what you're talking about
it's your passion that does me in...
fashion...cars...education...music...culture...ethics...
Heated debates leading to ferocious mating sessions
laughter...and more laughter
breakfast in bed...relaxing baths
oh...how disgusting!
I dont want that with you

Ice skating at Rockefeller Center...a quiet walk around the park
walking in sync...our hearts...your lub...to my dub
dim lit rooms....the strum of your guitar...quiet reading...
mutual appreciation for the silence of our intimacy
in a darkened car...on a quiet night...my head against your shoulder
content and secure in you...as you drive us home
I dont want to want that

You disgust me
Im repulsed by you
I dont want you
You're not good for me
I wish you were perfect
Really...what do I care that you're not

Get out of my head
GET OUT NOW
im serious
out of my imagination
Let my memory be erased clean of you
you see i've stayed away from you

Just go away
please

December 11, 2006

Killer Biscuits wanted for Attempted Murder

Killer Biscuits wanted for Attempted Murder
(actual AP Headline)


Lisa Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.

One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Lisa's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Lisa replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Lisa refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Lisa had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head... A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid. Lisa is blonde

December 5, 2006

O ye of little faith part deux

okay yall.... I started to type and everything was just sorta all over the place...so I'll do it by day...

Okay. Keep in mind that my closing date was to be November 30

11/16 - This is when i signed my contract. I got home and talked to the Lender. My whole body was shaking when he told me how much I would have to pay. As in I didnt know if I could do it or not. The guy was calm though...he wasnt pushy at all. He tried to tell me of his experience as well. I truly believe he was Godsent. I wasnt sure if I was making the right decision. I told him maybe I should call him back...he said no worries...then I said for him to go ahead and lock-in my rate. My Papers were then sent to the GA office to take over. The guy I was working with told me the papers I should have ready for the processing of my loan. No worries...I pretty much have everything.

The weekend...into Monday: I receive a call from the GA office saying they heard they're trying to rush a closing for me...gave me the info I needed. I had everything BUT my w-2 from 2005. Imagine...I found EVERY document but that one. as in i typically keep important info together...where in the world was my tax form. I was almost freaking out. I knew it had to be in my apartment somewhere. On wednesday...right before thanksgiving...I went to Kinkos to fax what I had...imagine...their fax wasnt even working. At this point I was tired...cuz I'd been looking for the tax form. I hadnt eaten. I just left it alone and went home. I figured I could send them the info after Thanksgiving and it should still be fine. So on thurday (thxgiving) I went thru my entire apartment and I found it. I started to thank God...I was sooooooooooo happy. Everything was set...or so I thought

I decided to move my closing date tilil 12/1...doing so would mean I wouldnt have a payment due for two months...but I would have to prepay all the interest for one month. Based on my calculations, I figured everything should be covered by the closing costs. I called them to allocate the money they were giving me. They cautioned me stating I may not having enough for them to cover the closing costs in which case moving the closing date would cause me to come out of pocket more. They wanted to see if I could do it earlier. I said no. Infact I lied and said I was going out of town so I couldnt do it earlier. I wish I didnt lie...and I told God I was sorry...but this made me realize...that inspite of myself...God is God

They tried to tell me if I change my closing date, they wouldnt give me the incentives... meaning... no closing costs... no appliance package... no money down towards the price of the house...nothing. I told them if they wouldnt do it to forget it. I had long decided that nothing should overly stress me with this...if it did, i would take it as a sign that it wasnt meant to be and move on. In the mean time I wasnt sure anymore. I believe I was being led by God but what if I couldnt afford to pay the closing costs. I kept asking my lender what my closing costs would be and she kept giving me the runaround...i mean she couldnt even estimate...infact she was nasty to me the whole period but I kept calm cuz I realized that it may not be her...it could be the devil trying to rile me up...

******
anyways...everything was done. EXCEPT my rental verification. Imagine that yeye lender. Didnt fax my rental verification until the morning of 11/30 which should have been the original closing date. And wouldnt you know it...the Apartment's computer system went down...THE WHOLE DAY. and then my Lender's system went down too? Hmmm....very suspicious. The Devil is a Liar...that's when I put that up...I said it was done! I was professing it. I asked the Lender if an exception could be made...they said No..they need the information. She knew she needed this information sinceeeeeeeeee o...it is NOW that she decided to fax it. I was hyperventilating. I was sooooooooooo emotional. I called my mom...she talked to me...she said "Diamond...take it easy. God's Will WILL be done"...I was calm...sorta...trying anyways....my closing was 12/1...and I still didnt know how much I had to come out of pocket with

*******
Finally finally everything is done. they receive my rental verification. She called me and said you need to bring $1300 to closing.

Thirteen what? FOR WHY?
my heart dropped o
I mentally calculated my account...ok...doable but to be honest you guys this would have taken a very nice chunk out of my account o...as in i have to eat now...i have to buy gas...i have other bills to pay. I asked her why it was that much. This lady was like she will email me. I asked why she cant tell me over the phone. It was like I was forcing her to do her job...but i refused to get sucked into her nastiness...I was so calm with her...infact i amazed myself because in the past I would have straight up snapped at her

After much prodding..she starts to list why...I asked her if she applied all the funds the seller was paying...I asked if she'd applied the money I had already put down...she said she would call me back.

I called my mom. My mom told me to tell God what I want. So I went to my room and cried...and I told God..."I told you I didnt want to come out of pocket for anything...infact...I want money back"...

My friend's mom was with me the whole day. She asked if I would go to the bank to get the money. I told her No...that we should just go...Cuz I told God I didnt want to pay anything and I was stepping out of the house on faith

****
I got in my car...i Put in my Funmi William's Praise and Worship CD....you know there are times where english/american praise and worship doesnt just do it..you have to go back to the motherland...I kept praying...thanking God...telling God about what I asked him...talking to God. I prayed if I had to pay anything it would not be more than $500...but really I didnt want to pay anything and I kept telling God

****
I was late to closing...like 10mins...right before I got there...the lender called me. She said "Ms Hawkins..you're right. I didnt apply everything...so we actually owe you $$$"

I just started crying....laughing...crying...it was God. I know it was God. I told God I didnt know how he was going to do it...he had to work his miracle somehow....they owed me money....O Glory Hallelujah....Thank you God...yes I know I havent paid tithes lately or been to church but God sees my heart...I just started to thank God. As in..this has never happened to me before. I walked out of my apartment on faith...and God came thru.

*****

will finish this later today or tomorrow

okay...im back

anyways...the money I got back...I quickly went that night and deposited it in the bank and I promised the whole thing back to God.

The lawyer was amazed...EVERYTHING was paid. infact...to be honest..im not sure how that money reached...i suspect I may have gotten more money...but what's my own. I handed it to God and He did it. Everything was paid...you have to pay an initiation fee for the HomeOwners association...that was paid...title insurance...paid...interest for the month...paid....6 months of something or other...paid....God is amazing...

The lawyer said she'd never seen where everything was covered AND I got money back. She told me "You negotiated well"

me? negotiate?
and that was when I told her "it was God"
she said "okay"
and I said "yes, it was God"

Did you guys see anything of negotiation in anything I wrote? Nope! I didnt do anything....I did nothing. I started to pray...that this same God who did this for me...will work a miracle in all of your lives...yes....ALL OF YOU READING THIS...whatever you're believing God for...have faith...LEAN ON HIM...he will surely do it. I prayed for Buki's mom...I felt God...and through this medium...I extend that same God in me...to you...please...just believe...ONLY believe...have faith...whatever it is you want...whatever it is you need...it will work out according to God's Will in your life in Jesus' Name .... Amen

so I asked God for 1...he gave me MORE than I wanted. Infact...you have to pay for blinds in the house...do you know there are blinds there...it wasnt included in the price...infact it was a "mistake"...someone told me I was lucky...I smiled and knew it was God...and Im not talking shabby blinds here....the house...wasnt even on the market when I went to look at it...I see this as God all the way. I see it as him reserving the house for me... I got the house for less than I wouldve paid for an older home of comparable size...it's a new home... infact...the same exact house a block away closed for almost $30k more than what I paid just last week. I have the largest floor plan in the community and I've paid the least for it....That means...I have instant equity...dont have to wait for the house to appreciate...SUDDENLY...you ever heard that in the bible...something is happening...and then SUDDENLY...you life can change in an instant you know...

It is God

Now Im believing God for other things. I've put in my request...
you guys this changed my level with God o...as in...im almost speechless
but I have to share my story...it is important we all do...to encourage each other
to prove that God is real

thank you guys for reading...
please thank God for me...praise him for me too
I look forward to sharing in YOUR testimonies

December 3, 2006

O ye of little faith...

....

The lawyer looked at the papers and she gave a little laugh...she said "I've never seen this before"

I told her it was God

...

Let me rewind...to the very beginning...

...

I happened upon this idea of 30days of thanksgiving...even though I didnt update my blog for each day I was still thankful. Earlier this year, I wrote down my goals...some might refer to is as a NewYear's resolution...but I just wrote things down that I wanted to accomplish...a checklist. One of the things I wrote was to go to California, london, lagos, buy a digital camera, research schools for my MBA and research buying a house...etc

I went to california and if you follow my blog, you'll know I went to see my brother after about a decade of not seeing him. I bought a digital camera...which I barely use upon all the research I put into buying it...and instead of researching for a house, I decided I would move in with my cousin...brand new home...cheaper rent...I could help her out...save money...pay down more of my debt...

Well well well
my mother was against me moving in with my cousin...ever heard "familiarity breeds contempt"...she said "you will fight" and I knew it was true but I rationalized it. I wont be home mostly. I'll be in school or work. Even my friends told me it would be hard to live with someone else after living on your own for so long.. Anyways the plan was for the house to be ready by the end of november...so when it came time for a lease renewal, I did 6mths only...till early december.
*****

Fast Fwd a couple of months...end of august...I hadnt been to church in a while but I heard on the radio that the following sunday was the Pastoral Anniversary...so I made it a point to go that sunday. Biship Neil Ellis preached...he is a true prophet...he professed...by the end of this year you will own something you've never owned before. I claimed it.

Didnt go to church again...at least my church...in fact maybe I didnt go at all until October 1. To my surprise Pastor Matthew Ashimolowo came to preach and again he said the same thing. He said something big will happen to you by the end of this year. Told us to sow a seed...said the same thing about wealth transfer and also about owning something by the end of the year. I claimed it

I went to another church...Destiny...and what do you know...the message was similar...I kept on claiming...

****
So November came...I made up my mind that I wouldnt move with my cousin...besides her house wasnt finished...she was looking more into the new year...which means I'd have to look at renewing my lease or going month to month which tends to be quite exorbitant...at that point i decided instead of researching 'how' to buy a house..i would start the process of getting one. I had significant credit card debt that I had paid off...I was about to pay off one of my school loans (all those work hours arent for no reason)...in short I met all the necessary criteria to qualify for a loan... so I get a realtor... I tell him what Im looking for. I tell you guys that my price range was such that I couldnt afford to be extra picky. I wanted a new home...but I told him that an older home was fine...

Within 3days...I told my realtor that I'd changed my mind...I would be doing this solo. I started on a Daniel Fast for 3days with my friend and my mom...requested they pray with me about this decision to buy a new home. My manager at work had questioned why I was going thru a realtor. She told me to look online...infact I even went as far as looking for new StarBucks locations...Oh...yall dont know....StarBucks does MAJOR research before they open any of their shops...they look at the area...try to determine profitability and all that...so if you're looking for a home and you see a new starbucks...chances are it's a great area...just drive around...w/in a 5mile radius or so... Anyways I went online...I found one...it was a 2bedroom 2bath with 1car garage...it was 10mins away...it was new...and it was well within my price range...so I made up my mind to go look at it. I called my friend's mom and she decided she'd come with me.

We looked at it...I liked it...but my friend's mom asked to see the 3bedroom...they were nice to look at but they were almost $30000 above my price range...and that's just the base price o. The seller agent said I should make an offer and we'll see....so I did and guess what...they accepted it. They were giving $10k towards the closing cost with their lender but they gave it to me with my own lender. It seems like everything I had told God I wanted was happening. I definitely was looking for someone other than myself to pay the closing costs...infact the day before I went to look for this house...I'd inquired on how soon I can get money out of my 401k if I needed it for closing

so the process started...I tried to get them to go a little lower on the price...but they didnt budge. Infact when I went to sign my contract and put money down the lady that was there was very surprised at the deal I got

....and on November 30 when I said the Devil is a liar...I'll soon tell you why. Will finish this up later...hopefully i can do so from work cuz I dont have internet access at home. Trying to catch up on last week's episode of Desperate Housewives online

How have you guys been? Hope all is well

November 30, 2006

Praise the Lord
It is Done!!!

***update***
The devil is a Liar
God started it and finished it
It is well

Remember guys...no matter the situation...give thanks to God...you just have to...

I just have to

Thank you God...Thank you Jesus...You are awesome and I know you've got me...my future is in Your hands. Glory be to your name...

November 28, 2006

sweet mother

You would think having Faith in God is easy. I guess saying it is easy...but putting it into practice is hard. There are moments where doubt comes in....I start to worry...I start hyperventilating...I start to cry...but still Im talking to God...and Im petitioning him about what's on my mind....and then I call my mom

People who know me are surprised that I havent done a piece on my Mom yet. They know how close we are...infact you cant claim to know me well and not know (of) my mom. She's the best. She's absolutely beautiful...everyone says that about their mom I know. I love her so much. Her skin is flawless...so soft...she is a work of art...I wish I was the carbon copy of her... my elder sister is. When I was younger...I couldnt imagine life without her...even now....it's like I live for her too

She calls me "mama"...she kisses my birthday cards still. One year, she didnt do that...maybe she thought...now Im grown up she doesnt have to do that...i called her promptly

"Mommy...why didnt you kiss the cards?"
she laughed...but I was serious...so she hasnt made that mistake again

Growing up, my mom and I werent the closest. I was Daddy's baby all the way...still am! I thought she loved my brother more...I think it's because he got away with so much (more on him later) but then things started to change...

I remember one time she was in the kitchen cooking...it was sunday...something happened with the oven..she turned it on to light it..u know the ones you light from the bottom...i think..anyways...something happened and she did it again and it blew...right in her face...oh my God...Im not even sure how we called who we called...my aunt came over...she's a doctor...got my sister as well...she's a nurse...it was horrible...my brother and I swore we wouldnt eat. We didnt want her to go back to the kitchen ever... we put vaseline all over her face...i mean all over.
She came through okay...no scars or anything...I think it was the heat more than anything else that was causing her pain...

Soon it was just mommy and me....and it was the best
I was the perfect daughter. I rarely questioned anything she did. I never really got into too much trouble. When she would punish me...I knew my way around it except that one time she had me do ma kuru ma ga (you hold your ears and u repeatedly squat down and go back up...talk about forced excercise). She specifically told me not to do something...it was concerning my dad's sister...she came over and didnt hear me greet and said she would report me to my dad so I inturn wrote her a letter and told her I wouldnt get in trouble so she can go right ahead...lol...I was all of 7 or 8 maybe?...Talk about sass at such a young age. My mother is everything to me... and some people say she spoiled me but I disagree. She showed me love as a mother should. So what she cleaned up after me (okay maybe she spoiled me in this area)...She did what she needed to do to ensure we had what we needed to have. I was never a demanding child though. I never asked for more than I knew she could give. If you lived in Nigeria you may have experienced the difficulty in trying to get into a secondary school...there's all these exams you have to take...She did everything to make sure I was prepared and fought for me to get into AirForce...you see they didnt want to take me on because I was 9 even though I had passed their written exams and done well with their interview. I wonder what they would have said the year before...my Godfather shut down that idea fast...can u imagine being 8 in Jss 1...a bit daunting i think

We had this ritual. She would travel for her job but she'd have to buy me dinner before she left...back then it was Terry's I think...Chicken George...NewYorker...just dinner outside of the house...and then of course I would cry myself into a headache when she left and start counting the days until she would come back

Moving to America was the hardest on me...I was leaving my comfort zone but I knew it was for the best...Im here now...so it must have been for the best. I cried almost everyday after I moved. You know there's nothing like the cocoon of a mother's love. My brother tried to comfort me. It was hard. Living with my dad wasnt just the same...he's a guy...he's not sensitive to female issues...lol...he was a lot stricter than my mom...and that didnt make it easy for either of us.

Being in the States, I knew that I would have to do well enough to justify everything she's done. I promised her everything...and Im striving to fulfill my promises. No matter what I do, she's always encouraging me. She makes sure she highlights the positive even while berating me for the negative...it's a nice balance. I know it is her prayers that have kept me safe and moving on...her prayers that have made it hard for me to say "I give up"

I call my mom like every other day...even if it's just for 5minutes. Just to know that she's okay...just to hear her voice...I call her when I need bible passages...I call her to pray for me...as if she needs a reminder...I call her to ask if there's anything she wants/needs me to do for her. I call her just to hear the latest gist. She makes me laugh. She loves to talk...she'll be telling me a story...I just want to hear the end...but mommy...no way...she must take you through the scenic route...and I realize it's memories like these that will keep going...and so I settle down and try to patiently endure the scenic conversations.

I've always said that if my children love me half as much as I love my mom then I would be lucky indeed. There's nothing I wouldnt do for her....nothing! Some people have their limits...but not me...I would do EH NEE THING.

Ask LondonBuki....we see the love her mom deposited in her shining thru every monday
Ask Uzo...when she went on a suicide excercise mission who was there to help soothe the pain

Mothers are the best. Their capacity to love...discipline...nurture...work in/out of the home...is to be admired.

*sigh*
I love my mommy
We argue....get into minor disagreements...but it never lasts for long. I tell her everything...well like 99.95% of everything...lol...i have to keep some things secret

She's protective of me too
I remember once in elementary...I had a problem with this teacher...gosh..Mrs.Adepoju...she was something else. My mom had to come to school and check her. Same thing in AirForce...some stupid sergeant was harrassing me over goodness knows what...maybe something to do with music...mommy had to pay him a little visit. I also remember one time...my brother and I had a private lesson teacher growing up. I didnt do my homework properly...or I didnt erase the page well...the teacher got mad and used koboko (horse whip) on me. He had done it such that the buttons on the back of my dress had come undone. Imagine...my mother that doesnt really hit/beat us...it is you that wants to hit me...I went right into the house and my mother came out with a Check in hand and that was the end of that guy.

I guess now Im older it's reversed. Im protective of her. You can do what you want...say what you want to me...but you cannot mess with my mom.

She's done so much...for part of her life she was a single mother and being a single mother is not easy...it is sooooooooo not easy...but you have a choice...you can give up or you can keep moving...she kept moving...what a strong lady. We've cried together...played together...laughed together... I used to get sick alot as a kid...mommy was always there with me...

Everyday of my life...Im thankful to God for my mother. Thankful for her genes.. :-) Thankful for the strength in her character that's helped define mine. Im just thankful to God because she "is"

It's day 28 yall....gosh this month has flown by...this year in fact has gone fast....what are you thankful for today?

November 27, 2006

5 Weird/Random Things about me....me

Uzo tagged me...
Okay...this is hard...why? because there is nothing weird about me... None that I can think of anyways so I'll just put up some random things

Accent: My accent changes with my mood. I've been accused of having a british/valley girl/east coast/ southern twang accent. I do it subconsciously most times but there are few times where I purposely change it...it's fun...and Im good at it...if Im frustrated I tend to sound british...I cant help it...but if im talking normally then I tend to sound like I was raised in Cali with a hint of newyork (i had an english teacher from NYC so i kinda picked up some words the way she would say them and they've sorta stuck with me since highschool)

Language: Hmmm...well not necessarily language...but I dont speak pidgin english and I will not respond to you if you speak to me in it. Few times I might make an exception but it cannot become habit...if you continue I will just look at you as if you're not really speaking to me and may change the topic...or you'll keep hearing me say "im sorry...what did you say?" well it's not necessarily weird...this is along the lines of chatting and constantly making grammatical errors...makes me cringe especially when it's done on a consistent basis...ive been known to stop chatting with ppl just for that

Pain: The receptors in the body for pain and pleasure are the same (dont quote me on this)... I agitate things more that are painful. For instance...I have a toothache...I will continue to bother it until it becomes almost unbearable...then I stop and then the feeling afterwards...is like relief...pleasurable relief

Fart: okay....this is kinda weird...but i like to smell my fart...nasty yes...but it's mine...oh my goodness...this may be deleted shortly

Phone calls: I like to talk...but the thing is I can fall asleep in an instant...like you'll hear me talking...all of a sudden...there's nothing...but that's not the weird thing... When Im talking on the phone...if im sleepy...I dont know why...different things come in my head and I will just start saying them...as in lets say we're talking about President bush and the war in iraq...but im feeling sleepy right...then I may see like pineapples in my mind or something..all of a sudden you'll hear me asking about why you're eating pineapples...or why are the pineapples running....things that dont make sense...just totally off subject...

November 26, 2006

Get your Church On

Watch my church service live HERE

7 - 10 am and 10:30a - 1pm
(eastern standard time)

November 25, 2006

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 25

so I havent been blogging....havent been updating my 30days of thankfulness like I shouldve been doing...

How was your thanksgiving? I hope it went well. No matter how bad your situation is...there's always a reason to be thankful..let's all try to remember that

I had a nice thanksgiving. I was kinda surprised.
My cousin Maya called me to ask when I was coming over. I was surprised. Maya and I havent had the best of relationships but we seem to be getting along lately. I guess age/maturity does that...puts things in perspective. Went over to her mom's and we all chilled...their mom is cool. Ate a little cuz you know I had an agenda...I wanted to take food home. See I dont cook alot...infact it seems my cooking/baking is seasonal...sometimes im in the mood and can do it all day but most times im like what's the quickest thing to microwave. Infact one of my guy friends came over to my house once and said "Diamond, Im a guy but your fridge is worse than mine". There's nothing there but water and condiments...maybe some jello and yogurt.

What I love about thanksgiving time...are the candied yams...or the souffle...you have to do it just right so that it's not too sweet...hmmmm....my tongue is tingling just remembering. Anyways took food home...next stop was my uncle's house...for his world famous potato salad. One time my uncle went to Nigeria...people thought it was funny but I was calling everyone looking for him so that I could get the recipe. It is sooooooo good. As in everytime there's a party and he invites me my question to him is "are you making any potato salad"....

and guess what you guys....I've lost weight! Oh my...how happy was I. I had a dream that I lost weight. In my dream I weighed myself and I saw a number that surprised me. This dream was actually reality. As in I had this beautiful top i bought like MONTHS ago. I was determined to have it but it didnt fit..I was like maybe I should return it but it was just so beautiful. so on Thanksgiving day I put it on...and WHAT? it fit...so im thankful for that. I've been drinking lots of water lately and trying to eat healthier...

and then...my brother called. Surprise Surprise! My brother...ever since we were young has always done his own thing. I know I've mentioned this before. We had a party for him every year of his birthday even after he'd been told there would be no party...because he used to invite ppl anyways. Having a big brother wasnt always fun when we were younger because he would tease me all the time and make me cry but as we grew older he became more protective of me. My father comes from this old school thing where hitting children is acceptable...and me...without any intention seemed to break all the rules...but my brother would stand infront of me...and say "you cant hit her"...he even took the blame for messing up a very expensive equipment at someone's house. I felt so bad. I wanted to correct everyone's assumption but my brother kept saying "no, I'll handle it"...He became my hero...so it hurt me when he moved away. I didnt want him to go but what could I do. Living with my dad wasnt the best....they always clashed. The difference between my brother and me was this: you tell him to do something he doesnt want to do, he'll you he'll do it but he wont...me? I'll let you know from the onset that im not doing it. I guess I was more confrontational. He was quiet...has this silent strength.

He was a star athelete...if anyone follows high school football...they wouldve known my brother. He was great...we all had high hopes...college...nfl...we knew he was going all the way. He was so dedicated to it. He was a great dancer too...always winning stuff...he was just awesome....and of course the ladies loved him...

Life happens and he moved. When he moved he didnt tell anyone but me where he was...people would ask me and I'd tell them I didnt know. He eventually revealed where he was. I went years without seeing him. I would tell him to send pictures..he wouldnt...heck I even offered to send him a camera and send it back....nope. But he would start to call me...sporadically...but I appreciated it cuz I knew he was okay. He quit school when he moved and he decided he would enroll again and has stuck with that. My brother is into Jiu-Jitsu...won many competitions and was coming to california for another competition...he called to tell me so I hurried up and booked a ticket. I had to see him. after so many years. I saw him and didnt know it was him...amazing...my own flesh and blood...

It was great to see him. It was great for all 3 of us to be together again (me, my dad, and him). We squabbled like siblings do. I tend to be "mothering"...and he's not having none of that. Im traditional...i tend to follow the rules...or give the illusion of doing so anyways..and he just doesnt care...so we're not the closest and that hurts me because I want nothing more than to be close to my brother...but I take what I can get...which includes the sporadic and always surprising phone calls

So today I am thankful for my brother. I am thankful that he is alive and has focused his life. I am thankful that he's been able to turn the hurt of growing up around and become a positive person. I am thankful that he remembers his little sister and calls her once in a while. I am truly thankful to God for that and I know it can only get better....that is what Im believing God for...that soon both of us will be reunited with my mom...that we would each have a life to be thankful to God daily for and for my mom to be proud of...

You know I wrote about being thankful for my mom...and it's interesting cuz it seems that's when everyone in blogsville was writing about their moms...but i didnt publish it...felt it was inadequate...i'll try to do it next week...

yall have a good saturday

November 20, 2006

hey yall

I woke up and I had to take a mental step back because I wasnt sure what day it was and what my work schedule is...that's when you know you've been working too much. I am guilty of overworking...I typically work in excess of 60hours a week...My prayer is that I work smarter not harder...Im getting to that stage...step by step

I woke up and started playing my Nigerian Praise and Worship CD. My mom had told me to do this a while back....instead of doing nothing when I wake up...she said wake up and play some christian music to kinda set the tone for your day...she's is so right. I typically wake up and watch the news and then try to quickly catch up on my blogs...cuz I dont want to read them at work anymore...besides there's really no time to do so at work...

Today Im thankful for someone
She's beautiful (will confirm when i see more than her eye...lol)
She's smart
She's funny
Totally relatable
She got my attention my constantly responding to things I would say
and she would be so on point
I promise you I thought she could be my twin for another set of parents
Cuz she could effectively communicate my thoughts
It was surreal
It was weird
So I started to follow her around too
sought her out...
I thought she was a reporter....
...you know...one of those investigative ones
that keep digging and digging...
I wasnt sure how to handle her sometimes
cuz im like...no no no.....we're too similar in some ways
was someone playing a joke on me?
apparently not...

and then something happened....
my laptop crashed
now for me....i keep everything onmy laptop....
EVERYTHING
so all my music was gone....all of it...unbelievable...
i had some good stuff...even some unreleased naija music...
and it was all gone
technology eh?
but what happened after that was amazing
She started sending me songs...
songs that I never had
songs that I loved but I'd forgotten
I was so emotional...you have no idea...
Music is Life...
it encompasses so many different aspects...
My music library will never be complete
it keeps growing...thanks to differnt blogpals
But I owe alot of it's content to Ms Uzo
She's wonderful
I remember when we started chatting...
it was all good...
I would leave home and go to work and start chatting with her via email
I couldnt access her yahoo blog from work...
so Im glad she's moved to Blogger
and I've been blessed
I truly believe
I tell people that I rarely meet foolish people online
it's like God orchestrates everything...
so today Im thankful for Uzo...
she's someone everyone would want to have in their circle of friends
and Im glad that she's in mine
and I hope it isnt seasonal...but even if it is...it will still be all good
so yall...Thank God for my friend Uzo
:-)


Uzo...I am thankful for your life
I pray for God to do great things through you
That you will continue to be blessed
You will be favored
I pray that God grants you all your heart desires
at the right time and according to His will

November 17, 2006

My meditation for today

Psalm 138
A psalm of David.


1 I give you thanks, O Lord, with all my heart;
I will sing your praises before the gods.

2 I bow before your holy Temple as I worship.
I praise your name for your unfailing love and faithfulness;
for your promises are backed
by all the honor of your name.

3 As soon as I pray, you answer me;
you encourage me by giving me strength.

4 Every king in all the earth will thank you, Lord,
for all of them will hear your words.

5 Yes, they will sing about the Lord's ways,
for the glory of the Lord is very great.

6 Though the Lord is great, he cares for the humble,
but he keeps his distance from the proud.

7 Though I am surrounded by troubles,
you will protect me from the anger of my enemies.
You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me.

8 The Lord will work out his plans for my life --
for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
Don't abandon me, for you made me.

November 14, 2006

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 14

I thought when I started this, it would be easy to note each day what Im thankful for. But it isnt...well I think it isnt. I guess it's okay to be thankful for the same things each day right? But I felt I should always write something different...hence the lack of transmission

I have a lot going on around me. It's almost the end of the year...I've not bought my ticket for my Christmas Trip yet...I have to move by the end of this month and Im not sure where to start because I have alot of stuff....I actually moved into this apartment very easily cuz I didnt have alot. Everything in the apartment was given to me...well almost everything... The beds in each room... The dressers...the dining set...The only thing I bought was the Futon, the computer tables and other misc. stuff....I bought a TV but I gave it away...why? Because I won 2 from work and I didnt feel it necessary to have 3 TVs...oh...I bought the ironing board and the iron... I look around me and I realize that Im blessed... I am favored by God. God's favor is....

I remember my freshman year in college...or maybe it was my sophomore year...All I know is the end of the year had come and I had no more money to pay for college...and I was owing them big time. I wrote a letter to the Financial Aid Director to seek assistance...nothing happened. I wrote another letter to him and this time I copied the President of the school. I went to the school post office to try to send it by "express" mail with signature delivery blah blah blah. The person said they dont do that...I'd have to go to the regular post office... Silly me. So I just walked down the street into the financial aid office. I didnt want to take it there myself because I dont really like confronting issues...I will if I have to but I try to avoid anything that may make SOMEONE ELSE feel uncomfortable...generous me right?

Anyways I go right to the Financial Aid office and lucky for me the Director is there and I hand him the letter. He tells me to sit down and proceeds to open and read the letter. We talked. I was almost in tears. I told him I had no support whatsoever and I hated the fact that the school/government insists on using my father's tax return for something he has nothing to do with... I told them I dont talk to my dad...I dont even know where he is half the time...which was a little lie but hey...he could have been in the bathroom at that present time...or visiting a friend...I mean I dont know... :-) I just had to get it through his head that family support wasnt available/reliable and I really wasnt trying to take a break for school...save money...come back..I know some ppl can do it...but I know me...I knew I had to stay the course...

He said "Well Diamond...let's see what we can do for you here"

He turned his computer on and starting punching keys...and within the next half hour, he had allocated funds to me from different scholarships and grants to cover what I owed the school so far and I even had a little bit left over to rollover to the next year. He agreed to sign off every year on my FAFSA that I was an independent student so that I could use my own Tax information. This was great...because to get this done is a major hassle... but by doing this, I would get the most funds for school. Infact, they dont even like doing that...I dont know why...I guess they dont want to bleed the government bank dry...

I walked out of the office with the documents showing that I was paid up...I was so happy...I'm almost certain I was walking on air. I passed a school mate on my way out and smiled at her as I made my way to the Administration offices to show them school was paid for. On my way back to the Dorms...I passed this same school mate who looked at me a little sad...but still with a smile... She said "Seems like you got all the money"...

Yep! The Director had allocated everything he had to me...there was nothing left over... The girl was probably thinking how unfair it was...but you know what? There's nothing fair about Favor. I got back to my room and typed up an email titled "Testimoney"...to share the good news with everyone..I was so happy...

Today I am thankful for God's Favor in my life. I am thankful it is the name I have been blessed with as well. I look back and think about life...and I realized that Yes...I have been favored...I have been uncommonly blessed by God and that continues to be my prayer...

I remember once I went to see a friend in Florida...on a roundtrip $90 ticket...I couldnt believe it...well guess what...they overbooked by ONE...me...so I not only got upgraded to first class I also got a $350 voucher which I ended up using later that year to subsidize my trip to Nigeria. I had a free trip actually but I had to get to NewYork first to take the trip...so that's what I used my Voucher for... Also that year, I used it to go to Boston for my nephew's naming ceremony

Even my apartment...people are suprised at the price I pay for rent...people dont pay this little for even a 1 bedroom....but yet...here I am... I told God what I wanted...and he exceeded my expections....

My job that I have now...you have to go thru 5 interviews before they consider you...well guess what...not only was I late for the interviews each time...I got hired on the 2nd interview...they thought I was someone else... that was God....because I know if that hadnt happened, I wouldnt have gotten the job. It was just 2 of us...the guy didnt even look at my file...he just started talking to me and based on our conversation..he said well if you would like the job, I'd like to go ahead and hire you. I couldnt believe it. I was so happy...i almost hugged the guy...and then someone came in and told him he had the wrong file...but he said he never looks at the files...he just bases his decision on talking to the people.... Now..because they had to have it on record that I took 5 interviews...after I was hired, I had to go through the motions of being interviewed by 3 others...and I tell you based on what I went thru on the last one?...I dont think I would have gotten the job but God had already decreed it...and there was no way this last interviewer could override his boss...HA HA!

Sometimes when Im feeling bad...feeling like Im all alone in this world...I need to remember these things...and know that God can only exceed himself and I should be thankful at all times...in all things...

so God...thank you for your Favor...thank you for the blessings in my life. You are a Great God and I am a living testimony that there is none like you...no one can do the things that you do. I ask for 1 you give me 10...100...1000...you simply blow my mind away and I am Thankful...always... Because I know that I wouldnt be where I am if not for You. I wouldnt have the things I have...if not for You. You supply my needs even before I ask...

I believe in God...I believe that He is the supreme being...I believe that if I only trust..and have my faith in him...then the World is mine to conquer... Ive never been envious of anyone's stuff cuz I know God will do mine for me in His own time...
There's this song that goes: Only believe....only believe...all things are possible...if you only believe...

ONLY believe...that's ALL you have to do..

I believe that my life is in God's hands...I believe He is working everything out for my good....I believe that I am favored and operate in that mode...I believe that I am healed (by his stripes)...I believe that I am blessed...I believe .....
Because I believe these things...I am thanking God for all that has passed...all that is present...and all that is still to come

what are you thankful for today?

November 7, 2006

Toxic

So surprise surprise...citing irreconcilable differences, brittany has filed for divorce from K-Fed
Cant say Im surprised. But really this is so bad. Why dont these marriages last...really why dont they. I was really rooting for them you know. I was hoping they would prove everyone wrong...kinda be like the white whitney and bobby....or maybe not... seeing as Whitney is serious about divorcing Bobby now. I didnt like how K-Fed so soon after sexing up Shar went after Brittany...I do believe he saw an opportunity and capitalized on it...but who can blame him...

Today I am thankful for my relationship with my boyfriend. I dont talk much about it...or him. But he's truly the love of my life. We're 3 years strong...and for someone who only dated people for 6mths or less...this is a big deal for me. So much temptation all around...it is only by the Grace of God. Did I tell you guys I was tripping over one blogger like that? I promise you infatuation is not a good thing...but I've gotten over it since but my boyfriend found out o. And he calmly told me about it and my mouth just opened WIDE in silent shock. As in...he was so calm. He said he had something to tell me. I was like what is it? He said never mind. Knowing me....and he does...I goaded him into telling me....oh my my my. That has got to be one of the few times that i've been rendered speechless. As in, I didnt know what to say...what to do...my mouth was just open and I was just looking...

He's been there for me...no matter what. I remember one time, I was having computer issues...my desktop...he had to wake up o...it was the middle of the night....if im having issues...he's having issues...as in we need to share all our experiences...lol. He's patient and slow to anger...but once he's angry please take cover...unlike me...I get angry easily but my anger dissipates quickly. It's just so unhealthy to keep things bottled in you know. If Im mad at something...trust me, it wont take him long to find out...but him....oh Lord help me... and I just know he's expecting me to cook all those funky meats...like roundabout...the black round fish....things that I cant stand to look at... what is roundabout?

anyways....3 years strong and counting. I am thankful to God for our unique relationship because I truly believe that it was ordained by God.

what are you thankful for today?

November 6, 2006

The Church and Forgiveness

Im sure we've all seen the news about Ted Haggard committing a sexually immoral act...He resigned...then he got fired... hmmm...will be back to finish this thought in about 4hours


but very quickly...

Today, Im thankful for something my sister sent to me yesterday via Text. "God will work ALL things out for your good"...she said she was prompted to send that message and she obeyed...

Each time I read and reread the message, Im almost reduced to tears. Im just grateful to God for bringing to remembrance His promise to me.

If you are ever at a point, where you have the urge to say something (positive and uplifting) to someone...then do so...cuz you dont know how much it could help. If you have the urge to call someone...then do say...you dont know what you may be preventing. If it's impressed on your mind to pray for someone...stand in the gap for someone...then do so...

I remember reading the chicken soup for soul book...and how friend A called friend B. friend B called back...and you know what...that prevented friend A from committing suicide. Amazing right?

what are you thankful for today

November 5, 2006

2 things I've noticed about Nigerian guys

There's something about Nigerian guys...there's just something about them. They're the best and the worst.

I was talking to my friend...and another time I was chatting with another friend
I asked "Why do Nigerian guys sound like babies on the phone?"

It never fails. I talk to a guy in Nigeria and he sounds like a baby. Like...his voice isnt manly somehow. One of my friends suggested "Maybe it's your connection".

I dont think so. I think they all sound like babies. It's just weird. Next time you talk to a Nigerian guy...in Nigeria...pay attention! There's this softness in their voice....

Im baffled. I mean it cant be just me hearing it. Someone tell me Im not crazy

And another thing...Nigerian guys are quite aggressive and overly persistent.
I mean I was talking to Ola today and some guy called her and left a message. Within the same minute the guy called again

I mean what is it? Do you think she didnt see the first call or that she will ignore the first message. This is a trend I've noticed. I remember one time, a guy called me and left a message. Called my cell...then called my home...then called my cell again. Im like...REALLY? is it that serious? I had to change my phone number. Called the phone company. Told them I was being stalked. I mean what would you call it? Some one keeps calling you and calling you like they have no sense at all

Another incident in school...I went away for the weekend...took a road trip to Florida...came back and I had several messages on my answering machine....FROM THE SAME GUY. This is a guy I didnt know. My then boyfriend to be had given him my # to call me as a friend in the US together blah blah blah.

1st msg: hi this is A...B gave me your number
2nd msg: hi, this is A...you can call me on....
3rd msg: hi. im just calling to check on u

I mean really. this is the trend of the messages. I guess it doesnt really matter now...seeing as me and A became quite good friends...but really I had to put him in check like WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU leaving all these messages. It sends the wrong idea... He was new to the states then....

anyways...just thots in my head....

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 5

a lot of the things Im going to be thankful for/about are certain individuals. I talked about my 3 friends previously. Today Im going to talk about people that I've met online. To be honest I wanted to write about how thankful I am that I found my remote control...but that seemed silly to write about. I've been watching Nickolodeon since yesterday...till I found it...thank God for that. In all things give thanks right?

anyways back to the people I've met online....

It's interesting really cuz I tell people I havent met a foolish person yet online. Well I actually do but those people typically dont last long. It seems that the "real" people I meet are really moves orchestrated by God. It's amazing how mutally beneficial our friendships are.

There's a guy I met online years ago. Lives in England. Till today I've never met him but he's met some of my family...I actually hooked him up with one of my male cousin's in Manchester and guess what? Today they're like bestfriends...interesting huh

There's a girl. Not sure how she got my ID but she started chatting with me from Nigeria one day. We're friends now. She actually came to America. Started and finished school and is now married. To think I knew her while she was going thru the visa process....and now she's married....almost unbelievable

HookUpNigerians was the "in" online thing back in the day. I was quite popular on there. Quite vocal. Met some cool peeps on there...people that Im yet to meet but still keep in touch with. Met my exboyfriend that way too.

So today, Im thankful for the internet and the role that it's played in my friendships. Im thankful that it has afforded me the opportunity to meet so many people that I may not have ordinarily met. People that enrich my life in various ways.

I hope one day to meet a couple of people...if they want to stop being anonymous. People like...Bijou...Life...Miguel...I consider them to be part of my blog family. Uzo...she's just wonderful...Ola......Vera...LondonBuki...JayCee...Mosaic and Belle...those girls always seem to have something going on...I think it'd be cool to hang with them.... da GA crew...Biodun...Ms. May...

If I dont see any of these people...it's all good. I love sharing their life in whatever way they choose to share it on Blogger

November 3, 2006

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 3

What have I been up to lately...
work work and more work
so much so that my boyfriend and I havent spent any meaningful time together
This is a bit scary
Im working crazily. He's working and joggling his last year of school at the same time
Is this how it will be when we're married?
if care is not taken, the relationship will disintergrate...
I remember a conversation I had with him...I think it was last year
I told him I want to be a housewife
He was like "I dont think so"
He's funny...He doesnt think so...
He should wait and see when I park my behind at home...what will he do...carry me to work?
Im encouraging him to work hard and get good grades...it is essential for my living...abi?
lol
No seriously. Being a housewife is work...but I dont know if Im cut out for it.
maybe for the first couple of years when I have my kids...but I'd still be involved in something
outside of the home

anyways our schedules have been crazy lately
We seem too busy for each other

I spoke to my friend about it yesterday. She was like at least when you're married...you'll hopefully be sleeping in the same house/same room/same bed so somehow somehow you'll connect with each other
We can only pray about that

Today, Im thankful for friends. 3 in particular. The friend I spoke to yesterday...MD. She's great. Once, while in school...I lost two jobs back to back. I had it coming though. I mean I would leave one job, head to second job as soon as I was done...work overnight and then go to school in the morning. I was taking Biology, Organic Chemistry and University Physics at the same time. Anyone in the sciences knows that taking all 3 together is quite a heavy load and then you are working 2 jobs...from like 3pm till 7am the next day????? I was crazy right. Got fired from both jobs. How depressing. MD, on her own went to beg for my job back and after they refused, do you know what she did?

She started looking for a job for me. Calling places...giving feedback to me to follow up and what not. Me that could care less at this point. I was amazed at her character. I mean why was she doing it. Of her own volition? Wow! That is a friend. We've been friends for a while. Know most of her family. Her mom loves me. MD is a genius. She used to help me with my science projects and my math homework back in college. She's one of those people that are naturally smart.

I wrote something about 3 girls on 3 way. My friends BK and Ola....these two are my dawgs for life!!! About 2 months ago I was feeling down. Im not sure why. So I called BK...she was studying and asked me what was up. I said I just dont know. Could she just talk to me and then I started crying. She said something along the lines of "Diamond I dont know what is wrong but I do have a God that knows all...sees all....all I can do is pray for you right now" and right there on the phone she prayed for me. And I felt so much better. It was exactly what I needed at the time. Have you ever felt something is wrong and dont know why? I do believe there are some spirits behind that...truly!

When I moved to Nigeria years ago, I used to argue with my mom. Not every day...just random days. Cuz Im always right you know...anyways my brother told me when I would start arguing, he would start to pray that whatever spirit was prompting me, should quieten down...and he said I would be quiet...hmmmm...pretty interesting. I guess some of our actions are motivated spiritually on some level...maybe even all...and we need to pray that it is the right spirit within/ around us.

My other friend Ola...she's just wonderful. She acts like she doesnt know what sex is and calls me for information? Um...when did I become the sex expert...lol. See me see trouble o. Innocent me...Im not familiar with anything to with sex...lol. I always tell her she's an undercover freak...always wanting to know the details....of everything...gosh. A week cannot go by without me talking to her. We're always teasing each other. She's one of those no nonsense people....you cant misyarn with her. Many guys have tried to get with her on some level...She's quick to set them straight. Very much into God. Always urging me to go to church every sunday....

Im thankful today for these 3 people in my life. They are friends for a life time and Im grateful for their placement in the world that I live. They make my world a better place. They give me a reason to smile. One thing I appreciate it about them is, we can argue...fight...but it's always settled...right there and then. For instance, I say something, Ola will say I dont like that. We hash it out right there and then and move on. All 3 friends are like that

Im not close to alot of my family. I long decided that as you grow, you more or less build your own family. So these 3 girls are not just my friends...they are my family. They are people I most rely on for certain things....The 3 people I hope to include in my bridal train.

MD, BK and Ola...Thank you for your love and friendship.

What are you thankful for today?

*hmm.just noticed it's day 3. talked about 3 friends. purely coincidental. It was my first thought when i woke up this morning cuz Id just spoken to MD last night

November 2, 2006

30 Days of Thankfulness - Day 2

Today Im thankful that Im able to keep moving

There are so many times I wake up and I just want to lay there...in the bed and do nothing all day. But this is so pointless. I cant just lie there

So I thank God for giving me the strength to get up each and everyday and get moving

Sometimes I feel like my brain is going to explode. There are so many thoughts in my head...so many that I cant make sense of it all. Im not sure what to think first. Im not sure how to act first. I give myself a physical and mental shake

Get it together D!

It's so hard for me sometimes. I feel like it's just me going to battle in life.
Why cant things be easy.
Battled life through my teenage years
thoughts of dying simmered in my head back then
Struggled to support myself through school
Knew that I couldnt quit. I started and so I had to finish
that was really hard for me
Pushing to ensure I have a better life now

One day I thought I was dying. My head was pounding so fierce. I felt so weak.
I called everybody that I knew to call
every. single. person.
No one answered
How is that possible
Nobody answered the phone...
I didnt want to die...God I didnt want to die...

Finally I had to call on God.
I saw a quote on someone's blog. Something about God being the last resort
which isnt the way it should be at all

Im alive...so all is well now
trying to work on speaking to / seeking God first

so Im thankful today, for the strength to keep moving, even when I dont feel like

what are you thankful today?

November 1, 2006

30 days of thankfulness - Day 1

.A lot of things have been going on in my mind lately...things that I want to voice but Im cautioned yet again...anyways I'll delve into this another time

In America, November is the month we have our Thanksgiving...the fourth thursday in month. This day is typically reserved for family. I love this season. This is the time where eggnog comes around. Lots of people are not fans but I've loved it since I was a kid in Chi-town. Reminds me of my snowman-building days and hanging with my cousins eating fudge laced vanilla icecream....sweet potato pie/souffle....I can just taste it when it's done just right. This is the month we have our black friday....named that because this day is typically the one that most stores after being in a slump all year round, will turn a decent profit. I believe it is the biggest shopping day of the year with ridiculous sales starting at some ungodly hour. I may join the madness this year. Took the day off work for that already

Everyday this month, in addition to my normal rantings, Im going to say something Im thankful for/about. I encourage everyone to do the same. You can blog about if you wish...maybe include it as a footnote after each of your posts....you can think it...write it down....whatever. I think it would be good a excercise... and if you want to share with me what you're thankful for...the comments section is a free for all :-)

Day 1

I decided I would wait until the end to Thank God about something in particular that Im working on. Knowing that it will come to fruition by the end of the month. And I thought to myself why wait?

So I am thankful to God for the good things he has already done. Everything in this world is started and finished by God. While Im in Monday, God has already taken care of Friday so I need not worry. God has finished everything. There is no need to be anxious. Someone is waiting for that healing. It is done. Someone is waiting for that miracle. It has come. God exceeds himself each time. Meaning he does more and more than before. He does not repeat himself. So I wake up each morning....looking forward to how God will surprise me. I wake up knowing that I am covered in His Blood. I plead for his mercy...for his favor.

On this day, I am thankful that God is God. He has never failed me not one time. I am thankful that inspite of being me...he is always willing to forgive me...I've had so many "second" chances and Im glad that when I turn my back and decide to run back to Him, His arms are open wide...willing to forgive and forget...willing to comfort and scold when necessary. He is just awesome


I remember once in church, the pastor was saying even while you're sinning praise God. And I thought to myself....even while Im sinning? Praise God?. Hmmm....Im not sure about that. But then I realized what that does. It limits your sinning. For me, it brings to remembrance what I should be doing..or rather not doing

what are you thankful for today?

October 29, 2006

and yet another

....plane crash
what is going on
can someone tell me please

read story so far HERE

October 26, 2006

The one thing we all have in common in this life is sex.
lack of....too much of...think about it...sex is pretty much universal
a unifying act/thought
I wonder why aunty told L to get her a Dildo
aunty is like over 50, visiting from Nigeria
said that she got her friend a Dildo and it broke after a month or so
and that ish cost like $100
now I wonder if this is cheap for one...or expensive
she didnt want to bring it back to return it
can you return a Dildo.
hmmmm
Even if it broke, I dont know if they would accept it back
It just seems soooo nasty
and wow...50 year olds be getting their groove on
there's like a whole secret world of adult nigerians that im just now getting
a glimpse of
i wonder what else they do
i cant imagine seeing this prim and proper aunty in church
with the latest everything on
and wonder how she is when the doors are closed
she probably has a maid
is her room soundproof?
just how often does she use it
and why are you buying your friend such
hmmmm...the puritan in me
innocent me....
why do i think such things

October 24, 2006

A couple of updates

Okay. I know things on my blog have been a bit on the downside...this thing called life eh?
But can I just say all of you are wonderful. Every. Single. One. Of. You. The outpour of love from you guys amazed me. October has been an interesting month. I thank God for everything all the same. Life thank you so much for those verses....you really have no idea how much that helped me. To my BlogBud..thank you for spending nights with me and making me laugh. :-) . There's a whole world under this BlogWorld you guys...it's soooo... interesting...the way we all connect with eachother in reality. Hmmmmmn...LOL

Anyways...all of you wondering what I got from my aunt and uncle....here it is



so I got a VictoriaSecret Lotion set. Not bad actually. I only use the Amber Romance. Anyone want the rest? I'll mail it to you seriously! And of course I got a shower gel set...it wouldnt have been complete without that you know. It came with the little sponges. I put it next to a regular sized pouf so you guys could see how small it is. Anyways Life...you said you like stuff like this right? If you send me your add, I promise you will get this by the beginning of November

And my other aunt said she gave my gift to her friend so she will be sure to get me another gift. Hmmmmmmm. Do I smell a lie? Why would you get a gift and then give it to someone else...all within the same week. Suspicious right? I should have queried her and asked what it was exactly she got me. But I dont like to put people on the spot where they get trapped in their lie. She probably woulda set it was a surprise...anyways whatever

I met S's girlfriend. You guys didnt even ask me how far with that. I was actually trying to avoid seeing them. For some reason, the whole weekend he was here our schedules didnt mesh. I told him I would see him next time he came and He said No. That he would come late if necessary. So they came. And she's a cool chick. I like her. She's young...younger than me. so so innocent. We flowed pretty well cuz she's a bit like me or rather reminds me of myself when I was younger. I still dont think they match...but then again like I said before I just dont see him with anyone. They went thru all my photo albums and I felt a bit weird cuz I have lots and lots of pictures of him and all our friends and I was hoping she wouldnt feel insecure about that as we both reminisced about certain pictures. I wish them the best.

okay yall. I'll be back later with a real post
gotta get ready for work

October 19, 2006

Jeff Igbineweka

I got a call earlier today. It was my sister. I was wondering why she was calling me. She KNOWS Im at work. She left me a message so I quickly checked it to see what's up. She said "I have something to tell you call me back"

If anyone leaves you a message like that chances are the news isnt good

It wasnt

My heart began to beat real fast as I punched in her numbers. Called her at home. Voicemail. Called her mobile.

Hey Babe. What's up

"Do you have some time?"

in my mind Im like I hope she's not the one they've sent me to tell me my Dad is gone or something cuz I just know I cant handle that right now

Tell what's up

"Jeff is dead...homicide"

Im sorry?

"Jeff. from boston. in Hyde Park"

Disbelief

why would anyone kill Jeff

I remember the day we met Jeff. I think it was thursday sis...remember that day. T said he was coming to take us to the ice rink. I thought I would see Michelle Kwan and all the ice skating greats. We got on the Orange Line and we met Jeff. He was wearing a hat. Do you remember that hat? and T was trying to push him onto us. We were like "No oh...we dont want any bush boy"...lol. Jeff was a recent immigrant

Turns out it was a free ice skating party for everyone. T had duped us..unknowingly. Remember that night sis

I saw him once on the bus soon after we met him. I hid from him. I didnt want to be bothered...It was after school. Did I ever tell you that. He was just a scrawny kid. Well I guess not a kid...he was older but he was so lanky...

I left Boston and came back months later and I fell in love (in lust) with Jeff. He was mouth watering delicious now. America is amazing - from scrawny to hunk in a few months. I was smitten. He had this ring that I claimed...put it right on my finger. He was beautiful to look at. I wanted to be his woman back then. I remember talking to him about being under the mistletoe...lol...he didnt understand what I meant back then.

Each time I would go back to BeanTown...I would use style to ask about him...seek him out. He was just lovely. I just liked having him around. He was beautiful

It really hurt me hear that my friend had died at the hands of another
He was only 28 years old. I took some time off to cry.
Ive cursed his killer uncountable times
How dare he do this to my friend

Stabbed. To Death. by Girlfriend's ex.
in Hyde Park. On the very street Ive gone back and forth on uncountable times


ive been giving myself a pep talk for the past couple of days. certain things happening. got me paranoid. wondering when my time is. Approaching a year of my cousin's death.4moredays. been telling myself I need to embrace death. It will come when it's time. No need to be scared right?

my prayer: I shall live and not die in Jesus' Name. I shall live to see my children's children by God's Grace. Amen.

Jeff...hope you're smiling from heaven
im sorry you died like that jeff
im really sorry
i wish i could breathe life into you again
i wish you could laugh with me again
i wish i could see you just one. more. time
im so sorry
Dear God
im so sorry Jeff


*********************

A man stabbed to death Thursday inside a D’Angelo’s Sandwich Shop on Hyde Park Avenue in what police sources indicate was likely a dispute over a woman has been identified.

Police said the dead man is Jeff Igbineweka, 28, of Roslindale.

Igbineweka was inside the shop when he got into an argument with Haussan L. Harris, 32, of Brockton near the potato chip rack, officials said. Igbineweka, whom witnesses described as a large, muscular man, was stabbed multiple times and ran about 100 yards to a pizza shop near the Hyde Park police precinct.

Igbineweka collapsed in the small dining room there and was taken to Brigham and Women’s Hospital, where he was pronounced dead, police said.

Police are seeking Harris, who is described as a black male with a light complexion and close-cropped hair. He stands 5-foot, 9-inches high and weighs 220 pounds. He was last seen in a black or dark purple Mercedes-Benz.

October 18, 2006

FOUR (a meme)

VERA TAGGED ME.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
1. Cashier at a Coffee House/McDonalds
2. Personal Assistant, FIFA
3. Radio Personality
4. Pharm Tech

FOUR FICTIONAL JOBS YOU WISH YOU HAD
1. being paid just because... *oh you're here? here's a thousand for the hour*
2.
3.
4.

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN
1. Sweet Home Alabama
2. Bridget Jones' Diary
3. Memoirs of a Geisha
4. The Saint (Val Kilmer)

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN
1. KJA
2. LA
3. Boston
4. Atlanta

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH
1. CSI (original)
2. Desperate Housewives
3. American Idol / Next Top Model (when they roll around)
4. Cartoons (Jimmy Neutron & Fairly Godparents)

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION/TRAVELED TO
1. Abuja
2. London
3. Different states in the Union
4. Plan to add Paris this year

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY
1. ___________.blogspot.com (check out my fave blogs)
2. my bank's website
3. aol
4. msn

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE FOODS
1. Plantain fried in palm oil
2. Golden Morn
3. my Fried Rice
4. Isi Ewu/Suya

FOUR THINGS YOU WON'T EAT
1. exotic things like dog, cat, lizard...you get the idea...I dont care if it taste like chicken
2. lobster/crab.. most arthropods
3. foie gras
4. pork...at least i try not to...kinda hard especially if you eat sausage links

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD EAT OR DRINK RIGHT NOW
1. Suya w/lots and lots of pepper...pina colada on the side...
2. Apple pie dumpling a la mode from Brusters and Mr.Biggs' jelly donuts
3. agege bread with ewa agroyin (sp?) and Mama Bendel's rice and plantain at the local airport in lagos...with that spicy stew...men...my tongue is tingling
4. rectangular OKIN biscuit...the way the used to make 'em and TUC

FOUR THINGS IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. Bed...and me usually
2. TV...always on
3. lots and lots of books...they're EVERYWHERE
4. Laptop

FOUR THINGS YOU WISH YOU HAD IN YOUR BEDROOM
1. Bob
2. Another walk-in closet with more shoe space
3. A maid
4. A masseuse

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW
1. PJs
2. Scrunchie on my wrist
3.
4.

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. On vacation in Spain/France/Mauritius
2. with Mommy
3. with Bob
4. somewhere I dont have bills to pay but can live lavishly

FOUR FICTIONAL PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW
1. In any of the books im reading....well most. Each book I read is like taking a vacation
2.
3.
4.

FOUR PEOPLE YOU'D REALLY LOVE TO HAVE DINNER WITH
1. Oprah. I love the vision she has for Africa.
2. My sister. That means Id be in England...yaaayyyy!!! and she's paying...double yaaayyyy!!!
3. Bob
4. Janet Jackson - had a dream that she bought me a hummer

FOUR THINGS YOU ARE THINKING RIGHT NOW
1. Why am I doing this
2. Why am I awake at this time
3. I need to go back to bed
4. I need to clean my room...seriously!

FOUR OF YOUR FAVORITE THINGS
1. My Bed...love it love it love it.
2. Cell Phone....cant leave home without it
3. Books...love to read. read at least 1 book every 2-3 days
4. Music

FOUR PEOPLE YOU TAG
1. SB
2. Bijou
3. Miguel
4. Life of a Stranger
5. Arojojoye
6. Jaycee
7. Sapphire
8. Ms Amuta
9. NyjaGuy
10. Olawunmi
11. Daddy's Girl
12. Nubian Soul
13 - infinity. EVERYONE reading this that hasnt already been tagged by anyone else is TAGGED